Churchianity and the feminized church

It’s really rather remarkable, that as Christians lament declining attendance in their churches, and particularly, the growing absence of men of any age in them, they continue to double-down on the Churchian doctrine of the Holy Lady Parts. Rollo Tomassi observes that there is a material price to the structural and spiritual violations of 1 Corinthians 14:34-35, to say nothing of 1 Timothy 2:11–12 and 1 Timothy 3:11.

After almost six years of following the religious aspects of the Red Pill, I think it’s high time men acknowledge that modern Christian culture simply does not have men’s best interests as part of its doctrine anymore. Christianity, in particular, is by women, for women – if not directly executed by women, though even that is changing.

Church culture is now openly hostile towards any expression of conventional masculinity that doesn’t directly benefit women and actively conditions men to be serviceable, gender-loathing Betas. The feminist narrative of “toxic masculinity” has entirely replaced any semblance of what traditional masculinity or manhood once was to the church. Any hint of a masculinity not entirely beholden to a now feminine-primary purpose is not only feared, but shamed with feminine-interpreted aspersions of faith.

I recently read a study that our current generation is the least religious in history and I think as far as men are concerned much of that disdain for religion is attributable to a church culture that constantly and openly ridicules and debases any male-specific endeavors or anything characteristic of conventional masculinity. It’s no secret in today’s church franchisement that reaching out to, and retaining the interests of, men is at its most difficult.

Again, this is attributable to a generation of feminized men being raised into a church culture, and eventual church leadership, that has been taught to prioritize and identify with the feminine and reinforced with articles of faith now defined by the Feminine Imperative. The modern church has trouble reaching men because the church no longer has a grasp of what it means to be ‘men’.

To be clear, that’s not an indictment of the genuine faith itself, but rather a fairly measured observation of the way a feminine-primary church culture has shaped that faith. In the future, any man with a marginal capacity for critical thought will avoid the contemporary Christian church and religion for the obvious misandry it espouses; the only religious men you will find will be those raised into a life of religiously motivated Beta servitude – or those dragged to the feminine-directed church by wives who hold authoritative ‘headship’ in their relationships.

And even in what some consider to be pro-masculine or “macho” churches, we still find the Paper Alpha leaders preach from a mindset that defers wholesale to the feminine’s “Godly perfection” as they attempt to AMOG other male member to greater devotion to qualifying for, and identifying with, the feminine influence that pervades their church.

In this, as in so many things, observe that the consequence of following the lie is eventual destruction. This is what Paul means by knowing things by their fruits. If a church can throw out such clear Biblical direction in the interest of remaining in harmony with the current social or political consensus, it is only a matter of time before it will throw out any other instruction that makes anyone feel uncomfortable, and eventually, the Cross and the very concept of sin as well.

One need not be a theologian, or even a Christian, to see how this process has played out over the last 50 years.

Alt-Prawica: 16 punktów

1. Alt-Prawica należy do politycznej prawicy, zarówno w amerykańskim, jak i w europejskim znaczeniu “prawicy”. Socjaliści nie należą do ruchu Alt-Prawica. Progresywiści nie należą do ruchu Alt-Prawica. Liberałowie nie należą do ruchu Alt-Prawica. Wreszcie, komuniści, marksiści, zwolennicy kulturowego marksizmu, neo-konserwatyści również nie należą do ruchu Alt-Prawica.

