Tag: trainwreck

Amazon’s Pants are on Fire

Unlike Tha Rangz o’ Powah, which apparently are not being watched anywhere nearly as much as Amazon is trying to claim. The Dark Herald busts the Bezos machine on the Arkhaven blog.

Have you ever heard the phrase, “numbers don’t lie?”

Accountants say that all the time… When they want a good laugh.

Amazon is proudly claiming they have 25 million views for Lord of the Rings: The Rings of Power, on its very first day of streaming. That is a nice ROUND number, isn’t it?

“25 million people viewed it.” Always be careful with the exact wording.

We can start with I don’t believe it for a second.

Warner Brothers is, for their part, claiming 25 million for the first week of House of the Dragon, and Warner Brothers put the first episode up for free on YouTube. Realistically, House of the Dragon has had way better public reception than Rings of Power. And ain’t it funny that Amazon had the exact same ROUND number?

So, where did this massive overnight number come from?

Well, it came from Amazon.com.

UPDATE: OWWwwww! Samba.TV has released its metrics on Lord of the Rings: The Rings of Power and they are b-a-a-d. Amazon was claiming a huge number for it’s first day. Samba.TV uses the first three days. On its first three days, the Rings of Power only got 1.8 million US views.

I didn’t buy the 25 million number myself. But an average of 600k/day? I also wasn’t expecting anything that cataclysmic. This looks like it is going to be a downright proverbial failure.

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Grifters, Grifters Everywhere

Was talking to [REDACTED] Bear at the festival and he said most conservatives are doing it, but Gavin is the one who was caught. Apparently Tim Pool pulled the same stunt, but years ago, and while he was “being detained” the YouTube livestream was left on for hours and holds some kind of record for the amount of money collected from superchats in one stream.

Just to be clear, the police do not simply respond blindly to calls as if they have no idea that they have ever been there before. Most public figures at genuine risk of being SWATted have already alerted the local police to the possibility, their address is already known to the police and flagged accordingly, and any attempt at SWATting will result in a telephone call, or at most, a visit from a squad car to confirm that everything is all right rather than an emergency response.

Anyone who gets SWATted multiple times is almost certainly faking it.

SAVAGE MEMES

UPDATE: Apparently Mr. McInnes is on work release from his secret FBI prison.

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He Should Have Listened

Jeff Bezos didn’t listen to his son:

Being one of the richest people on the planet, Jeff Bezos is not used to being told what to do. But when Amazon announced it was creating The Lord of the Rings: The Rings of Power, which is likely to become the most expensive television series ever made, he received a blunt order from his son: “Dad, don’t fuck this up.”

Sorry, Jeff. A verdict is in. And you done fucked it up.

OH LAWD, DEM RANGS! DEM RANGS A’ POWAH!

Past success sows the seeds of future failure

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Thank You For Your Service

They watched the Amazon Abomination so you didn’t have to subject yourself to it.

  • I got 18 minutes in before I had to switch it off. The writing is so awful and cliched that at points I thought I was having a stroke. I love Tolkien and I hope Amazon loses a fortune for what they have done because this really isn’t good entertainment.
  • It genuinely felt like a parody. Tolkien reimagined by Human Resources Equality and Diversity branch.
  • Why describe the entire episode? It was cr@p anyway.
  • Oh lawdee dem rangz
  • I’ve loved everything The Lord of the Rings for decades now but I had trouble getting through the first episode of The Rings of Power.
  • I tried to start the lord of the rings trilogy last night (for no reason at all). i got the best sleep i had in months.
  • The diverse cast is encouraging to me, but Tolkien would have wanted it to address the pressing social issues of our time such as climate change and vaccine hesitancy.. let’s wait and see before passing judgement.

Black elves, black hobbitses, and black dwarfs. Checkmate, racists!

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TikTok On the Clock

We’re going to owe an apology to the dead generals of WWI, whose famously idiotic refusal to reconsider their preferred strategies and tactics led to massive quantities of unnecessary bloodshed suddenly looks like military genius compared to the European generals of Clown World.

TikTokers and YouTubers could help the EU drive a wedge between the Russian government and the people, Germany and France have reportedly told other members of the bloc.

Ideas on how its members could influence Russian citizens were formulated in a document circulated ahead of this week’s high-level EU meeting in Prague, Bloomberg reported on Monday. The plan is meant for discussion behind closed doors, but the news agency said it had studied the document.

Berlin and Paris suggested enrolling popular video bloggers on platforms including YouTube, Facebook, TikTok, Telegram, and VK to help disseminate EU-funded teaching courses on “media literacy,” according to Bloomberg. The courses will supposedly explain to Russians why they should dismiss “Russian propaganda” and trust “independent information” that counters what the Russian government says.

This is a vivid demonstration of how those who possess the ability to influence others confuse it with the possession of actual power over others. It also underlines the complete helplessness of the European elite in the face of Russian economic and military power, to say nothing of their failure to grasp the comprehensive collapse of their neo-liberal ideology.

At this point, who can possibly take these lunatics seriously? How is every single government in the European Union not getting voted out of office in the next election?

