Tag: movies

It’s Going to be So Bad

How to demonstrate you don’t understand the work of JRR Tolkien in three words or less:

Season 1 has a $465 million budget. Amazon Studios chief Jennifer Salke stated in May 2021 that she was “pretty confident” that the show will draw the required viewership to make the money worth spent.

Back in 2017, when it was reported that Amazon had bought the rights to “The Lord of the Rings” — winning a bidding war against Netflix — the number reported with that sale was $250 million. That number alone made it the most expensive television series ever, but later, The Hollywood Reporter reported that the whole series would end up costing more than $1 billion, due to production expenses (casting, producers, visual effects, etc.). “The Lord of the Rings” film trilogy’s own Elijah Wood reacted to that particular figure during an interview, saying, “That’s crazy to me.” For context, the Peter Jackson trilogy grossed $2.92 billion worldwide. The combined budget for all three films was $281 million.

That $250 million rights deal for “The Lord of the Rings” also came with a five-season commitment for the series. A guaranteed five seasons should also guarantee at least one full story told from beginning to end, even though there’s always the possibility of more, depending on the series’ success. The deal also allowed for the potential of spin-off series, which could mean the potential for even more of Middle-earth outside just this adaptation. In November 2019, Deadline confirmed that Amazon had officially ordered a second season of the series and that it was already in the works. According to the report, the official early renewal means that there will be a shorter wait time between the first two seasons come release.

However, the series may not ever get out of the Second Age — which is, again, 3,441 years long, so it’s got a lot to work with — as, according to Tolkien scholar and “The Lord of the Rings” consultant Tom Shippey, the estate of J.R.R. Tolkien has refused to grant Amazon permission to film anything other than the Second Age, as to not alter the history of the more fleshed out Third Age. “But you can add new characters and ask a lot of questions…”

The tagline of the newly-released trailer? “Nothing is evil…in the beginning.”

When you already suspect – no, when you already KNOW – that the series is going to be a converged abomination wearing the title of the books as a skinsuit, you shouldn’t be surprised by anything the Hellmouth producers come up with.

And yet, to begin with a marketing tagline of “Nothing is evil…” is really going a bit far even for a collection of inverted anticreatives. No matter how it is subsequently modified after the ellipsis.

It’s going to be bad. It’s going to be so bad, it’s going to make THE WHEEL OF TIME and the last season of A GAME OF THRONES look good by comparision.

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Even Worse Than Expected

The Devil Mouse is putting its literally satanic agenda on public display in Lightyear.

You weren’t planning to see it anyway and you are right to avoid it.

This film is a Pedomouse spectacular. Lightyear is a product of Reimagine Tomorrow. The lesbian kiss was the least of it.

The entire film is centered around the lesbian relationship. In fact the lesbians get pregnant. So, forget about awkward questions from your seven year old about two women in love. Pedomouse wants you to have discussions about how two women can get each other knocked up. That is the family conversation Disney/Pixar is pushing with Lightyear.

Then there are the values this film is pushing like a bulldozer:

“Let’s just say that Lightyear does not deal in subtle messages. Instead, it has a mission to convince you that meritocracy is bad, masculinity and instinctual decisions are wrong, and we all need to accept each other as we are with all of our flaws rather than to see the potential in each person. It dives into those themes with the nuance of a caffeinated kid with a baseball bat swinging for a pinata.

It’s so awful, and so converged, and so likely to lose vast quantities of money, that Dark Herald actually suggests it might be a harbinger of the Devil Mouse’s exit from the movie business.

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Doctor Strange 2 Review

The Dark Herald is getting a little soft in these latter days of the Devil Mouse’s ongoing demise. If this is a recommendation with reservations, I shudder to think what it would take to get a negative review.

Strange is an idiot in this film. He knows that witchcraft is in play, and he doesn’t for a moment suspect a witch that he knows has gone bad. He tells the Scarlet Witch where the teenage Space Lesbian is; then finds out that Wanda is the one sending monsters to kill her. Oops.

Wanda attacks Kamar-Taj and kills most of the sorcerers there. It’s a good effects scene, lots of flashy lights and boom-booms. If you like high tech fidget-spinners, you’ll love it. Chavez get scared and stargates out, dragging Strange along for the ride.