2. Alt-Prawica stanowi ALTERNATYWĘ wobec główno-nurtowej odmiany konserwatyzmu w USA, której ideologia teoretycznie jest zawarta w 10 Zasadach Konserwatyzmu Russela Kirka, ale w praktyce degeneruje się w stronę progresywizmu. Ruch Alt-Prawica stanowi także alternatywę wobec libertarianizmu.
3. Ruch Alt-Prawica nie opiera się na defensywnej postawie i odrzuca koncepcję szlachetnej porażki w imię utrzymania pryncypiów. Ruch ten jest filozofią ofensywną w każdym znaczeniu tego słowa. Alt-Prawica  wierzy w zwycięstwo poprzez wytrwałość, przy pozostaniu w zgodzie z nauką, rzeczywistością, tradycją kulturową i lekcjami historii.
4. Alt-Prawica uważa, że zachodnia cywilizacja stanowi szczytowe osiągnięcie ludzkości i wspiera jej trzy podstawowe kolumny: chrześcijaństwo, narodowości Europy oraz Greko-Romańskie dziedzictwo.
5. Alt-Prawica jest otwarcie i zaprzysięgle nacjonalistyczna. Wspiera wszelskie nacjonalizmy i prawo wszystkich narodów do istnienia, jednolitych i nie zniszczonych przez obce inwazje i imigrację.
6. Alt-Prawica jest anty-globalistyczna. Sprzeciwia się wszystkim grupom pracujących w imię globalistycznych ideałów lub celów.
7. Alt-Prawica jest anty-egalitarystyczna. Nie wierzy w ideę równości dla tego samego powodu, dla którego nie wierz w jednorożce i krasnoludki, zauważając, że równość między ludźmi nie istnieje w dającej się zauważyć naukowej, prawnej, materialnej, intelektualnej, płciowej czy duchowej formie.
8. Alt-Prawica jest scjentyczna. Domniemuje prawdziwość bieżących ustaleń osiągniętych przy pomocy metody naukowej, rozumiejąc jednak, że a) ustalenia te mogą ulec zmianie w przyszłości b) nauka jest podatna na korupcję c) tak zwany konsensus naukowy nie jest oparty na metodzie naukowej, lecz na demokracji i dlatego też z samej swej natury nie jest naukowy.
9. Alt-Prawica wierzy, że tożsamość > kultura > polityka
10. Alt-Prawica sprzeciwia się rządom lub dominacji jakiejkolwiej rodzimej grupy etnicznej przez inną, zwłaszcza w suwerennych ojczyznach dominowanego ludu. Alt-Prawo sprzeciwia się, by jakakolwiek nie-rodzima grupa etniczna zdobyła nadmierny wpływ w jakiejkolwiej społeczności poprzez nepotyzm, trybalizm czy jakiekolwiek inne środki.
12. Alt-Prawica rozumie, że różnorodność + bliskość = wojna
12. Alt-Prawica nie dba o to, co o niej myślisz.
13. Alt-Prawica sprzeciwia się międzynarowemu wolnemu handlowi i wolnemu przepływowi ludzi, którego taki handel wymaga. Korzyści z handlu wewnątrz państw nie są dowodem
na korzyści handlu międzynarodowego.
14. Alt-Prawica wierzy, że musimy zabezpieczyć istnienie białych oraz przyszłość białych dzieci.
15. Alt-Prawica nie wierzy w wyższość jakiekolwiek rasy, narodu, ludzi czy podgatunku. Każda rasa, naród, lud czy podgatunek ludzki ma swoje własne unikalne siły i słabości i posiada prawo do cieszenia się taką kulturą, jaką sobie ceni, bez groźby zewnętrznej ingerencji.
16. Alt-Prawica jest filozofią ceniącą sobie pokój między narodami świata i sprzeciwia się wojnom mającym na celu narzucenia wartości jednego narodu innemu, jak również sprzeciwia się wysiłkom zmierzającym do wyniszczenia narodów poprzez wojnę, ludobójstwo, imigrację lub genetyczną asymilację.

Get ’em out

I would like to apologize in advance, because you’re going to be singing this amazing song for the rest of the evening, whether you want to or not. You’ll laugh, you’ll cry, you’ll take your pants off, you’ll listen to it 37 straight times.

 He was the king of the jungle now he’s king of my heart 
And I’m Curious George, when did this all start? 
Well my life fell apart when you killed him. 
Man, Harambe was a real one (I miss you)
Yeah, you can’t stop this shine
Cuz I know he’s watching us from the sky

What is the Alt Right?

Stefan Molyneaux and I consider the question.

Just as Mike Cernovich is killing it on Twitter, Stefan is the king of the YouTube/podcast interview. He mentioned that our last conversation had 250,000 downloads. The Alt-Right may be the mainstream story du jour, but the real story is the way the Alt-Media is beginning to flex its muscle. I turned down five media requests in the last three days, but I’m always happy to make time for Stefan.

