Tag: freakshow

The Twilight of the Damned

I am entirely confident that had vampire porn been around in the first century, Twilight bed sheets would have been included along with adultery as legitimate Biblical grounds for divorce.

I am an enthusiastic fan of the Twilight Saga and have recently purchased an Edward Cullen pillowcase and blanket. Here is the problem – I am married and my husband has taken great offense to having these items on our “marital bed”! I have argued that he is a fictional character and that these are just objects…and if he wanted to put Pam Anderson on a pillowcase he could gladly do so. He thinks I am not in touch with reality (which I find offensive) and am not being a considerate wife. I want to make my husband happy but does that mean that I have to compromise my happiness in order to achieve this?

Attention deltas and gammas. Remember this email the next time you find yourself tempted to take anything a woman says seriously or to place her on a pedestal. This is not a joke, it is an actual example of the way that a living, breathing, adult married woman thinks. Now, steel yourself and try to imagine what must be going through the head of the average woman who doesn’t regard herself as being sufficiently grown-up for marriage!

The mind reels.

There is so much wrong here that it might seem hard to know where to start, but in fact it is entirely clear. The bedsheets go and the wife can either decide to grow up or she can go too. Her immature, self-centered lack of respect for her husband is total and it is hilarious how she “finds offensive” his statement of the completely freaking obvious given her equation of happiness with teenybopper bedsheets.

The advice given by the fat little complacent gamma was totally predictable of course. As soon as I saw his picture, I knew his advice would be to ignore the fact that the wife is a complete lunatic and tell the husband to let her have her way. After all, doing exactly what a woman tells you to do is the way that you may occasionally be permitted to have sex with her, right? This is the point at which the observer is forced to note that as many as four of the advice columnist’s seven children might actually be his.

Sure enough: I’ve read those Twilight books, they are pretty romantic. So let your wife enjoy her dreamy fantasy of fangs and foreplay and she may just turn out to be the most considerate wife you could imagine – nudge, nudge, wink, wink.

Did I call that one or what? Romance novels and romance TV are nothing more or less than female porn. Most women will furiously deny it, but their very vehemence underlines the reality. Women get the same buzz off romance porn that men get from Victoria’s Nasty Secret Vol. 37 and the fact that the female variant happens to be more acceptable in public in the West is no more meaningful than the fact that tentacle monsters penetrating spread-eagled teen girls in tattered school uniforms is equally acceptable in public elsewhere. I’ll never forget being puzzled by the sight of a middle-aged sarariman openly reading a comic book on the train next to me and glancing over his shoulder to see what sort of childish superhero cartoon it was. Such was my eye-opening introduction to the significant difference between shōnen and seijin manga.

The point is that while a man should tolerate a woman’s moderate porn habit, if it’s gotten to the point that she’s doing the female equivalent of bringing a Jenna Jameson blow-up doll to bed, she’s out of control and requires reining in. But this woman is so far gone that there may be no hope for her. Forget the sexual and sanity implications, I’d leave the poor freakshow solely on the basis of aesthetics.

Slapfight!

I always considered Debbie Schlussel to be an irrelevant lightweight. So, John Hawkins’s account of her descent into lunacy is moderately entertaining:

Imagine, if you will, that you’re a normal person and then one day a quasi-famous mentally ill blogger becomes fixated on you the way Gollum was fixated on the Ring. Even though she hasn’t been setting the world on fire lately, she has been on TV, on the Howard Stern show and she’s written for the New York Post, The Wall Street Journal, & The Washington Times. Most people in the know realize she’s off her rocker, but how many people are in the know? How many fans does she have who don’t realize what she’s really like?

In fairness to Ms Schlussel, building a career on spotting anti-semitic bogeymen, both real and imaginary, has been a reasonably viable media strategy for the last thirty years. National Review alone appears to have a quota of at least 20 Corner blogs and 5 articles on the subject per month. But as the OC likes to say of the SFWA, blogger battles are bitter only because the stakes are so small.

I am agog

Frankly, I’d have been less shocked if a picture of Nate wearing leather chaps commando in the Folsom Street parade appeared in the San Francisco Chronicle.

A while ago on Facebook, regular reader and contributor Nathan Cherolis posed an interesting question for downtime in the NFL with the World Cup approaching. It went something like this: If you could take one guy from each AFC South roster to train intensively for one year to be a World Cup goalkeeper, who would it be?

