Truth in parody

The Chick Magnet, from the Onion:

Hey, I don’t want to brag, but when you got it, you got it. And when it comes to picking up women with severe personality disorders, I’ve got it. Seems like whenever I’m in the same room with a sexy young nutcase looking for some hot dysfunctional action, we lock eyes and I gaze right into the twisted, abnormal recesses of her psyche, and then—bam! We make an instant, undeniable, and incredibly unhealthy connection….

I know what you’re thinking: “Who is this guy to sound so full of himself?” I’m not being egotistical—it’s just true. Hey, I know I’m not perfect. Who is? We’ve all got problems. I’m sure I’ve got some myself. But here’s one problem I don’t have: the ladies. When it comes to charming every borderline psycho in a skirt, I take second place to no man. I guess I just give off that “Hey there, pretty lady with the lifelong unresolved emotional issues” vibe. It can’t be taught—you either got it or you don’t. And I got it….

The sex is great, too. Believe me, all these highly unstable women have so many self-esteem issues, identity crises, and subconscious needs for approval from absent or emotionally abusive father figures, they’ll do practically anything to try to please a man, no matter how self-destructive it is. Sweet!

It is one of the great mysteries of life, and to be honest, a theoretical variance that I find somewhat difficult to fully comprehend. For in contrast to the above theme, nearly every church teaches that true love is more fulfilling and sex in a married relationship is much better than that experienced by those sad, hedonistic unfortunates philandering their way through life.

However, it seems that most of the married Christian men I know could easily pass for Woody Allen in Annie Hall, while every predator-at-large is aware that the whackjobs with mental health issues are not only more available on a regular basis, but are much more enthusiastic about the business than the average woman, religious or otherwise.

I’m not saying this is any justification for running off with the nearest bipolar yoga instructor on Prozac or anything, only that the church may be doing a real disservice to both men and women by creating false expectations through focusing primarily on the self-fulfillment aspects of marriage instead of the sacrificial ones.

Wouldn’t it be ironic if John Norman turned out to be correct and this entire Sexual Revolution turned out to not only be physically and societally damaging to women, but erotically ruinous as well? The mysterious appeal of his wildly un-PC novels to women would seem to hint that this just might be the case.