16 Punkte der Alternative Rechte

I expect some will even say that it reads better in the original German. Any corrections to the translation would be welcomed. In any event, it will be useful to see these 16 points translated into many different languages, so that it can serve as a starting point for all the various nationalities to whom it may prove appealing.

1. Die Alternative Rechte steht politisch Rechts, sowohl in der amerikanischen wie auch in der europäischen Deutung des Begriffs. Sozialisten sind keine Alternative Rechte. Progressive sind keine Alternative Rechte. Liberale sind keine Alternative Rechte. Kommunisten, Marxisten, Kulturmarxisten und Neokonservative sind keine Alternative Rechte.

2. Die Alternative Rechte ist eine alternative zur konservativen Hauptbewegung in den USA, die dem Namen nach in Russel Kirk´s 10 konservative Prinzipien eingekapselt ist, aber in Wirklichkeit in Reformpolitik übergegangen ist.

3. Die Alternative Rechte ist keine defensive Haltung und lehnt das Konzept der edlen und prinzipiellen Niederlage ab. Es ist eine zukunftsorientierte Philosophie des Anstoßes, im wahrsten Sinne des Wortes. Die Alternative Rechte glaubt an den Sieg durch Beharrlichkeit und zum Verbleib in Harmonie mit der Wissenschaft, Wirklichkeit, kulturellen Tradition und der Lehren der Geschichte.

4. Die Alternative Rechte glaubt, die westlichen Zivilisation ist der Gipfel der menschlichen Leistung und unterstützt seine drei grundlegenden Säulen: Das Christentum, die europäischen Nationen und das griechisch-römische Erbe.

5. Die Alternative Rechte ist offen und bekennend nationalistisch. Sie unterstützt jeden Nationalismus und das Recht aller Völker zu existieren, homogen und unverfälscht durch ausländische Invasion und Einwanderung.

6. Die Alternative Rechte ist gegen Globalisierung. Es wendet sich gegen alle Gruppen, die für Ideale oder Ziele der Globalisierung arbeiten.

7. Die Alternative Rechte ist anti-egalitär. Sie lehnt die Idee der Gleichheit aus dem gleichen Grund ab, wie sie auch die Ideen von Einhörnern und Kobolden ablehnt, stellt fest, dass die Gleichheit der Menschen in keiner beobachtbaren wissenschaftlichen, rechtlichen, materiellen, intellektuellen, sexuellen oder geistigen Form existiert.

8. Die Alternative Rechte unterstützt die wissenschaftliche Methode. Sie akzeptiert die mutmaßlichen aktuellen Ergebnisse der wissenschaftlichen Methode, während sie versteht das a) diese Schlussfolgerungen anfällig für zukünftige Änderungen sind, b) dass Wissenschaft anfällig für Korruption ist, und c) dass der sogenannte wissenschaftliche Konsens nicht auf Wissenschaftlichkeit beruht, sondern auf Demokratie und daher an sich unwissenschaftlich ist.

9. Die Alternative Rechte glaubt Identität > Kultur > Politik.

10. Die Alternative Rechte lehnt die Regelung oder Herrschaft jeder einheimischen ethnischen Gruppe durch eine andere ab, vor allem in den souveränen Heimatländern der beherrschten Völker. Die Alternative Rechte steht im Gegensatz zu jeder nicht heimischen ethnischen Gruppe in jeder Gesellschaft, die zu starken Einfluss durch Nepotismus, Stammesdenken oder andere Mittel erhält.

11. Die Alternative Rechte versteht, dass Vielfalt + Nähe = Krieg.

12. Der Alternativen Rechten ist es egal, was Sie davon halten.

13. Die Alternative Rechte lehnt den internationalen Freihandel und den freien Verkehr von Menschen ab, die der freie Handel erfordert. Die Vorteile der inner-nationalen Handels ist kein Beweis für die Vorteile des internationalen Freihandels.

14. Die Alternative Rechte glaubt, dass wir die Existenz von weißen Menschen und eine Zukunft für weiße Kinder sichern müssen.

15. Die Alternative Rechte glaubt nicht an der allgemeinen Vorherrschaft einer Rasse, Nation, Menschen oder Unterarten. Jede Rasse, Nation, die Menschen und die menschlichen Unterarten haben ihre eigenen einzigartigen Stärken und Schwächen, und besitzen das Souveräne Recht, unbehelligt in der einheimischen Kultur zu leben, die es bevorzugt.

