Tag: Hellmouth

3 Strikes, He’s Out

In the aftermath of multiple accusations of sexual assault directed at showrunner Neil Gaiman, the Amazon show Good Omens has been effectively cancelled as its Season 3 was “paused”:

Production has been paused on the third and final season of fantasy drama Good Omens, the Neil Gaiman drama for Amazon that’s shooting in Scotland.

Deadline is hearing there are discussions about possible production changes. A spokesperson would not comment.

News about the future of Good Omen comes less than a week after Disney put a planned feature adaptation of Gaiman’s 2008 YA title The Graveyard Book on pause amid a series of sexual assault allegations against the award-winning author.

While the mainstream media’s wall of silence about the accusations is still mostly holding firm – none of the major newspapers that have regularly published puff pieces on Gaiman for years have published an investigative article – the third cancellation in series of a Gaiman-related show isn’t something that can be reasonably ignored.

And yes, in this context, “paused” likely means “cancelled”.

Didn’t want to comment on this before the official drop, but I heard this yesterday from various pals who worked on the previous series. From what those crew are saying, it’s less “paused” and more “cancelled”.

Impressive, very nice. Now do Sandman.

DISCUSS ON SG

He Jumped on the Grenade

Greater love for his fellows hath no man than the Dark Herald, who is suffering through the second season of The Rings of Power on our behalf:

It’s been two years since the first season of Amazon’s The Lord of the Rings: The Rings of Power was unleashed on a helpless and unsuspecting world. Seven hundred and thirty days has not been enough to dull the pain of the horrors it inflicted on the genre of high fantasy.

J.R.R. Tolkien was without question the greatest and most influential fantasy writer of the 20th century. Every writer that followed him had to consciously either embrace or reject Middle Earth. The Lord of the Rings was the story of a struggle of good against absolute evil. A story where the protagonist succeeds in his quest to take the One Ring to Mount Doom but ultimately fails in his mission to destroy it. He is saved by Providence and the self-destructive nature of evil.

In the 21st century, there has been a race on to turn as much of the fantasy genre as possible into a pastiche and palimpsest of Professor Tolkien’s life’s work, or perhaps a better term would be a mockery. This production is certainly the pinnacle of that school of thought. There is no ultimate good or absolute evil there are simply shades of grey and at the end of the day everyone is the same and we are all equal. No one has the right to judge anyone for anything unless they are a white male, in which case they bear the sins of all the world and must constantly perform acts of contrition from morning to sunset.

Nowhere is this school of fiction more pervasive than in Lord of the Rings: The Rings of Power.

throws back a quick shot of Four Roses

Let’s get after it.

The show starts with a recap of the first season. This is probably a sad necessity for its audience. I know that I personally had to (pauses to shudder) rewatch the entire first season because the brain cells that had been assigned to remember it had died of embarrassment. I’m not the only one, everyone who has to review this has been groaning about having to wallow through the acre of rotting of pig dump that is 2022’s Rings of Power.

Within minutes of starting this new season, you know that Amazon has outdone the last one in terms of sheer incompetence.

It’s impressive that Amazon actually managed to lower the bar. But, as we know, the real purpose of these abominations is to destroy the affection for the source material. Fortunately, the joke’s on them, because we can read old books!

Which is vastly more entertaining than thinly-disguised lectures on girl power and how orcs are people too and they just want a better life for their children, and anyone who doesn’t open the gates of Gondor to them are racists for whom there is no place in Gondorian society.

DISCUSS ON SG

Then They Came for Rohan

John Trent reports that Warner is following Amazon’s lead in purposefully destroying the value of its Tolkien IP with its forthcoming animated film.

Some new information has come our way regarding the upcoming animated film Lord of the Rings: War of the Rohirrim. There’s an alleged marketing document detailing how the company Warner Bros. is going to market this movie, and it also provides some new information regarding relationships between the characters and how it is radically different from JRR Tolkien’s original short story that you can find
in Appendix A in the back of The Return of the King.

The document that his Source gave him says this: “finding herself in an increasingly desperate situation the daughter of Helm must summon the will to lead the resistance against a deadly enemy intent on their total destruction.” It also adds this: “This all-new stand-alone cinematic adventure forges the legend of Hera, the rebellious daughter of Helm Hammerhand, as she answers the call to protect her people in a battle for their survival that shapes the destiny of Middle Earth.”

Another rebellious girl-boss self-insert Mary Sue! Another violent rape-and-pillaging of a well-loved story! Will the wonders vomited out of the Hellmouth ever cease?