Welcome to the Euro side, Nate. We’ll have you drinking Blue Hawaiians in no time.

Mailvox: Underzog!

A self-styled hero of Zionism writes WND in response to my solution for the Middle East conflict:

Why does a newspaper that boasts a rational policy on the Middle East still keep those anti-Semites, Pat Buchanan and his mini me, Vox Day?

Get rid of them – or if you’re not going to get rid of these Nazis, then at least, have a special designation for them. WorldNetDaily has in its commentary a section called “out of left field.” I suggest a compromise for Pat Buchanan and Vox Day. Maybe you can have a section called “from the brown corner” as WND has “out of left field.”

Placing the editorials of Pat Buchanan and Vox Day in something called “from the brown corner” still keeps the anti-Semites on WND but makes it clear that they are brown in political leanings; i.e., the color of the Nazi storm troopers (brown battalions). It’s a good idea, no?

He also wrote directly to me:

You’re jest sooooooooo funny in your anti-Semitic taunts. We obviously have a young Pat Buchanan waiting to pick up the Jew hating torch when that draft dodging Nazi passes away. But, I have an idea, too. The Catholic church has a lot of pederasty and the Libertarians, of which you proudly call yourself, are the party of child molestation; therefore, if the Jews should leave Israel because of the evil of others, the children in the Catholic Church and of Libertarain party members should wear reverse chastity belts to cover their backside so that those Christians and Libertarians cannot sodomize them. If Jews are to vacate Israel because of the whining evil of others, it certainly makes more sense, at least, for a particular denomination of Christians and Libertarians to spare their male children the evils of pederasty comitted by them by giving those children reverse chastitty belts to protect them from the child molestation of the Libertarians and the Catholic priests. Such an action certainly makes more moral sense than destroying Israel because some Muslim/Arab savages murder and whine about Israel.

If not all Christian denominations support child molestation as the Catholic denomination does, you Libertarians certainly do support the child molesters: http://www.fortfreedom.org/b29.htm . I give the URL here, but that is superflous as you already know this about your fellow Libertarians.

Remember to get some bright Libertarians to design a reverse chastity belt to protect male kids from the perils of sodomy from Libertarains as they are the party of child molestation.

Ha ha ha…. Tee hee hee, nyuck nyuck nyuck; etc. Do you think you’re funny? Well, I can be funny, too, as in this letter. Are you amused my Jew baiting friend?

Frankly, yes.

Obama and the Gay Old Party

It would appear that Larry Craig is far from the only closeted Republican lawmaker. And if these reports have any substance to them, the Obama White House is about as straight as a male chorus line on Broadway:

Last month, Blagojevich’s trial judge, U.S. District Court judge James Zagel, a crony of former Illinois Republican Governor Jim Thompson, ruled that all 500 hours of phone calls intercepted and taped by Fitzgerald could not be played during Blagojevich’s trial as demanded by Blagojevich and his defense lawyers. Blagojevich demanded that Fitzgerald “show up in court and explain to everybody . . . why you don’t want those tapes that you made played in court.”

WMR has learned that the tapes may contain salty references Obama’s and Emanuel’s private lives…. Blagojevich’s trial is scheduled to begin on June 3 and Fitzgerald’s main interest is to keep the trial focused on Blagojevich, especially after he managed to “flip” Blagojevich’s former chief of staff John Harris to testify against the impeached and ousted governor. WMR learned from informed sources that one lawyer on Harris’s defense team is involved in a gay partner scandal that was discovered by the attorney’s wife.

Some of the wiretaps may reveal that it was not Valerie Jarrett, Obama’s longtime friend and current White House policy adviser who was Obama’s top candidate to fill his U.S. Senate seat, but the young 32-year old “pick up basketball” friend of Obama, Giannoulias, then serving his second year as state Treasurer. However, Obama has avoided campaigning for Giannoulias in Illinois and there are indications that the president has “thrown Giannoulias under the bus,” according to some Democratic political circles in Chicago.

Mutiple Chicago sources report that Republicans who see Giannoulias’s Obama connections as providing an edge in his Senate race this year should not celebrate prematurely. Giannoulias’s GOP opponent, U.S. Representative Mark Kirk, a Naval Reserve intelligence officer, has also been identified as a closeted gay man. Kirk divorced his wife last year after an eight-year marriage. They had no children.