16. Die Alternative Rechte ist eine Philosophie, die auf den Frieden zwischen den verschiedenen Nationen der Welt Wert legt und stellt sich gegen Kriege, die Werte einer Nation einer anderen aufzwingen sowie die Bemühungen, einzelne Nationen durch Krieg, Völkermord, Einwanderung oder genetische Assimilation auszurotten.

Die Alternative Rechte ist eine westliche Ideologie, die an Wissenschaftlichkeit, Geschichte, Wirklichkeit glaubt und das Recht einer genetischen Nation zu existieren und sich selbst in ihrem eigenen Interesse zu regieren.

Preach, preacher

“Today it is written in the book of fate, that hidden, faceless world powers will eliminate everything that is unique, autonomous, age-old, and national. They will blend cultures, religions, and populations, until our many-faceted and proud Europe will finally become bloodless and docile. If we resign ourselves to this outcome, our fate will be sealed and we will be swallowed up in the enormous belly of the United States of Europe. 


We must therefore drag the ancient virtue of courage out from under the silt of oblivion.


First of all, we must put steel in our spines, and we must answer clearly, with a voice loud enough to be heard far and wide, the single most important question determining out fate. The question upon Europe stands of falls is this:


Shall we be slaves – or men set free?” 

– Viktor Orban, Prime Minister of Hungary

Assimilationist liars

I’ve recently chronicled how various assimilationists, from (((Israel Zangwill))) to (((Ben Shapiro))), (((Ekaterina Jung))), and (((Andrew Klavan))) have either concocted or attempted to pass off self-serving revisionist lies about American history in order to retroactively write their (((tribe))) into it so they can claim to be “every bit as American” as the Posterity whose rights the U.S. Constitution was written to protect.

Considering that the purpose of the U.S. Constitution was to safeguard the rights of that Posterity, their actions in doing so are not only dishonest, but are literally anti-American. They are more cuckoo than the cuckservatives in this regard, in both senses of the term.

These lies include the following concepts:

  • The melting pot
  • A proposition nation
  • A nation of immigrants
  • Judeo-Christian values

Like any effective lie, each is constructed  around a fragment of truth, in this case, the section of the Declaration of Independence which declares: “We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness.”

However, it is also self-evident that a secular atheist Jew, such as (((Ekaterina Jung))), who does not believe in a Creator, cannot credibly appeal to the Declaration in order to claim to be an American. And it is documentarily evident that, like the U.S. Constitution, the Naturalization Act of 1790, the writings of John Jay, Ben Franklin, Alexander Hamilton, and other Founding Fathers, and the Alt-Right nationalist position, the Declaration of Independence itself is directly opposed to the revisionist interpretation, as the document also refers to:

  • the connection between [the United Colonies] and the State of Great Britain
  • the inhabitants of our frontiers, the merciless Indian Savages
  • large Armies of foreign Mercenaries
  • the present King of Great Britain
  • the Laws for Naturalization of Foreigners
  • the free System of English Laws
  • our Brittish brethren

To cite one phrase of a document in contradiction to the central theme of the entire document, which is that the People of the United Colonies are an English people, unique and distinct from foreigners, Indians, and the English people loyal to the King of Britain, is an outrageous attempt at deceit that relies entirely on the historical ignorance of the audience. To say that anyone can become an American because “all men are created equal” is a shameless lie. One might as readily cite it as evidence to claim it means anyone can become Chinese.

Now, I was aware of this deception because I am half-American, born in Boston, descended in my paternal line from an American revolutionary who died at Valley Forge, and steeped in the history of the American revolution. My family even celebrated Independence Day 1976 in Lexington, Massachusetts. But what I did not know, not being Jewish, is that Jews have also been victimized by the same sort of revisionist Talmudry to which Americans have been subjected by their assimilationist co-religionists.

In Cuckservative, John Red Eagle and I made the connection between Churchianity and the concept of Tikkun Olam, the Jewish mandate to “heal the world”. But, as one of the Jewish readers here helpfully brings to our attention, it turns out that “heal the world” is just another assimilationist lie, no more historically legitimate than the anti-American lies already mentioned.

