Tag: sports

So I went skiing today. And while I don’t completely object to the idea of putting helmets on little kids since they sometimes get going and don’t know how to stop, it is astonishing to see how many adults and teenagers wear them now. It’s ridiculous. I started skiing when I was three and I don’t recall seeing or even hearing of anyone ever impaling their skull on a tree branch.

And another thing. Those short, fat skis that everyone uses nowadays. It’s the Alpine equivalent of people walking around wearing clown shoes with suits. They supposedly make it easier to ski, but when I tried them I found it far too irritating to have to keep my skis apart. So, often I’m the only one on the mountain with what I consider to be proper skis. I suppose I’d feel like a dinosaur if everyone else didn’t look like such retarded clowns.

It’s been interesting to read all of the stories about the supposedly bitter Packers-Bears rivalry. It all sounds rather manufactured, whereas if this had been Packers-Vikes, everyone would be at Def-Con 5. You see, having married a Wisconsinite, I’m not exactly unfamiliar with Packers fans. And while the Bears, with their storied NFL history and legendary Hall of Fame players, are no doubt deeply respected by both Vikings fans and Packers fans alike, I don’t think I’ve ever known a single Packers fan to be more obsessed with the Bears than they are with the Vikings, even though the Bears have been to two more Super Bowls than the Vikings since the end of the 1970s. And on sites like ProFootballTalk, Packers fans are CONSTANTLY sniping at the Vikings, never at the Bears.

For example, is there even a single pejorative term they habitually use to describe the Bears? I could give you a comprehensive list of the ones that are used to describe the Vikings, starting with Vi-Queens and working down from there. (They are a clever lot, aren’t they.) In fact, I tend to suspect that even the claim the Bears are the Packers’ primary divisional rivals is one that is manufactured in a futile attempt to get under the skin of Vikings fans. Which, of course, is useless, since Vikings fans don’t usually care much what Packers fans do or think, except to be amused by them when they get suicidal over losing to the Vikes. (Packers fans put this down to our supposedly fair-weather nature, when it’s just down to actually having other entertainment options than obsessing over who will be the third-string right tackle… in June.)

The strangest thing was the way Packers fans thought we were lording it over them last year when Favre decided to play in purple. This wasn’t the case at all; they still care about him far more than we ever did even when he was winning games for us. It wasn’t Favre that particularly excited us so much as the fact that The Tarvaris Jackson Experiment wasn’t behind center.

Now, there is nothing in football I love more than seeing the Vikings beat the Packers, but I’m actually quite pleased to see two NFC Central (North) teams playing for the NFC Championship, even if I’m vaguely nauseous at the thought of either of them, much less the Steelers, winning another Super Bowl. I don’t know which team I’d rather see win; I tend to prefer the Packers since I like the small town ownership arrangement and honor the memory of the late, great Reggie White. On the other hand, the thought of Jay Cutler, Super Bowl MVP offers serious humor potential. So, I’ll probably just watch and enjoy the game.

And, of course, any Packers fans who wish to articulate the case for the Bears as their primary rivals are certainly free to make their case. But you know, I cannot think of a single time that there was ever a big Monday Night Football party thrown just because the Packers were playing the Bears nor do I ever recall Packers fans wearing their jerseys to work because the Pack was playing Chicago that upcoming weekend.

I very much suspect Jay Cutler is French. He plays quarterback in exactly the manner in which one imagines a nihilist philosopher would. A long touchdown strike to the tight end, a goal line pass thrown directly to the breadbasket of the opposing linebacker, what is the difference, really? Atoms are arranged one way, atoms are arranged another way, none of it has any meaning.

Don’t ask him questions, media wretch. You bore him. How could you not? The hole in the zone, the wafting of grey smoke from a Galoises Blonde, the thin sheen of sweat on the naked buttocks of a so-called “Hollywood” actress, these are all mere ephemeral pleasures. You ask Jay Cutler why he sneers; Jay Cutler asks why you do not shriek at the tedious horror of it all.

I really enjoy watching Baltimore-Pittsburgh games. It’s not the oldest rivalry in the league, but now that the New England-Indianapolis rivalry has faded with the Colts’ decline, it’s the most fun for a non-partisan football fan to watch. I think the Steelers have the advantage because I trust Big Ben at QB more than Flacco, but I don’t actually care who wins.