“We’ve sent in the Redditors! We’ve provided our proxy troops with more money, weapons, and supplies than the US Marines ever had in the South Pacific! Nothing is working! What else can we do?”

“What about the Americans?”

“What about them? They want us to send in our troops before they’ll commit any of their own forces.”

“The sum total of our combined militaries couldn’t stand up to the Chechens, forget the Russian regulars!”

“Well, who else is there?”

“Guys, guys, you’re going about this all wrong! See, this is an INFORMATION war. We don’t need soldiers and artillery and ammunition. What we need is EDUCATION! Education and choreographed dance routines!”

“O. M. G. You are SO right!”

“That’s BRILLIANT!”

“You don’t… you don’t mean – “

“I do indeed. Send in the TikTokers!”

“Checkmate, Putin!”

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Definitely Fake, Probably Gay

You can safely ignore any concerns about the so-called “arrest” of Gavin McInnes. It’s just a “hilarious” attention-seeking stunt by a pathological narcissist. We can all return to our previous state of completely ignoring him.

Of course, it would actually be funny if he is ever arrested at some point in the future and no one bothered to pay any attention to him because everyone assumed it was just another “hilarious” prank.

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Doubling Down on Ukraine

The US military is now reportedly disarming its own forces in order to continue arming its proxy forces in Ukraine:

  • I’m getting word from team guys that they’re being forced to turn in their Carl Gs to send to Ukraine. This removes a very important item out of an operator’s kit.
  • Have your bravos prep your Carl Gs for turn in. I’ve fought back on it as long as I can. Grp CDR said tough shit. SECDEF is sending them to Ukraine.
  • Not just SF you didn’t hear it from me, but HIMARs systems slated for my regiment were sent there along with most of the ammo allotted to the regiment for training this year for both Tubes and Rockets. Apparently it’s also happened to the other Marine Corps Artillery Regiments.

On the down side, this is an abjectly stupid policy that cannot possibly end well. It will accomplish nothing but render the US military unable to perform its responsibilities. On the plus side, it looks like Russia will soon be in a position to force reasonable terms that the rest of the world can live with without ever having to invade Europe or engage directly with any NATO forces. This is an unusual form of attrition warfare that appears to be remarkably effective.

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Trust the Fiction

Canadians were told to “trust the science” of vaccine passports. What “science” was that? There was neither science nor any scientists involved in the entire process.

There was no scientific basis for Canada’s discriminatory, offensive vaccine passport system that helped launch massive countrywide protests.

Among many issues, the report details that no one in the “COVID Recovery unit,” which was responsible for enacting the policy, had any training in epidemiology or public health, instead, the director-general has a degree in literature:

“No one in the COVID Recovery unit, including Jennifer Little, the director-general, had any formal education in epidemiology, medicine or public health.

“Little, who has an undergraduate degree in literature from the University of Toronto, testified that there were 20 people in the unit. When Presvelos asked her whether anyone in the unit had any professional experience in public health, she said there was one person, Monique St.-Laurent. According to St.-Laurent’s LinkedIn profile, she appears to be a civil servant who briefly worked for the Public Health Agency of Canada. St.-Laurent is not a doctor, Little said. (Reached on the phone, St.-Laurent confirmed that she was a member of COVID Recovery. She referred other questions to a government spokesperson.)”

The worldwide response to Covid was not merely a crime against humanity, it was literally fiction invented by literature majors, failed actors, and corrupt bureaucrats funded by evil billionaires devoted to global depopulation.

All of those gullible victims who got themselves and their children vaccinated against Covid and thereby reduced their fertility and expected lifespans did so on the basis of a series of fairy tales told by wicked halfwits. This may have been the single stupidest collective action by a large group of people since the Children’s Crusade of 1212.

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Scott Adams Comes Clean

Yeah, no one thought it was herpes, Scott.

Now, before we start, let me call attention to this gigantic sore on my lip. I know, I know. You’re going to say: is that giant herpes? No, nope. I burned myself on soup. I twice microwaved the same soup – I microwaved it, it got cold, and I microwaved it again – I overmicrowaved it. And when I took a sip, I quickly spit it out because it was scalding, but there was a little piece of spinach that was part of the soup that wrapped around my lip and wouldn’t let go.

WAAAH-AHH-AHH

And so I didn’t realize how bad it was until it actually blistered. I know what people are going to say in the comments. It’s monkeypox, right? Go ahead, just say it, say it. It’s monkeypox. It was NOT monkeypox, it was from hot soup.

Now, in the interest of proper context, at the time I was eating the soup, I was also f—— a monkey. But I don’t think that has anything to do with this. It was probably the soup. And I’m not gay, but the monkey was. The monkey was very gay. And I don’t think that gives you any risk, because I’ve read that you both have to be gay. But I was not gay, I was just a man having sex with a monkey who happened to be male, and there’s nothing wrong with that.

Forget the monkey and the possible monkeypox. I’d say we now have a pretty good idea why his wife left him. What woman can be expected to tolerate a man who still hasn’t figured out how to eat soup by the time he reaches the age of 50?

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