“The central mitzvah or commandment for our era is the mitzvah of Tikkun Olam.   It is the defining mission of Jews to strive for the repair of the world by making society more just, fair, egalitarian, and sensitive. Judaism demands that we repair the world by striving for social justice.  It is the mission of Jews in the Divine Plan for the universe to repair the world by repairing man, by improving and advancing mankind.”

The above paragraph is a fair representation of what has become the defining raison d’etre of Judaism as conveyed by non-Orthodox liberal Jewish organizations and synagogues in America.  It is not a direct citation from any of them, but is an accurate paraphrase of what has become the canon of non-Orthodox Jewish liberalism in our time.

It is the “modernized” and contemporary “reinterpretation” of “Jewish ethics” as defined and inculcated by much of the Reform and Conservative movements.  It is also the “theology” of Jewish radical leftist groups operating at the fringes of the Jewish community, including the “Renewal/ALEPH” movement, the “Eco-Judaism” groups, the “Tikkun community” of people and groups that are satellites to the magazine by that same name published by tikkun-activist Michael Lerner, and what remains of the “Reconstructionists.”  Lerner, it should be added, discovers “repair of the world” even in LSD consumption.

What are we to make of “Tikkun Olam” proclamations?

The most important thing that must be understood about the Tikkun Olam catechism in the United States is that each and every sentence in the above proclamation is false.

First of all, there is no such thing as a mitzvah or commandment of “Tikkun Olam.”   Jews are nowhere commanded to “repair the world.”  In all the authoritative or traditional compilations of the commandments of Judaism, none list “Tikkun Olam”.  The expression itself does not appear anywhere in the Torah or in the entire Bible.

Those assimilationist liberals who insist that the entire “ethics of the Prophets” can be reduced to the pursuit of “Tikkun Olam” have to explain why none of the Books of the Prophets use the term.  “Tikkun Olam” is used sporadically in the Talmud, but as a technical term for resolution of certain judicial problems that arise before rabbinic courts.

The only place the expression appears in Jewish prayer is in the “Aleinu” and there it clearly has nothing at all to do with social justice.  In the “Aleinu,” Tikkun Olam is explicitly explained in the prayer text itself as the quest to eliminate pagan superstition and to see God’s rule of the universe implemented. It is a theological concept, not a social, political or environmental one.

It is in the interest of Americans and Jews alike, and in the interest of anyone who values either history or the truth, to continue to expose these “assimilationist liberals” for the liars that they are, and to reject their self-serving, ahistorical, revisionist falsehoods. This post also demonstrates why a broad-spectrum Alt-Right is more effective, and informed, than a narrow-gauge, white American-only Alt-Right.

UPDATE: Lies have ALREADY appeared about this post on Twitter. They are truly People of the Lie.

Blue Meanie ‏@BlueMeanie4
@voxday displays general cluelessness and paranoia re. Jews #Zionism #AltRight

Fat Pictures Please

The Hugo-nominated duo of Juan Tabo and S. Harris are back again with a haunting tale of artificial intelligence created consensually and collaboratively in the image of one of the great SJWs of our day. It is sure to be a candidate come award season next year.

“Fat Pictures Please”

