#Arkhaven INFOGALACTIC #Castalia House
Someone has to win in this week’s epic remake of Super Bowl IV, right? The question is which is the more immovable force, the Kansas City offense or the Minnesota passing offense.
With both Foster and Colston back from injury, I’ve elected to start the former and sit the latter. We’ll see how that goes.
106 Greenfield Grizzlies (2-1-0)
54 RR Redbeards (2-1-0)
72 Moundsview Meerkats (2-1-0)
51 MS Swamp Spartans (2-1-0)
52 GroverBeach Quixotes (1-2-0)
49 Bane Sidhe (1-2-0)
88 Green Reverends (1-1-1)
37 Macau Marauders (1-2-0)
83 Bailout Banksters (1-1-1)
62 Cranberry Rhyneauxs (1-2-0)
It looks as if the Redbeards used up all their roster magic against the Meerkats last week, as the Grizzly put a serious beatdown on them. As for the Piranha of the Serengeti, they managed to overcome the absence of their WR1, RB1, RB3, the severe devaluation of their WR2 (Reggie Wayne), and the disappearance of the Dream Team Philadelphia DEF thanks to the six combined TDs of the Aaron Rodgers-Jermichael Finley connection. Can you say 43 combined points? Yes, yes you can.
Of course, it’s hard to take too much pleasure in that high-performance connection when you realize that your NFL equivalent is Donovan-McNabb-Jim Kleinsasser. I’m not entirely convinced that Leslie Frazier can’t coach in The National Football League yet, but the entrails are looking rather dire. Stupid penalties and stupid players are seldom the sign of an intelligent coach, nor is an apparent inability to anticipate an opponent’s halftime adjustments. McNabb isn’t throwing interceptions or fumbling the ball, which is an improvement over The Tarvaris Jackson Experiment, but he’s also not throwing balls anywhere near his receivers. And I simply cannot understand what the Vikings offensive coordinator has against play-action passing; McNabb is still mobile enough for roll-outs to be an effective tactic when the defense is keying on AD. That’s not going to prevent him from throwing his patented worm-burners or keep the ball in-bounds on deep balls, but the occasional 12-yard out or 15-yard crossing pattern should still be viable.
It is beginning to look as if Denny Green, not Tony Dungy, is the best case scenario for Frazier. But if they can’t beat a terrible and poorly coached Kansas City team next week, even that scenario will look optimistic and one can expect the drums to begin beating in earnest.
I note in passing that Yahoo Sports appears to have granted half-credit for last week’s tie game between the Banksters and the Reverends without even asking me, the league commissioner, about it. But a team that is (1-1-1) obviously should not have a “winning percentage” of .500 when it has only won one game out of three! It should be in the same place in the standings at .333 as one that is (1-2-0). That makes me so angry! It just cheapens the whole thing and I am seriously considering resigning as league commissioner.
Nate and the WB conspired to beat me up in the first two weeks of the season. My RB1 and RB3 are both Q and RB1 may as well be O. My TE, and WR1 are both O. If the key to championships is remaining injury free, I would appear to be in trouble.
This is your weekly open NFL thread. With regards to which I am curious as to whether the Vikings will find a way to choke in the second half against the Lions or if they will simply get blown off the field by Megatron, the Ndominator, and company.
103 MS Swamp Spartans (2-0-0)
70 GroverBeach Quixotes (0-2-0)
73 RR Redbeards (2-0-0)
52 Moundsview Meerkats (1-1-0)
80 Greenfield Grizzlies (1-1-0)
62 Macau Marauders (1-1-0)
104 Cranberry Rhyneauxs (1-1-0)
69 Bane Sidhe (1-1-0)
92 Bailout Banksters (0-1-1)
92 Green Reverends (0-1-1)
Thanks to the combined efforts of Arian Foster, Mike Williams and LeGarrette Blounte, the Meerkats somehow managed to lose again to their bete rouge, the Redbeards. It was particularly bad when Williams had a TD taken off the board thanks to an illegal shift penalty, since I couldn’t even take solace in what should have been a Vikings victory.
How is it possible that the special teams coach doesn’t tell his kick returners to take a knee when it’s a three-point game and there are only six minutes left? Sure, a decent return would be helpful. But even more helpful would be NOT STARTING ON THE NINE-YARD LINE!
This is your weekly open NFL thread. After listening to Kurt Warner opine on the NFL Network, I am convinced that there is still some hope for Donovan McNabb, his proclivity for throwing at the receivers’ shins notwithstanding. I am concerned, however, that the real problem may be the offensive coordinator. Warner said that after reviewing every single passing play, he concluded that there were only three (3!) called passing plays of more than 10 yards. One game in, the 2011 Vikings offense is making Childress’s infamous Kick Ass offense look like 1998’s Three Deep.