There is another exposition scene. Because this is effectively a Marvel Disney + show. However, someone must have said something about “show don’t tell” in the notes. We get to see America Chavez’s origin story when she steps on a disk… In. Front. Of. The. Memory. Store.

I didn’t make that up.

Anyway, that is where we find out about how America comes from the universe of the space lesbians who don’t need any man to reproduce. Fine, whatever, there is breed of snake that does the same thing in this universe so, okay, sure. That should limit your genetic diversity but we are talking about a universe called utopia where science is whatever you need it to be to stay intersectional. And America vanished her parents when a bee landed on her.

So why is she named America and has the stars and stripes on her jeans jacket? Why does she identify as LGBTQ when in her universe being a homosexual means you are straight.

Stop asking questions like that; it’s science!

Skipping ahead because this is all stupid. We come to the famous Illuminati scene.

Well people are sitting, that means they are going to be talking. We find out that all Doctor Stranges in the cosmos go bad given enough time and the lIluminati are deciding if they are going to whack out this Strange for pre-crime. They haven’t voted on it yet but it’s probably, yes.

Before they can do that, Wanda shows up because she can Dream-Walk into the bodies of other versions of herself in other universes. She kills the illuminati in order of privilege, and it feels like the biggest fuck you imaginable to Marvel comic book fans. A lot of these are the characters and the actors playing them that the comics fans really wanted. Mister Fantastic in particular was killed in the silliest way possible for a man that is virtually indestructible. Oh, and if you weren’t tired of seeing Professor X die after two times, the MCU has got your back fam, he dies here too.

It’s good to see that the Devil Mouse has decided to double down on the wokery. Convergence has its consequences, and what’s bad for them is good for everyone else, including us.

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THE AWAKENER is out

We had a watching party to celebrate the English-language release of the movie based on the SuperPrumo/Arkhaven comic THE AWAKENER tonight. It was, in the words of one attendee, better than expected. Granted, one doesn’t have the same expectations for a Brazilian movie dubbed in English, but if the stunts and CGI were low-budget and the character development was occasionally a little clumsy, the story, the music, and the style were all really good.

It will warm the heart of anyone who ever wished that the January 6th media narrative had been based on something real. And it ends with a line worthy of the great John C. Wright himself. The last time I felt so amped at the end of a movie was after watching the one and only The Matrix movie.

Arkhaven will be releasing a pair of commemorative comics very soon, featuring custom cover art from one of our best illustrators, but in the meantime, you won’t want to miss the movie, which is available from Amazon.

A really good job by Luciano and his crew!

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Over the Target

The trailer for Scooter Downey’s new documentary for Tucker Carlson is out, and already the SJWs are frothing at the mouth over it. Owen Benjamin’s stalker at the Daily Beast has the honor of publishing the first hit piece:

The writer of Tucker Carlson’s controversial documentary series on the Jan. 6 Capitol riot previously directed films made by far-right figures, including a leading promoter of the Pizzagate conspiracy theory, a virulent anti-refugee activist, and an alt-right comic book writer whose lead superhero’s outfit resembles a Confederate flag.

Los Angeles-based filmmaker Scooter Downey will likely reach his biggest stage yet on Monday, when Fox Nation plans to air the first part of Carlson’s three-part Patriot Purge movie. A series trailer, which aired Wednesday evening on Fox News, included the false claim that the riot was a “false flag” meant to attack conservatives. The series also appeared to include a sympathetic interview with Ali Alexander, who has been subpoenaed by the Jan. 6 Select Committee for his role in organizing a pro-Trump rally in front of Congress that eventually turned violent.

Carlson’s series has already sparked backlash, with fellow Fox News mainstay Geraldo Rivera calling his colleague’s promotion of false conspiracy theories about the riot “bullshit.” But Downey’s role in the Fox production, and his past working for conspiracy theorists and hate figures, has gone thus far undiscussed.

Downey and Carlson share writing credit for the documentary series, according to a screenshot the filmmaker posted on Twitter. It’s not clear whether Downey also directed Patriot Purge, but he has retweeted messages from other right-wing figures suggesting he played a lead role in the series’ creation.

He’s Writing Tucker’s Deranged Jan. 6 Movie—After Directing a Pizzagater’s Opus, Daily Beast, 29 October 2021

Given the mind-numbingly repetitive nature of these useless little hit pieces, you’d think these poor hacks get paid bonuses for every time they can work “right”, “far-right”, or “hate” into the article.