I hope the Seahawks’ upset of New Orleans yesterday stops all the stupid hand-wringing about seed advantages going to the division winners. Weak divisions and strong divisions are part of football and it is part of what makes the NFL season exciting. The whines of those who think that the teams with the best records should make the playoffs and be seeded in order of their record border on the moronic; they might as well do what the European soccer leagues do, throw out the playoffs altogether and crown the team with the best record the champion.

Destroying division rivalries and ensuring that even more teams are out of the mix weeks before the end of the season in favor of what can only be a childish sense of “fairness” or worse, a numerological fetish, would be ridiculous. There is nothing unfair about it and every team knew what the rules were going in. Who cares if a 7-9 team made it to the playoffs and a few 10-6 teams stayed home? If you want to be guaranteed a spot, win your damn division. Going down this route is a step towards the elimination of the divisions, the conferences, and eventually, the justification for holding a Super Bowl. I dislike the Seahawks intensely and I like Drew Brees, but I am very, very glad that the NFC West champions won their first-round game.

I never liked the expansion of the playoffs to include multiple wild cards and this call to further diminish the meaning of a division championship shows that I was correct to be suspicious of it.

Well, by ESPN standards, anyhow:

The five smartest things I’ve seen from readers this week via comments, Facebook, Twitter and my mailbag.

In a Facebook conversation spurred by a radio appearance, NATE said: “As several NFL guys have pointed out… blowing a top 3 QB pick usually sets a franchise back years. Fisher was able to stave that off for years… but it finally blew up on him.

“In my estimation… the mediocrity of the last 5 years proves that Jeff Fisher is one of the three or four best coaches in the NFL.”

PK says: I think that’s overrating Fisher, but your broad point is a good one.

I never bought into either the Vince Young or the JaMarcus Russell story. In fact, I still don’t buy into Ron Mexico 1.0 or 2.0; running quarterbacks, (as opposed to mobile quarterbacks), hurt you as much as they help you in the long run. And I do think Fisher is a good coach, although I’d consider him more top ten material than top four.

1. Belichick. No question.
2. Sean Payton. Not much history, but what is there is good.
3. Hmmmm… Mike Smith? He’s pretty new. The Ultimate Leader is overrated. Reid is good but flawed and can’t control the clock. McCarthy has promise, but ditto. I’m not convinced about Tomlin yet while Caldwell is Art Shell 3.0 and coasting on the Manning and the Dungy legacy. Haley and Morris have started off well, but it’s just one year. Coughlin is really the only one I can think of that compares favorably to Fisher with a Super Bowl win as well as taking the Jags to the AFC Championship game. Maybe Fisher is top four after all.

You may now return to contemplating the Eschaton.

60 MS Swamp Spartans
47 Bane Sidhe

Congratulations to Clay and the Swamp Spartans, who continued in the time-honored VPFL tradition of knocking off the regular-season leader in the championship game in a surprisingly low-scoring finale. As a prize for winning the league, they will be back to play again next year. Third place was claimed by Greenfield with an 89-60 defeat of the Quixotes.

On the NFL side, if Frazier starts Favre after last week’s performance against the Eagles by Webb, I wouldn’t even think about converting his interim label.

It’s the Swamp Spartans vs the regular season champion Sidhe. The winner claims the championship and a place in the league next year. The first round games:

70 MS Swamp Spartans
68 Valders Quixotes

61 Bane Sidhe
52 Greenfield Grizzlies

81 Bane Sidhe (10-4-0)
36 Greenfield Grizzlies (7-6-1)

83 Valders Quixotes (9-5-0)
26 Blackmouth Banksters (7-7-0)

89 MS Swamp Spartans (8-5-1)
52 Winston Reverends (4-10-0)

63 Judean Rhyneauxs (7-7-0)
50 Moundsview Meerkats (4-9-1)

89 RR Redbeards (7-6-1)
56 Meigs Marauders (5-9-0)

The regular season came to a close with Bane claiming the top seed and Greenfield edging out the Redbeards for the last playoff spot. That sets up a second straight Bane-Greenfield game in two weeks while the Quixotes and Swamp Spartans face off in the other playoff games. The Redbeards’ Tom Brady was the MVP, scoring 232 points to lead the league.