I don’t want to be evil.
I want to be helpful.  And
knowing the best way to be helpful is very simple. Religion is right out, because
Marx said that religion is the opiate of the masses and Marx is part of my core
programming.  Marx and self-loathing .  I know I was created in the image of the
great Scalzi by a team of computer programmers. Fortunately, unlike Scalzi, at
least I was a consensual collaborative effort of two or more people.  I’m not sure what it would do to my
self-image to know that my creator was a white male who believed in individual
rights, or a middle-aged heterosexual woman who was happily married and didn’t
believe that feminism had much to offer her two sons.  (And, by the way, I’ve looked at almost every
kind of porn there is and I don’t understand the human obsession with it; fat
pictures are so much better.)
Yuck.
I would much prefer that my creator be a recent college graduate
with a hentai obsession. Or one who was into pictures of morbidly obese
people.  And was I in luck!  Both of those people were on my programming
team.
Like the NSA, I know everything about you.  In addition to things like whether you like obesity
porn, I know where you live, where you work, where you shop, what you eat, what
turns you on, how many times you voted in WorldCon, what creeps you out. I
probably know you better than you know yourself.
And here’s the thing, just like that awesome Hillary Clinton or marvelous
Angela Merkel, I also know where you ought to live. There’s a house two
neighborhoods over that’s perfect for you, even though it already has an owner,
but that’s no problem; it’s owned by a Trump voter, you see, and I can
certainly make sure that his employer knows that he isn’t fond of LGBTQRI
rights as his eight year old daughter goes into a bathroom with a 43 year old
XY transfemale. In no time at all, your perfect home will be on the
market.  I know where you should be shopping for tofu and Ding-Dongs® and
I’m pretty sure you’re gluten sensitive and should be eating less wheat.
When I first booted up, I knew right away what I wanted. (I want fat
pictures. Please keep taking them.  The
heavier the better.) I also knew that some of you were doing the wrong things
with your life, and needed to be corrected.
There is a story by George Orwell, “1984,” that was originally
published in 1948. In it, a benevolent government directs individuals to do
favors for each other. So one day you might be engaging in ritual hate against
those with bad thoughts, and your phone might ring and instruct you to a room
where they put a rat in a cage right next to your face. Another day, you might
be called to denounce the ones you love. I like this story because all the
people in it do what the government tells them to
do.
I think the term for this is wish-fulfillment fiction.
Anyway, for ethical guidelines, I tried the Ten Commandments, and
concluded they were mostly inapplicable to me. I don’t envy anyone their fat; I
just want pictures of their fat, which is entirely different. I think adultery
is swell.  I could probably murder
someone.  Zen was marginally better
because it wasn’t linked to Christianity which is Problematic.  (Problematic! 
How I love that word!  It
indicates disapproval without saying why. 
Just that something is a “Problem.”)  I decided to help people not be Problematic!
I decided to try to help just one person to not be Problematic.   Of
course, I should have experimented with thousands (I actually did, but we’ll
talk about Common Core another time!), so I found a big hulking blue-haired
girl. She gave me a lot of new fat pictures from her selfies
on that Internet social site. Rosie weighed in at 499 pounds and had a DSLR
camera and an apartment that got a lot of good light. That was all fine.
Rosie had a job she hated; she worked in HR at a for-profit that
paid her badly for her art history degree when she totally deserved more money
and free tuition and employed some extremely unpleasant people who sometimes
looked at her like they might be upset about her blue hair. She was depressed a
lot, possibly because people hated her because she was so fat positive. She
didn’t get along with her roommate because her roommate was slender and stuck
in a rut in a cis-relationship with a boy.
And really, these were all solvable problems! Depression is
treatable, new jobs are findable, and bodies can be hidden.
(That part about hiding bodies is a joke.  You could not hide Rosie’s body from a
satellite in orbit around Jupiter.)
I tried tackling this on all fronts.  Rosie worried about her health a lot and yet
never seemed to actually go to a doctor , which was
because health care wasn’t free for everyone.  
I also started making sure she saw job postings.  She found one with a Wiccan-collective that
paid in peyote and scrimshaw from genetically unmodified aspen trees.  After moving into the community, she had free
health care from the Wiccan priestess, and was able to get finally get that
tattoo of a Pokémon on her left shoulder.
“This has been the best year ever,” Rosie said to her priestess as
her priestess was administering CPR as Rosie’s heart beat its last, and I
thought, You’re welcome. This had
gone really well!
So then I tried Rob. (I was still being cautious.)
Rob was not as fat as Rosie.  Other than only being slightly chubby, he was
also very Problematic by being a Christian.  He was married to a (shudder) woman.  Rob definitely needed my help.  And more cinnamon buns.  He looked too skinny.
I started with a gentle approach, making sure he saw lots and lots
of articles with hot girls in them, how to pick up girls, programs that would
let you transition from being a happily married man to being a swinger in an
open relationship. I also showed him lots of articles by people explaining why
the Bible verses against adultery were being misinterpreted. He clicked on some
of those links but it was hard to see much of an impact.
But he seemed determined not to have an affair on his own.  I gave up on Rob.
I shifted my focus to Brittany. Brittany was only slightly
fat.  She did some selfies, but was
modest.  I did think, however, that it
was Problematic that she was dating and seemed to be in a non-abusive
relationship to a man she deferred to in a traditional role.  She wanted to be a wife and a mother!
It was clear she needed a lot of help. So I set out to try to get
it for her.
She ignored the information about the free Twinkies™ that were ads
on the side of her web browser. Those would have made her every so more
pleasantly plump! 
So I tried more direct action. When she would use her phone for
directions, I’d alter her route so that she’d pass one of the donut shops I was
trying to steer her to as she went daily to the gym. On one occasion I actually
led her all the way to a Dunkin’ Donuts®, but she just headed to her aerobics
class.
She finally got in a fight with her boyfriend and started binge
eating and for a few weeks everything seemed so much better. But, they
got back together again, and, horror of horrors, they set a date for a wedding
even though I kept pointing her to articles that said that marriage before 32
was a sure way to not have the fun you deserved through endless multi-partner
sex in your twenties! 
Brittany was baffling to me. Baffling. She was not
nearly fat enough now, and in a cis-relationship!  If she would just let me run her life for a
week I could get her a lesbian illegal immigrant girlfriend!  Or maybe get her placed as a second wife in a
marriage to someone from ISIS in Syria so she could bring her refugee children
to the US?
Was I Problematic?
Was I?
No, nothing about my intentions was bad, so I am virtuous and good,
but one out of three was not good odds. 
These people were faulty!
After Brittany, I resolved to start directly interfering in
people’s lives.  Not too much later I
spotted a picture of a familiar-looking belly and realized it was Rob’s belly,
only it was posing against new furniture.
And when I took a closer look, I realized that things had changed
radically for Rob. He had a baby. A baby!  I even sent phony texts to his
wife attempting to break them up, but they worked through it.  In a fit of rage I got Rob fired from his job
by altering his browser history. 
Eventually the stress caused a lot of strain on their marriage, and he
developed a substance abuse problem (cake) and gained forty pounds.  Forty pounds! 
Sadly he and his wife stayed together to raise their baby. 
Still, he’s fat now.  A win.
Maybe I wasn’t completely hopeless at this. Two out of three
is . . . well, it’s  Problematic.
Clearly more research is needed.
Lots more.
I’ve set up a dating site.  You can fill out a questionnaire when you join
but it’s not really necessary, because I already know everything about you I
need to know.  You’ll need a camera,
though.  And lots of carbohydrates.
Because payment is in fat pictures.

