First Star Wars, Now Middle Earth

The Hellmouth is methodically destroying the intellectual property it manages to acquire. Star Wars is effectively dead, so now it’s abusing Middle Earth.

Pop culture critic Gary Buechler aka Nerdrotic shared his review for Warner Bros. latest release The Lord of the Rings: The War of the Rohirrim by deeming it a “boring slog.”

In a recent video upload, Buechler makes it clear the film does indeed feature a girl boss in the form of Helm Hammerhand’s daughter, Hera, who has no name in Tolkien’s original work and is only mentioned in a single sentence.

He says, “They went with a girl boss.” After noting the movie is not as bad as The Rings of Power, he says, “What [Warner Bros.] did manage to do was girl boss better.”

He explains, “War of the Rohirrim is about some unnamed daughter who ends up being the impetus of the story leading around a bunch of incompetent men who should have listened to her in the first place.”

“What could have been the story centered on Helm Hammerhand and the tragic events that led to the naming of Helm’s Deep turned into something else,” he added.

It’s all so tedious. Tolkien wrote less about women, and had less interest in the female perspective, than nearly any author not writing gay space dinosaur porn. So, naturally, the Hellmouth sees the mere mention of one character having a daughter and promptly throws out everything in order to tell her story.

It’s a remarkable form of arrogant non-creativity to both a) require someone else’s story and then b) refuse to tell it as is. What’s fascinating is the way in which it clearly never occurs to the non-creators that absolutely no one is interested in their stories, which is why they require the rights to the IP in the first place.

Tolkien’s legacy would have been much better served by putting his work into the public domain upon his death. Or, at the very least, upon his son Christopher’s death, as Christopher Tolkien was an excellent steward of his father’s work.

DISCUSS ON SG


Brainstorm on Darkstream

As we’re working on elevating the content on UATV, I’m going to introduce a new concept on the Darkstream called Brainstorm. Essentially, I’m going to be live-critiquing a major intellectual work, or a section of an essay by a historical intellectual. When possible, I’ll post a selection and a reference ahead of time, to give viewers the chance to familiarize themselves with the material and attempt to anticipate my critique.

And I don’t intend on making it easy for myself, as the initial choice of Immanuel Kant and his well-known essay An Answer to the Question: What is Enlightenment? which was written in 1784 and published in 1798.

An Answer to the Question: What is Enlightenment?

Enlightenment is the human being’s emergence from his self-incurred minority. Minority is inability to make use of one’s own understanding without direction from another. This minority is self-incurred when its cause lies not in lack of understanding but in lack of resolution and courage to use it without direction from another. Sapere aude! [dare to be wise] Have courage to make use of your own understanding! is thus the motto of enlightenment.

It is because of laziness and cowardice that so great a part of humankind, after nature has long since emancipated them from other people’s direction (naturaliter maiorennes), nevertheless gladly remains minors for life, and that it becomes so easy for others to set themselves up as their guardians. It is so comfortable to be a minor! If I have a book that understands for me, a spiritual advisor who has a conscience for me, a doctor who decides upon a regimen for me, and so forth, I need not trouble myself at all. I need not think, if only I can pay; others will readily undertake the irksome business for me. That by far the greatest part of humankind (including the entire fair sex) should hold the step toward majority to be not only troublesome but also highly dangerous will soon be seen to by those guardians who have kindly taken it upon themselves to supervise them; after they have made their domesticated animals dumb and carefully prevented these placid creatures from daring to take a single step without the walking cart in which they have confined them, they then show them the danger that threatens them if they try to walk alone. Now this danger is not in fact so great, for by a few falls they would eventually learn to walk; but an example of this kind makes them timid and usually frightens them away from any further attempt.

Thus it is difficult for any single individual to extricate himself from the minority that has become almost nature to him. He has even grown fond of it and is really unable for the time being to make use of his own understanding, because he was never allowed to make the attempt. Precepts and formulas, those mechanical instruments of a rational use, or rather misuse, of his natural endowments, are the ball and chain of an everlasting minority. And anyone who did throw them off would still make only an uncertain leap over even the narrowest ditch, since he would not be accustomed to free movement of this kind. Hence there are only a few who have succeeded, by their own cultivation of their spirit, in extricating themselves from minority and yet walking confidently.