In addition, U.S. Representative Aaron Shock, who took over the House seat vacated by Obama’s Republican Transportation Secretary Ray LaHood, is, according to Chicago Boy’s Town sources, a habitué of Minibar, a noted gay bar in Chicago’s gay district. For an extremely young first term member of the House, observers were surprised when GOP Minority Whip Eric Cantor of Virginia named Shock as a Deputy Minority Whip.

As insane as it all sounds, there are three factors that suggest it might not be entirely fiction. First, where are Obama’s old girlfriends? Unlike every other president, they just don’t seem to exist and there’s hardly a woman alive who once had an even remotely notable lover that isn’t eager to let the world know that they were once an item. If a woman has ever dated a musician or an athlete, she’ll be sure to let you know about it… and there is no way that a woman who was involved with a president, let alone this particular president, would keep her mouth shut.

Second, the decision of the Blagojevich judge to prevent the defense from putting the recordings made by the prosecutor on the public record is deeply suspicious. If Blagojevich walks away with nothing more than a hand slap, it will be obvious that whatever he knows is too explosive to permit it to reach the public. And third, the invitation to Sen. Bill Frist’s Brokeback-style event is precisely the sort of idiotic “hidden” message that gay artists always love to try to sneak past the straights. Of course, it could have been nothing more than an immature gay staffer’s handiwork; I once pointed out to Spacebunny no less than seven penises, including one ejaculating, on an airline’s kiddy lunch package and I tend to doubt it said anything about the CEO’s recreational pursuits.

As Instapundit likes to dryly declare, “the country is in the very best of hands.” And there is no question that Republican commentators are scenting more than a little blood in the water these days, as the American Spectator’s Peter Ferrara is now thinking that Obama won’t even serve out his full term:

Months ago, I predicted in this column that President Obama would so discredit himself in office that he wouldn’t even be on the ballot in 2012, let alone have a prayer of being reelected. Like President Johnson in 1968, who had won a much bigger victory four years previously than Obama did in 2008, President Obama will be so politically defunct by 2012 that he won’t even try to run for reelection. I am now ready to predict that President Obama will not even make it that far. I predict that he will resign in discredited disgrace before the fall of 2012.

I think the possibility of a resignation is less remote than one would normally assume due to Obama’s personality. Like Sarah Palin, Obama is a narcissistic lightweight who craved the position, not the power. He’s already “made history”, he’s clearly not enjoying himself, and he has no sense of duty, so it’s basically all downhill from here for him at this point. So, if some sort of face-saving exit is offered to him, I wouldn’t be surprised to see him take it.

Look out, ladies!

Al Gore is on the prowl!

Al and Tipper Gore, whose playful romance enlivened Washington and the campaign trail for a quarter century, have decided to separate after 40 years of marriage, the couple told friends Tuesday. In an “Email from Al and Tipper Gore,” the couple said: “We are announcing today that after a great deal of thought and discussion, we have decided to separate.

Between Tipper’s campaign against rock music and Al’s global warming scam, I don’t think there has been a more awful political couple since the Perons. But let’s face it, their relationship was never the same after Naomi Wolf started dressing him.

Who said women killed science fiction?

WisCon: a report from the very large, reinforced trenches:

Thinking Ahead: Feminists thinking about possible near and middle futures and feminist responses to them

WisCon description: What challenges and opportunities will feminists face in the coming decades? Feminism has always looked to the future. But are feminists now in danger of falling behind the curve? Isn’t it time to use our SFnal skills to feminist advantage?

Panelists:

* Moondancer – A white woman who is Native American because she wears a cowboy hat and has wolves all over her shirt. And because she calls herself Moondancer.
* Xakara (no last name) – Saucy black woman who writes multicultural, bi-poly-transamorous science fiction.
* (Three other people…)

This panel seemed innocent enough. Future feminism. I can do this. Seems like a sane crowd.

Moondancer starts going on about how your womb space has power, and that men are threatened by your womb power. Women exude energy during their moontime.

Feminism is making progress, because Moondancer’s son is a little pussy who gets beaten up by his sister and takes it.

Then, out of nowhere, a broad-shouldered woman with an Adam’s apple shouts out, “How can we say we are moving forward when Hillary just gets consistently struck down!”

The crowd gasps. This is what I came for!

“She opened her mouth and said things she shouldn’t have said!”

“A president can’t be nice! She can only go so far because women have to be nice!”

“Systematic, intentional vilification of Hillary as a nagging woman is because of socialization of men!”

“Every strong woman is a lesbian!”