That being said, I did the way this guy put in the hard work of attempting to discredit by citing Wikipedia. I believe the technical term for that is argumentum ad asininus. When’s the last time that actually worked on anyone, 2013?

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They Are Here to Destroy

Literally nothing is “too stupid” for SJWs. It’s amazing to me that anyone still believes that a) Fauci wants to save human lives or b) Kathleen Kennedy wants people to pay money to see the movies she makes.

A rumor was leaked by Doomcock that Indiana Jones and Phoebe Waller-Bridge would travel back in time to fight Nazis. They would meet Young Indy, who would then get freaking killed. Old Indy would vanish in a puff of Butterfly Effect. Deleting him from history completely. Phoebe would then pick up his hat and have all of Indiana Jone’s adventure in his place. And then going on to have further adventures on Disney Plus.

It sounded too stupid to be true. I had blown it off too, having forgotten the second rule of SJWs. They always double-down.

Then, a few weeks ago some British tabloids ran a story confirming most of Doomcock’s rumors.

The destruction of the beloved is the objective. It’s not the accidental or incidental consequence of stupidity, poor judgment, or incompetence. It’s the entire point of the exercise.

Amazon knows Tolkien fans will hate gay black hobbits and saintly, misunderstood orcs. Unlike Sauron, who merely wanted to rule Middle Earth, Amazon wants to destroy every last recognizable vestige of it. In the same way, Kathleen Kennedy doesn’t merely want to subvert Indiana Jones or pass his whip on to a female successor, she wants to erase him entirely.

And they understand your love as poorly as you understand their hate.

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James Bond is Gay

We just didn’t realize it until Daniel Craig protested way too much:

Daniel Craig, the current James Bond, gave a long-winded explanation that he has always frequented gay bars from the time he was young, because he likes the fact they are free of the testosterone in regular bars, where he always got into fights and brawls, plus girls go to gay bars, and so he had an ulterior motive in going there, because he is so into women. The reason for the whole exposition was, he was seen in a photo kissing another man in a gay bar. He explained that was just him and the guy joking around, they had been hanging out as bros and were having a little fun pretending to be be gay. In a gay bar.

So, Daniel Craig is secretly gay, is married to a satanist, and isn’t leaving any of “his” money to his children. Assuming, of course, that they are actually his children. If you ever wanted to know how to identify a ticket-taker, he’s a pretty good starting point.

I was on an openly gay record label in the ’90s, and no one at Wax Trax! was as obviously and conclusively gay as that “explanation” provided by Daniel Craig. It’s gayer than the Electric Six song. That’s not an explanation, that’s a self-outing.

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The End of Avoidance

I think we can safely conclude that the Chinese military is no longer being guided by the philosophy of Tao Guang Yang Hui, or “to hide one’s capabilities and bide one’s time.”

The Chinese-made historical war epic The Battle at Lake Changjin, which focuses on a major battle in the War to Resist US Aggression and Aid Korea (1950-53), will debut in Chinese theaters on Thursday. The film is expected to be China’s highest grossing film of the year.

As the most expensive film in Chinese film history with a budget of over 1.3 billion yuan ($201 million), the film was filmed through the joint effort of four Chinese heavyweight filmmakers, directors Chen Kaige (Farewell My Concubine), Lam Chiu-Yin (Operation Red Sea) and Tsui Hark (The Taking of Tiger Mountain) and executive producer Huang Jianxin (The Founding of a Republic).

As the two directors from Hong Kong, Lam and Tsui pointed out that as Chinese, they needed to understand why “we fought this war and how we won.”

“We put a lot of shots of the US military in the film because this was a battle between China and the US. The US military is not an abstract symbol, but the army of a country. After World War II, the US military was very strong, making them believe they could control the world situation. However, when the war began, they did not expect that the power of China would be so great, and that Chinese power was what they had to learn. In order to maintain the authenticity of the war, we needed to feature the US military’s response,” Tsui told the Global Times.

Subtle. As a general rule, it’s a reliably ominous sign when your potential enemy begins making propagandistic war films that feature you as the bad guy. There is a reason that for decades, every Hollywood movie has featured white Europeans, preferably with English accents, as the bad guys, to the point that they’re still trying to cram Nazis into every film 76 years after the end of National Socialism.

