The Dark Herald does not recommend Indiana Jones and the Dial of Destiny. Read the comprehensive review at the Arkhaven blog and be grateful for the spoilers that will save you from feeling any temptation to see the conclusive dismantling of another Devil Mouse IP:
The first three Indiana Jones movies (AKA the real ones) were always about religion. The powerful artifacts that Indy rescued, always worked against the wicked men that would try to use them for evil purposes. Since this was written by retarded atheists who were told they were special by their high school creative writing teacher, they went with science fiction. Really shitty science fiction. It makes the last season of Sliders look good. Even Crystal Skull kind of stuck with wicked people trying to misuse a powerful artifact for evil and getting fried for it. I was honestly expecting Voller to be killed by the Dial of Destiny, but he ends up getting shot by Woman King Helena, then dies in a plane crash. I’m positive that none of the writers ever watched the original movies.
Phoebe Waller-Bridge is fundamentally incapable of carrying a motion picture. She is not movie star material; the magic just isn’t there. Even if I liked everything about her, I would still be saying that.
This film is an editing trainwreck on a par with The Rise of Skywalker. I now understand why James Mangold lost his shit at some rando on Twitter. When he signed, he thought he was going to have the kind of freedom he had with Logan and Ford Vs Ferrari. Instead, he was drowning in a river of notes from every department at Disney from day one.
I think at this point everyone in Hollywood now gets the picture. Don’t be fooled by LucasFilm’s prestige, the paycheck isn’t remotely worth the ass ache and heartbreak that will come with the massive resume stain that is a Kathleen Kennedy production… I have to say it’s kind of impressive. It took Kathleen Kennedy three movies before she utterly wrecked Star Wars. But Indiana Jones was destroyed with just one.
In conclusion, Indiana Jones and the Dial of Destiny is a rambling, overlong, incoherent editing vomit pile of film that fails on so many levels I’m honestly impressed by its incompetence
I didn’t see the second or third Indiana Jones movie. Or the fourth one, for that matter. But if there had been any possibility that I might consider seeing the fifth one – and there wasn’t – this review would suffice to eliminate it.