“My magi-shapeshifter race is council-governed by all women!”

After reading this, I feel inspired to run against John Scalzi for SFWA President next year. My platform is going to involve disenfranchising all of the female members and endorsing a Federal law banning women from writing any science fiction or fantasy that does not contain vampires or wereseals and comes with a warning label: WARNING: this is Vampire/Wereseal fiction, not actual science fiction or fantasy.

This is my email

Big Chilly: Read the product description. This is a real book available on Amazon.

How You Can Be An Asset
Ralph Johnson
Price: $7.99
Product Description
At Blankety Blank Publishing all of our books are blank, that’s right, each and every epic volume is blank. We don’t waste our time on content, just titles! As you read the titles say to yourself, hey, I get it! The books are empty, the title plus the blank pages equal a joke!

The White Buffalo: 7.99 seems like a good deal for such an impactful title.

Big Chilly: I clicked on the link to say that I’d like to read it on the Kindle.

A profession of whack jobs

I would turn to retarded crack whores for wisdom and advice on how to live my life before I’d spend five seconds listening to a therapist. Dr. Helen explains why:

Kottler touches often on the narcissism of therapists in the book and has a section on the topic. He talks about his own struggle with self-worth and measures his own success by looking at all the good he has done, the people he has helped. He discusses how therapists often feel they are frauds. The author talks about his deep need to influence others, and he mentions a treatise on narcissism that describes it as such:

“A lack of feeling, the need to project an image, the desire to help others in order to exercise power, and arrogance are all familiar symptoms.”

He then states that he has long felt he holds super powers:

“After all, it seems at times (to others, if not to myself) that I can read minds, predict the future, and hear, see, feel, and sense things beyond the powers of mere mortal beings.”

In the author’s defense, he does struggle with this and acknowledge it can be a problem. I have talked to therapists who feel they are superhuman yet see it as an asset.

I’m sure it would be an asset to be superhuman… if it weren’t an obvious sign that you are insane. But there is a solution. As soon as a psychological therapist completes his training, lock him up for life in the lunatic asylum. Tell half of them they’re doctors, tell the other half they’re patients. The narcissistic whack jobs can keep each other occupied without harming anyone and the mental health of the rest of the world will improve significantly.

Dr. Helen asks a cogent question at the end: “Could it be that many liberals, like narcissistic therapists, are so insistent that others go along with them because they fear being obscure and crave feeling powerful more than they care about whether their solutions actually work?”

Yes. Absolutely. Which reminds me… I’ve been reading Jack Kerouac’s On the Road and found it to be little more than the travel diary of a useless, moronic narcissist and closet-case gamma who errantly believes he is poetic due to his habit of utilizing inappropriate superlatives. If Kerouac had been born in 1969 instead of dying then, he wouldn’t have written an astonishingly tedious “this one time, on a road trip” stream of semi-consciousness, he’d be a licensed therapist.

The New York Times pronounced the most damning verdict on Kerouac’s generation when it described his novel as “the most beautifully executed, the clearest and most important utterance” of that generation. Truman Capote had it right. “That’s not writing, that’s typing.” But On the Road is a remarkable achievement in one way, as I now find Rand al’Thor to be only the second most-irritating fictional protagonist in literary history.

Curiouser and curiouser

The Son of Kenya sneaks out and loses the press corps to attend what appears to have been a nonexistent soccer game:

The first Google map shows the path between the White House and the location of the soccer game President Obama said he was going to watch. Distance between the White House and 40th & Chesapeake is 5 miles, or 13 minutes apart. The second Google map shows the path between the White House and the Kenyan Embassy (2249 R Street NW), a distance of 1.5 miles, or 7 minutes apart.

Why does this matter?

On 4/12/10, Jefferson’s Rebels picked up on the story that had recently been circulating the net [courtesy of WorldNetDaily – VD]. We reported on a bizarre comment made by Kenya’s Minister of Lands. James Orengo plainly said on the floor of Kenya’s National Assembly: “If America was living in a situation where they feared ethnicity and did not see itself as a multiparty state or nation, how could a young man born here in Kenya, who is not even a native American, become the President of America?”

There is only one rational explanation. Obama, with his spectacular intelligence, was the only one at the White House capable of realizing that Michael Steele had cunningly planted “James Orengo” in the Kenyan ministry and needed to personally explain the dastardly Republican plot to delegitimize his hold on the Cherry Blossom Throne to the Kenyan ambassador.