But that a public should enlighten itself is more possible; indeed this is almost inevitable, if only it is left its freedom. For there will always be a few independent thinkers, even among the established guardians of the great masses, who, after having themselves cast off the yoke of minority, will disseminate the spirit of a rational valuing of one’s own worth and of the calling of each individual to think for himself. What should be noted here is that the public, which was previously put under this yoke by the guardians, may subsequently itself compel them to remain under it, if the public is suitably stirred up by some of its guardians who are themselves incapable of any enlightenment; so harmful is it to implant prejudices, because they finally take their revenge on the very people who, or whose predecessors, were their authors. Thus a public can achieve enlightenment only slowly. A revolution may well bring about a failing off of personal despotism and of avaricious or tyrannical oppression, but never a true reform in one’s way of thinking; instead new prejudices will serve just as well as old ones to harness the great unthinking masses.

For this enlightenment, however, nothing is required but freedom, and indeed the least harmful of anything that could even be called freedom: namely, freedom to make public use of one’s reason in all matters. But I hear from all sides the cry: Do not argue! The officer says: Do not argue but drill! The tax official: Do not argue but pay! The clergyman: Do not argue but believe! (Only one ruler in the world says: Argue as much as you will and about whatever you will, but obey!) Everywhere there are restrictions on freedom. But what sort of restriction hinders enlightenment, and what sort does not hinder but instead promotes it? – I reply: The public use of one’s reason must always be free, and it alone can bring about enlightenment among human beings; the private use of one’s reason may, however, often be very narrowly restricted without this particularly hindering the progress of enlightenment. But by the public use of one’s own reason I understand that use which someone makes of it as a scholar before the entire public of the world of readers.

Those who are Darkstream and Premium subscribers to UATV will be permitted to participate in the polls for the subject of future Brainstorms. I’ll come up with a few possibilities and you can vote on the one of most interest to you.

DISCUSS ON SG


The Idiotic End of Indiana Jones

The Dark Herald does not recommend Indiana Jones and the Dial of Destiny. Read the comprehensive review at the Arkhaven blog and be grateful for the spoilers that will save you from feeling any temptation to see the conclusive dismantling of another Devil Mouse IP:

The first three Indiana Jones movies (AKA the real ones) were always about religion. The powerful artifacts that Indy rescued, always worked against the wicked men that would try to use them for evil purposes. Since this was written by retarded atheists who were told they were special by their high school creative writing teacher, they went with science fiction. Really shitty science fiction. It makes the last season of Sliders look good. Even Crystal Skull kind of stuck with wicked people trying to misuse a powerful artifact for evil and getting fried for it. I was honestly expecting Voller to be killed by the Dial of Destiny, but he ends up getting shot by Woman King Helena, then dies in a plane crash. I’m positive that none of the writers ever watched the original movies.

Phoebe Waller-Bridge is fundamentally incapable of carrying a motion picture. She is not movie star material; the magic just isn’t there. Even if I liked everything about her, I would still be saying that.

This film is an editing trainwreck on a par with The Rise of Skywalker. I now understand why James Mangold lost his shit at some rando on Twitter. When he signed, he thought he was going to have the kind of freedom he had with Logan and Ford Vs Ferrari. Instead, he was drowning in a river of notes from every department at Disney from day one.

I think at this point everyone in Hollywood now gets the picture. Don’t be fooled by LucasFilm’s prestige, the paycheck isn’t remotely worth the ass ache and heartbreak that will come with the massive resume stain that is a Kathleen Kennedy production… I have to say it’s kind of impressive. It took Kathleen Kennedy three movies before she utterly wrecked Star Wars. But Indiana Jones was destroyed with just one.

In conclusion, Indiana Jones and the Dial of Destiny is a rambling, overlong, incoherent editing vomit pile of film that fails on so many levels I’m honestly impressed by its incompetence

I didn’t see the second or third Indiana Jones movie. Or the fourth one, for that matter. But if there had been any possibility that I might consider seeing the fifth one – and there wasn’t – this review would suffice to eliminate it.

DISCUSS ON SG