Skaggy and the Ho

From the Washington Times: President Bush’s budget next week will show the new prescription drug program costs $540 billion over 10 years, more than one-third higher than the $400 billion estimate Congress used in passing the bill in November. “That really is a shocker,” said Robert L. Bixby, executive director of the budget watchdog Concord Coalition. “It’s a huge change. If a number like this had been floating around the Capitol last fall, it never would have passed.”

I’m shocked, shocked! Anyone want to take me up on a bet that after ten years of this program, the cost will be shown to have been 1.5 trillion? Let me see if I can put this in terms that the lowest common denominator – otherwise known as Teenage and Would-be Teenage America – can understand.

Democrats are like Christina Aguilera, aka Skaguilera. They’re sluts who do it because they like to. Republicans are like Britney Spears. They’re a little prettier, but they’re whores who do it in order to sell records/win elections. The Dirty Girl Theory of politics.


Mailvox: the discovery

Jamie asks: I suppose this is as good a time as any to ask exactly how the man himself, Joseph Farah, “discovered” you for your very popular column on Mondays

Well, I was working as a waitress in a cocktail bar, when he met me. But even then I knew I’d find a much better place, either with or without him. These five years, they have been such good times. I still love him…..

Anyhow, it was more the other way around. I contacted Joseph five years ago and expressed an interest in writing a column, having written a video game review column for four years – hence Madden, obviously – and asked him if he’d be down with that. He was open to the notion, as there weren’t a lot of young, conservative writers with a publishing history, but at that time he felt two columns a week would be necessary in order for me to establish myself, and I just wasn’t prepared to do that on top of running a game company and writing game reviews.

Two years later, having dropped the game reviews and honed my writing a bit more, I called and suggested doing a technology column for WND. Joseph was up for it as an experiment, but it really wasn’t very popular and I was getting close to ending the experiment when September 11 happened. Like everyone else, I could hardly ignore it, so I wrote a column that addressed the attacks as well as my fears about the inevitable response to it, which have largely been proven correct. That column was very well-received, and Joseph and Tom agreed that I should switch to writing conventional op/ed commentary, which I’ve done ever since. I started out with the column running on Saturdays, but as the readership increased, they eventually moved it to Monday.

As far as the popularity contest goes, I tend to run third among the weekly and bi-weekly columnists. I was up to second for a while – Ann is far and away tops – but with the swing into election season, Pat Buchanan passed me up again. Which makes sense, because as a political pro and former candidate, he knows at least 10Kx what I do about the nuts and bolts of electioneering. You’ll notice, I expect, that I never indulge in electoral predictions – I simply don’t know enough. It’s all good, though, as the majority of us are on basically the same team, and I’m most grateful for the opportunity that WND has given me.


The Jewish intellectual tradition

When did it begin to consist of Michael Jackson, Michael Jackson and more Michael Jackson? I wasn’t sure if I should laugh or roll my eyes when I saw that Rabbi Boteach has contributed, yes, another column on Michael Jackson to WND for our edification. So, I did both. I guess that means one more Michael Jackson column next week, one on Britney Spears, then back to Michael Jackson. Michael Jackson. Michael Jackson. Or, perhaps I’m missing something, and Michael Jackson is actually some obscure Kabbalic means of referring to the Torah.

There are so many excellent writers out there. Why, oh dear WND editors, why?


Paging Mr. Carter

I had to add The Evangelical Outpost to the Faves when I realized that I was reading it more often than most of my other so-called favorites. If you haven’t read it already, check it out. It’s well-written and thoughtful, far more than just a random religious site. It’s also rather more respectable than this erratic little corner of the Internet; at least someone is upholding civilized standards somewhere around here.

As my executive producer in the game industry once said to me: “I’m not entirely sure that we’re on the side of civilization here.”


The Most Important Man in Sports Journalism.

The Sports Guy writes: With a little more than a minute to play, holding the ball on first down inside the 20, Brown made his first mistake: He angered the Video Game Gods. That’s right … he just sat there letting all 35 seconds of the play clock click down, so Smith couldn’t get the ball back before halftime. Somewhere Mike Martz was beaming in approval. “This is bad,” I told the cute lady behind me. “He’s angering the Video Game Gods. You can’t do this.”

While she glanced around for a security guard, I turned back to the game just in time to see Antowain running the ball up the middle, getting another first down, then… SPLACK! Fumble!!!!!!!! And the Panthers recover!