At this point, if you’re a Tolkien fan, it’s really time to turn to ARTS OF DARK AND LIGHT. It’s not Tolkien, nothing is, but it’s considerably closer to Tolkien than anything you’re going to get out of the Hellmouth or the converged publishing houses anymore. And, in fact, the first non-book spinoff from AODAL has been officially produced, and I will play the unofficial Kingsguard anthem on Arkhaven Nights next week. Songs from Selenoth!

In the meantime, if you haven’t picked up A THRONE OF BONES or A SEA OF SKULLS yet, they’re both on Amazon and at NDM Express now.

The Kingsguard ain’t like t’other dwarves…

DISCUSS ON SG

A Beast Exposed

It’s been a busy July for exposing big-time Clown World ticket-takers. First Mr. Tubcuddle gets outed as a creepy serial bathtub enthusiast, then Alice Munro’s reputation is demolished by her daughter, and now it looks as if another ticket-taker is going down in an even more spectacular manner.

A former employee of MrBeast came forward and released a shocking video, wherein he claims that MrBeast is “done” if the truth of the Chris Tyson (aka Ava Kris Tyson) controversy is exposed in its entirety, implying there’s far more to the story than we’ve seen so far regarding the transgender activist’s attempts to get close with underage boys.

In the video, the former employee says, “I’m outside Mr Beast’s studio right now, here’s a cornfield, I’ll explain that tomorrow. I’ve just been driving by looking to to see you know is there an FBI raid going on, what’s happening. My name is Dawson I worked at Mr Beast from February to May of this year 2024. Kris is the the tip of the iceberg and when Jake the Viking says Mr Beast knew, yeah Mr Beast knew. I Heard many times that Ava Kris Tyson is a major liability but they can’t get rid of her because she’s already threaten legal action and she knows too much. And when all this information comes out about everything that she knew, everything other people know, I promise you on everything Mr Beast is done.”

Mr. Beast being outed as a seriously predatory ticket-taker or something even worse would be about the least shocking news about the Hellmouth since we learned Rickey Martin was gay. Anonymous Conservative would have a field day analyzing that face; forget the deeply suspicious stage name, just look at those deeply traumatized eyes and that painful forced smile that doesn’t even begin to touch them. Whatever he had to do to reach the pinnacle of YouTube appears to have eaten away at him to the point that he looks more like someone sharing the story of his multiple suicide attempts in a mental health facility than a successful man at the top of his game.

DISCUSS ON SG

You Thought Disney Killed Star Wars

At this point, Devil Mouse executives are going to find themselves facing criminal charges in Florida under Title XLVI, Chapter 872, Section 6. They’re not content with destroying the canon, degrading the characters, and demolishing any modicum of competent storytelling, they’ve now Marion Zimmer Bradleed the Force itself:

This episode was comically bad. It functions as Star Wars answer to the Timeless Child in that it is a major canonical retcon. And given that this is Disney, the retcon will remain in place as part of the lore until Disney collapses and the IPs are auctioned off. Once again because: No. One. At. Disney. Can. Admit. To. Making. A. Mistake.

The episode opens on the Planet of the Space Lesbian Witches. How do I know they are witches because they explicitly state they are witches. The protagonist and antagonist are introduced as a set of young identical twins (girls naturally because there are no men at all on this idyllic world). The Space Lesbians have secret knowledge of the Force. The Force is actually, quite literally, female. The twins have two mothers, one who was their birth mother and the one that knocked her up using the Force. I should point out that the birth mother is from Darth Maul’s race but the twins look like black humans. Indicating their birth mother had no genetic input.

There is a lecture held on the womanly power of the Force. It’s not a “force” at all as that is far too masculine of a concept, it is in fact a thread that sews the cosmos together and it can be tugged upon to accomplish certain… This is all Wicca stuff, if you’ve ever become acquainted with that neopagan Marxist bullshit of a “religion” you’ll recognize the concepts pretty quickly. Space Lesbian Witches are the true and uncorrupted Force users.

There is a constant motif throughout this episode. “The power of one. The power of two. The power of many.”

The corporate cancer of convergence is considerably worse than you ever imagine it’s going to be. It’s reliably worse than you are even capable of imagining. And there is no way back from it, ever.

DISCUSS ON SG

You Get What You’ll Pay For

Now, I’ve never paid any attention to either the Kardashians or Kanye West, and wouldn’t grieve in the slightest if the entire Hellmouth vanished in a nuclear tidal wave triggered by a Russian super-torpedo. But that being said, people complaining about nepo babies being given opportunities that are denied to less-talented nonentities is an illogical appeal to a nonexistent meritocracy which never really existed and very much does not exist today.

The reason the third-generation Kardashian daughter was gifted the coveted role in The Lion King is entirely obvious:

Earlier this month, it was announced that North was cast in the live-to-film concert event which ran for two nights on May 24 and May 25. The Hollywood Bowl can notably hold up to 17,500 people and tickets for the concert began at $60.