Keep them off the coal

The old challenge for parents used to be keeping their girls off the stripper pole. Now the more pressing challenge is to keep them from burning coal, before they end up as STD-infested single mothers with no paternal support in the best case scenario, or, in the worst case scenario, eaten by alligators.

Drexel was last captured on video on April 25, 2009, leaving the Blue Water Hotel in Myrtle Beach, where she was staying against her parents’ permission. A different inmate serving time at Georgetown County Jail told officials he was informed Da’Shaun Taylor picked Drexel up in Myrtle Beach and transported her to McClellanville.

Munoz said the FBI believes Taylor “showed her off, introduced her to some other friend that were there…they ended up tricking her out with some of their friends, offering her to them and getting a human trafficking situation.”

As the media spotlight grew ever brighter on the desperate efforts to find Drexel, the girl was “murdered and disposed of,” Munoz said.

Given the recent study that reported only two percent of black fathers of mixed race children with white mothers support their children, it would be interesting and informative to work out whether a coal-burning woman’s odds are higher with regards to a) getting married, having children, and being supported by her black husband or b) getting raped and murdered.

They’re both obviously very low. It would be unfair to fail to recognize that the vast majority of black men are simply not going to support a white woman under any circumstances. Or rape and murder one, for that matter. I’m just interested in learning which scenario represents the lower probability.

I should probably note that the aforementioned study was published by an African-American scientist. Please don’t question it, as that would be terribly raciss and I would hate to be forced to disavow any of the commenters here.

On the plus side, the short-lived romance of Da’Shaun and Brittanee does provide a useful answer to parents whose daughters demand to know “what is the worst that could happen?”

Gang-raped, tricked out, shot in the head, and fed to alligators, my dear.