Now I’m furious. That was Troy’s fault. Everyone knows that football games have an “All right, this guy’s playing like a wuss” trigger that activates something bad to happen. It’s a distant cousin of the “No F—— Way Game,” the game when you’ve won too many games in a row during a season, and the Play Station activates that “There’s no f—— way you’re winning this game” chip.

Indeed.


You thought I was kidding

Heck, I thought I was kidding.

Mike Potemra of NRO writes: I’M HEARTENED BY CONSERVATIVES… and how they are responding to the Bush NEA announcement. Jonah says that most of the e-mail he’s getting-by something like a three-to-one margin-gives Bush a pass on this issue. This is a very important signal, because it shows a certain maturity of outlook on the part of conservatives: a dogged insistence on focusing on the Big Picture.

It’s not that they’re getting played that amuses me so. It’s the fact that they think they’re being wise and cunning for their sheeplike acceptance of it. So, that’s one of the four I predicted in jest. Maybe Bush will declare Jenna Jameson day soon, and be lauded for it by these leading conservative “intellectuals”. Or is it “conservative” intellectuals. At this point, it’s hard to say.

Conservatives are supporting George Delano increasing the NEA budget by historic levels! Conservative Republicans, is there ANYTHING that Bush can’t do to lose your support? Not even if he begins running a gay porn site from the Oval Office? Not even if he begins dressing as a woman, goes in for breast implants and insists on being addressed as Madam President? Not even if he pulls a Sinead and tears up the Constitution during his next State of the Union address? Even if he did all of these things, I’m starting to suspect that some NRO writer would argue that they were nothing more than a clever attempt to marginalize Democrats and build a strong conservative base for the future.


Mailvox: Too much fun in the Oval Office

Witrack writes: Bush is officially a bleeding heart liberal! Did you read in the news how he wants to INCREASE funding for the National Endowment for the Arts? What in the Sam hell? Karl Rove is giving Dubya seriously dumbass advice with this! Does Dubya want to alienate more of his conservative base? Has Dubya forgotten the offensive art from years past funded by the NEA? Does he realize how the right wing media pundits will hammer him for this? I guess he must have really knocked something loose when he hit his head on that table while munching that pretzel! Dubya is officially as spacey as a Spice Girl. What was your favorite Spice Girl, Vox? I’m a Ginger man, m’self.

Color me cynical, but I can’t help imagining Karl Rove and George Delano kicking back in the Oval Office with their boots on the table, snickering and chuckling about the many conservatives who have been dumb/naive/desperate/corrupt enough to repeatedly conjure up cockamamie defenses of the administration’s overtly anti-conservative actions based on the crack-smoking concept of My Republican Party, Right Or Wrong.

KR: “Mars? Can you believe Krauthammer jumped all over that one? I thought he was gonna hump your leg! ‘Mars! I ate a Mars bar once, I thought of it first!'”

GD: “Ya’ll ain’t seen nuthin’ yet. Ah say we should mess with their heads some more. They gotta be down with me, I’m com – PASH- nit, G! How’s about I marry that Sullivan guy to, I don’t know, maybe that baseball pitcher kid. We can do it raht here! That’d be the limit. Cal Thomas’ head’d explode trying to come up with a deefense for that ‘un.”

KR: “Naw, the pitcher says he ain’t queer. (looks skeptical, but shrugs.) Said so on ESPN, it must be true. Hey, I got it!”

GD: “What’s that? How’s about I declare next Monday Jenna Jameson day? I bet she’ll be honored to kick it off with an Executive lap dance! You know Fox’d love to cover that one. And O’Reilly’ll be first in line, with a fistful of twenties.”

KR: “No, no, check this out! We’ll jack up the NEA’s funding. I bet I can get at least four of the National Review gang, plus ten Townhallers, to get your back even if Danny Gioia hands over a couple hundred large to some moron takin’ a picture of a crucifix stickin’ out of his beehind.”

GD: “Only ten? Dang, I’ll take the over! What, should we double it?”

… and so our little scene closes with the two men chortling gleefully as they contemplate George Delano’s inevitable re-election, which will, no doubt, mark the triumphant return to Constitution-friendly small government for which conservatives have been pining since 1980.

Ladies and gentleman of the conservative movement, I respectfully submit that George Delano Bush is no conservative, he has never been a conservative and he told you so from the very beginning. Compassionate conservative = not a conservative. Wake up and smell the politically-pragmatic, principle-free, Mars-bound, NEA-funded red ink! I grew up reading a lot of these conservative and Republican columnists who continue to defend this administration, and as much as I admire them, I have to say that their cognitive dissonance is starting to approach levels of high parody not seen since op/edsters on the other side were defending the clown prince of politics from the devil in the blue dress.