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Evil in plain sight

Netherflix promises to do a better job of hiding the pedo in the future:

Netflix apologized on Thursday for a movie poster it released depicting several pre-teen girls in sexually suggestive poses, claiming the promotion was not “representative” of the film.

The movie streaming movie platform received significant backlash on social mediaTuesday and Wednesday – after copies of the poster circulated. In it, four young girls are shown in crop tops and boy shorts. One girl is bending over, while another is squatting with her legs spread.

In a statement, Netflix said it was “deeply sorry” for the “inappropriate artwork” it used to promote the movie, a French film that premiered at the Sundance Film Festival. “It was not OK, nor was it representative of this French film,” Netflix said. “We’ve now updated the pictures and description.”

The company, on its streaming service, originally described the film as one in which the protagonist, 11-year-old Amy, “becomes fascinated with a twerking dance crew.”

Twerking is a form of highly sexualized dancing originally popularized in the 1980s.

In the revised description, Netflix states that Amy in the film “starts to rebel against her conservative family’s traditions when she becomes fascinated with a free-spirited dance crew.”

Oh, great, so the pictures and the description have been updated. That changes everything! Carry on, gentlemen….

Meanwhile, over at the Hellmouth, Devil Mouse executives expressed their fiendish amusement at the clumsiness of the new guys. “You don’t rub all that overt pedo-propaganda right in their faces,” said Maury Baalstein, Executive Vice-President of Surreptitious Sexuality. “The whole point is to slide it all right past the parents, so they don’t even realize what you’re doing or how you’re warping their children’s minds.”

“Look at Monsters Inc,” added David Belphegorian, Senior Assistant Executive Vice-President of Rituals and Programming. “Pixar put out a whole freaking movie series about abusing children and everyone thinks it’s just a cute, furry inversion of the monster-under-the-bed theme. That’s not going to fly if you show the little kids being felt up by creepy adults or chained upside-down in a pentagram being sacrificed to Our Infernal Master right on the movie poster!”

“For example, parents all think “prom” in Prom Queen means the high school prom, right? Wrong! See, it’s actually an anagram for Perennial Ritual Offering Maiden,” Belphegorian explained, before beginning to twitch, drool, and express his excitement in a wildly inappropriate manner at the idea of an annual virgin sacrifice at the local public school. “I can tell you we’ve never been faster to approve a pitch!”

If you’re subscribed to Netherflix or the Devil Mouse, you really need to stop and think about what side you’re actually on.

Could be legit

Or it could be the Hellmouth’s attempt to control the narrative, either way, it is a good sign that more and more people are beginning to recognize the youth-devouring evil emanating from Hollywood:

While fame and fortune are an ever-enticing dream, few things seem less appealing than being a child star, and HBO’s Showbiz Kids certainly reinforces that feeling. Awash in anecdotes about the ways in which the industry—and the attendant hunger for the spotlight that consumes both children and parents—warps, alienates and exploits kids, it’s a documentary which illustrates that, sometimes, being nobody is far healthier, and more fulfilling, than being well-known.

Sexual misconduct is the dark cloud hovering over Showbiz Kids, and it comes to the fore when former Diff’rent Strokes star Todd Bridges recalls being molested as a child—a disclosure that, according to Evan Rachel Wood, isn’t unique, as she claims, “In my experience, I know a lot of kids that grew up in the industry. And what surprised me when I got older was finding out that pretty much all of the young men were abused in some way, sexually.” She then relays that, at a recent Golden Globes gala, she watched a pedophile (whom she doesn’t name) win an award, and had to walk out because she was so disgusted by the praise being lavished upon this monster. As she departed, she thought to herself, “I don’t know if I can do this anymore. I can’t keep watching this happen. I don’t know how to handle this. This has to stop.”

Those moments are definitely the ugliest, and most eye-opening, in Showbiz Kids. Written and directed by Alex Winter, whose big breaks came in Joel Schumacher’s 1987 Brat Pack vampire thriller The Lost Boys and 1988’s Bill & Ted’s Excellent Adventure, the film knows whereof it speaks.

I tend to expect it does, given that the late Schumacher, along with Spielberg, has been repeatedly been rumored to be among the most predatory of the Hellmouth’s more influential denizens.