She was given the role for one of three reasons, and it may very well be that all of them apply:

  • Her parents helped fund the event.
  • Her parents’ fame helped sell tickets for the event.
  • The event organizers are either seeking or repaying a favor done to the parents or one of the various organizations to which the parents are connected.

If you don’t like nepotism, stop supporting the parents. The individual who decries North West being handed a celebrity career on a silver platter but watches the Kardashians or listens to Kanye is literally responsible for the very thing she – and it’s usually going to be a she in this specific case – is decrying.

Furthermore, the idea that there is any meritocracy in the world of entertainment in general, or the Hellmouth in particular, is totally absurd. The Big Bear has to hold his comedy events in a barn or an aircraft hanger since he’s not allowed to perform in comedy clubs. I have to publish my own books since I’m not allowed to publish them through mainstream book publishers. We both have to stream on alternative channels and our access to marketing is limited since we’re banned from YouTube and X, among other places.

They metaphorically have to line us up 20 meters behind the starting blocks and weigh us down with weights just to be able to compete with us! How is that a “meritocracy” of any kind?

DISCUSS ON SG

Sad News for Predator Fans

If the rumors are to be believed, Tom Holland is attempting to get out of the much-anticipated next movie in the great Predator film series.

Suddenly, the foreign born superhero doesn’t want to play opposite his new co-star. He is trying to get out of his gig.

I don’t see why. She’s downright perfect for the part!

DISCUSS ON SG

May the Fourth

Owen Benjamin comments on the nerdiest fake holiday since Kwanzaa was invented.

To celebrate May the 4th we should all appreciate what a Boomer institution Star Wars is:

  • Luke forsook his rural upbringing to take part in a political campaign he had no place in.
  • Leah was a strong independent feminist.
  • Obi-Wan was a childless hippie who devoted his life to eastern mysticism.
  • Han is a wandering deadbeat who lives with his dog and is obsessed with his car.
  • Darth Vader abandoned his family to pursue his career.
  • The robots are in an openly gay relationship.
  • Everyone treats the empire like the great evil while fully enjoying the comforts and protections it provides.

In retrospect, Star Wars may have been a much darker commentary on the realities of Clown World’s politics than most of us realized at the time.

DISCUSS ON SG

Old Games are Best Games

You are not alone in your lack of interest in all the new games, as the WOWmaster himself observes:

60% of gameplay time was spend on games 6 years or older in 2023. Older TV shows dominate streaming networks as well.

This is not a coincidence, as streaming has prioritized wokeness over quality, and AAA have also prioritized profit and the narrative over fun.

This is why we fight.

Nobody wants to play the new stuff if it means being preached at and scolded while they destroy our most memorable IPs and characters.

There has always been a problem with the suits devoting all the resources to graphics while the designers fight, mostly in vain, to place the emphasis on gameplay. One need only compare the difference between the original Fantasy General, which I stil play from time to time, and its 3D successor, to understand why most of the time and money that went into “improving” the original game was not only wasted, but dowright detrimental.

Most, if not all, of the games that feature a substantive focus on gameplay are now in the independent space.

And that doesn’t even begin to get into the way in which convergence not only distracts from character, plot, and story, but downright destroys them, as the Dark Herald has chronicled repeatedly, and in great detail, on the Arkhaven blog. Mary Sue cannot be permitted to be less than strong, independent, and perfect in every way. The Magic Negro cannot be permitted to be less than saintly and beneficient. Saint Gay can never be less than charming, tolerant, and perfectly committed to the love of his gay life, whom he met approximately 5 seconds after coming out.

Convergence requires ideal caricatures, not strong characters. And the plot is always predictable, even more predictable than the pre-social justice Hellmouth plots were, because every episode has a moral that is more explicitly obvious than He-Man lecturing the kids at the end.

And so, we build our own entertainment, one meme, one short story, one RPG module, and one comics episode, at a time.

DISCUSS ON SG

Next Up for Retro-Demolition

The X-Files is being revived… in the usual converged manner:

  1. The X-Files is ‘set for reboot with original stars’:
  2. Mulder and Scully are both in.
  3. I just spoke to a young man, Ryan Coogler, who is going to remount The X-Files with a diverse cast,’ Carter said.

It’s not so much that there is going to be diversity in the show. That would merely reflect the reality in the USA circa 2024. But making a point of “a diverse cast” means that the show will prioritize the current-day Narrative over every element of good storytelling, which means the X-Files 2.0: Black Panther edition is likely to go over about as well as Amazon’s Ring’s of Power did.

Of which, I am proud to say, I have still not seen a single second, despite being an absolute and inveterate Tolkien fan.

DISCUSS ON SG