As for favorite Spice Girls, I have been vocal in this very space about my prediliction for Posh.


Mailvox: Perfect Aryans

Mayhem writes: Please explain “Perfect Aryan Bible Study.” Sounds vaguely racist, though I’m sure there’s a good story behind it. (Forgive me–I’m new in this part of town.

If you saw a picture of the group, you would understand immediately. It’s in Minnesota, where there is a high percentage of Scandinavians, and most of those who aren’t Scandinavian are of German descent. In other words, it is mostly tall, attractive, blue-eyed and blonde. Since I am dark-eyed, dark-haired, of Anglo-Saxon descent and of average height, I make a habit of mocking them for it. But it is in jest – Space Bunny and I were the fifth couple to join it. They are the nicest people I know.

It is true that Chilliette, who started it, was famous across her college campus for her first day in freshman year multi-culti class. The professor/PC indoctrinator asked everyone to tell the class their heritage and something about it of which they were proud, and when they got to to this pretty, blue-eyed blonde, she said: “I’m 100 percent Norwegian and I’m proud because I’m pure!” But the Bible Study isn’t the least bit racist, unless Vishnal has successfully fooled them all into thinking he’s black Norwegian or something.

Sadly for the Chilliette, she soiled her bloodline by marrying a Swedegian mutt, as Big Chilly is only half Norwegian, being half Swedish on his mother’s side. Ethnicity has an entirely different meaning in Minnesota – I seriously thought Anglo-Saxon was ethnic until I went to school on the East Coast.



Mailvox: Fear of a homeschooled planet

TT writes: i’m a Christian mom who loves her kids desperately and wants the best for them. i’m not too thrilled with public school either, but….the thought of home schooling truly terrifies me. the thought of never having any kind of break from them, or having time to ‘keep myself up’, so to speak, or of having any kind of existence of my own aside from being ‘mom’ seems like more than i can bear. i’ve been waiting for my youngest to start kindergarten so i could possibly take a class, or have the time to focus on exercising more and work on regaining some of the person my husband married, rather than being the frazzled creature i’ve become since having kids. but i feel all this guilt now about it, because i guess if i was a ‘real woman’ i’d be thin, have 15 kids, homeschool them all and be a harvard graduate myself, all while shining the floors and giving my husband a blow-job at the same time! 🙂 sorry.. see? frazzled.

I’ll skip over the psychological issues hinted at by the lowercase punctuation and start off by saying that it’s good that you’re at least thinking about the right issues. The first thing to note is that homeschooling takes a lot less time than public school, which is a pretty strong indictment of the latter right there. The second thing is that it does take a fair bit of sacrifice, both in terms of time and income opportunity cost. I know too many women who homeschool and are fitness devotees to believe that it’s impossible; then again, I don’t know how they’re doing with regards to the floors and husbands either.

The main thing is a question of priority. The hands-on aspect of homeschooling takes about 90 minutes a day, less for younger children, to stay ahead of their peers. Of course, if they’re reading well at four, it’s pretty easy for them to stay comfortably ahead even on a relatively lax schedule. I can’t speak for anyone else, but for me, an excellent education is much more important than shiny floors or a second car.

i’ve noticed that everyone, so far, who has commented on the topic has been male. meaning, that they likely aren’t going to be the ones doing the “schooling.” so maybe you could comment on this, because i can’t think i’m the only one who feels this way. i mean,surely there’s some kind of workable compromise if the mother is fearing for her sanity but wants her kids to thrive. and i’d TRULY love space bunny’s thoughts as well.

I handle the reading and language, so my take is that as long as you come up with reasonable goals and a strict schedule, it’s very doable. However, I’ve basically had to cut out television – 2 NFL games weekly excepted – and significantly reduce my computer gaming in order to handle schooling and my work. Space Bunny said she doesn’t have an opinion on the frazzled thing right now, but I’ll touch base with the Chilliette and others in the Perfect Aryan Bible Study to see what they have to say.

You can’t achieve perfection in all things. I’ve been intending to clean up my office for about nine months now, rewrite a six-year old business plan for three, and write a game design concept for one. None of that’s happened, and it won’t happen today either. I’m not pleased about that, but at least the important stuff has been done. So, forget Harvard and thrice-flogged floors, though not, for the love of all that’s good and holy in the sacrament of marriage, the blow jobs.