I also thought it was interesting that part of Cam Newton’s historic performance was credited to the brief window in the lockout when coaches were permitted to contact players. Apparently, Carolina got him a playbook and Newton used the summer to get the terminology and a large percentage of the plays down. This tends to bode very well for Newton and indicates that he is no Michael Vick/Aaron Brooks who is content to skate on talent, but is rather more in the vein of a Tavaris Jackson, albeit considerably more talent.
Don’t get me wrong, Seattle fans, the Experiment will never be more than NFL backup material. But he is a good guy who works extremely hard. If Newton combines Jackson’s work ethic with Vick’s talent, he could become the first genuine elite running quarterback since Daunte Culpepper’s glory days.
74 Moundsview Meerkats (1-0-0)
62 Greenfield Grizzlies (0-1-0)
82 RR Redbeards (1-0-0)
54 GroverBeach Quixotes (0-1-0)
76 MS Swamp Spartans (1-0-0)
69 Cranberry Rhyneauxs (0-1-0)
71 Bane Sidhe (1-0-0)
68 Green Reverends (0-1-0)
57 Macau Marauders (1-0-0)
55 Bailout Banksters (0-1-0)
Not a bad start for the Meerkats, beating their archrivals in the first game despite missing Arian Foster, sitting Reggie Wayne, and watching Michael Turner and the entire ATL offense fail to show up. However, I’m not sure I like the odds of counting on Aaron Rodgers and the Eagles defense to carry the entire load all season.
Nevertheless, this is happy news for the Purple.
The Minnesota Vikings have reached agreement on a new contract with Adrian Peterson that could keep the running back in Minnesota for the rest of his career. Peterson is signing a seven-year, $100 million deal with $36 million guaranteed, a league source tells PFT’s Mike Florio. The contract means there’s a good chance that the 26-year-old Peterson will retire a Viking.
You can make the case that Chris Johnson is the best back in the NFL now. You may even be able to make the case that someone else, like Kansas City’s Charles or Houston’s Foster, is the best by the end of the season. But if you don’t love AD, the effort he gives, and his professional attitude towards his job, you simply are not a football fan. He’s been exciting to watch ever since he bobbled that first screen pass against Atlanta and still took it the distance.
In tangentially related news, I am trying to decide between starting Arian Foster and Beanie Wells. Foster is the obvious start… if he’s going to play. But will he play? The Meerkats got off to a fast, but painful start, with Aaron Rodgers throwing for 321 and 3, but losing Colston to injury.
UPDATE – Ouch. Foster is out. Manning won’t be throwing to Wayne. This is looking alarmingly like last year’s one man team.
This is, of course, your week one open NFL post.
It’s true, we do, at least those of us who can afford it. But in our defense, the most dangerous game does make for excellent blood sport. There’s nothing like tracking down a frightened, naked liberal you’ve given a twelve hour start, following the crimson trail left by her bleeding feet, then luring her from her hiding place with a soft call of “universal health care”. The look on her face through the scope is always hilarious; sometimes it’s even hard to make the kill shot because you’re shaking too hard with laughter.
Libertarians also drink expensive wine out of human skulls. In fact, that’s what inspired Byron to write “Lines Inscribed Upon A Cup Formed From A Skull”, only the real lines were quotes from Mises, Hayek, and Rothbard.
The VPFL Draft begins in about 5 hours and fifteen minutes. Everyone has their keepers in, which are as follows:
Reverends – none, none, none
Meerkats – Arian Foster, Aaron Rodgers, Michael Turner
Banksters – Jamaal Charles, Larry Fitzgerald, Roddy White
Marauders – Philip Rivers, none, none
Redbeards – Chris Johnson, Tom Brady, none
Quixotes – Rashard Mendenhall, Vincent Jackson, none
Rhyneaux – Ray Rice, Drew Brees, Peyton Hillis
Grizzlies – LeSean McCoy, Greg Jennings, Dwayne Bowe
Sidhe – Adrian Peterson, Calvin Johnson
Swamp Spartans – Andre Johnson, MJD, Tony Romo
This is the draft order for the first round and all subsequent odd rounds. The order is reversed for even rounds, in which the Swamp Spartans pick first and the Reverends last.
UPDATE – That’s right, I went there. I drafted THE TARVARIS JACKSON EXPERIMENT to back up Aaron Rodgers. Because THIS IS HIS YEAR!
I wish I’d done a little more research before picking Crabtree over Edwards, though.
HUTSONDC: Bane Sidhe 10-4-0
BISCH: Valders Quixotes 9-5-0
STILICHO: Blackmouth Banksters 7-7-0
ATOWN: Meigs Marauders 5-9-0
ZEK: Judean Rhyneauxs 7-7-0
TOZ: Winston Reverends 4-10-0
Send me an email so that I can send you an invite to the league along with your roster from last year. I must receive it by 12 NOON FRIDAY or your place will be given away. The draft is SATURDAY AUGUST 27. You can keep up to three of your players on the roster, but you don’t have to keep any. You must send me your keepers by midnight Friday.
I recommend that you only change the first part of the team name for continuity reasons, except the Bane team should retain Bane for obvious reasons.