Vox Popoli

Imagine, if you can, that The Lord of the Rings were written by Helen Fielding, and Ms Fielding was a very, very gay man.

Went all the way to the Gap of Rohan only to find there is no Gap in Rohan. Not even a Banana Republic. False advertising! – Arwen Undomiel

Everything going from bad to worse. Stop-off in Bree resulted in pick-up of disaffected and unshaven human who is obviously pervy hobbit-fancier, not that anyone listens to me. Insisted we all share bed in his room instead of going back to own perfectly nice quarters, then hung about all night most likely hoping for mad hobbit foursome under the sheets. Didn’t happen, but did have to spend all night hanging on to Pippin’s belt to prevent him from climbing right over Sam and onto Frodo. Does Pippin have death wish, or what? – Meriadoc Brandybuck

Have crossed orcs with goblin men in caverns below Isengard. V. tedious experience as orcs and goblin men most reluctant to breed, even with dinner and flowers. Next time will try something easier, such as breeding goblins and cheerleaders to create super-perky army that can travel by day and will not complain about pink uniforms. – Saruman

I rather like that Deion has returned to the NFL. He has nothing to prove, having earned his Super Bowl rings and established himself as one of the greatest cornerbacks of all time. But seeing the picture of him standing and laughing with Ray Lewis makes me think that this is a guy who doesn’t really care if he’s a nickel back or a starter, doesn’t really care if he earns a dime this year, that more than anything it’s just a case of a guy who loves the game and the camaraderie and wants to experience it one more time before he has to hang it up for good.

Or maybe I’m projecting. I spend most of my soccer days coaching now, but I can’t tell you how good it feels when I get a call from one of my friends, telling me that there’s a game in two weeks and they could use a wing who can get up and down the right side. I treasure every moment when I’m on that field, because I know there won’t be many more times that I’ll be playing at that level.

Deion’s comeback isn’t like the ill-fated returns of Michael Jordan (the last one) or Magic Johnson. It isn’t like the ugly, embarrassing refusals to gracefully step aside when the moment is right, as was the case with Johnny Unitas and Emmitt Smith. Deion is a unique talent, but for all his theatrics, he’s always been a team player on the field, willing to subordinate his massive ego for the good of the team. I think it’s interesting that despite how many people loathed from the start, I’ve never heard any of his teammates say a bad word about him.

Okay, perhaps Andre Rison, but then, when has Andre Rison had a good word to say about anyone?

When George Bush spoke of dark ideologies, thoughts of Microsoft crept insensibly to mind. What’s interesting is that the evil empire appears to be permitting its dominance to erode. Consider the following statistics from one webmaster’s site, where it looks as if the most of the migration from IE5 is going to Mozilla and Opera.

Even more interesting, perhaps, is the 25 percent growth in Linux usage in the past year. Sure, at 3 percent it’s still trivial, but that’s already surpassed Apple’s 2.5 percent. Once it passes 5 percent and begins to command the attention of the mainstream and the software developers, we could see some more serious migration towards it. Let’s hope so, anyhow.

As all but the most determinedly foolish have given up trying to argue invasion or a crippled war effort, we’ve finally reached the semantical view of hindsight defense. This is really an attempt to surrender while hanging onto some shred of self-regard at the price of dignity, and so I mock it accordingly. Since someone was hung up on the production curves as opposed to the wartime totals, I’ll simply provide the details for 1942.

Ship production 1942

USA: 6,252,300 tons

JAP: 514,100 tons

This means that even if the IJN chose to risk its entire Navy and been successful in destroying fifty percent of the production facilities on the West Coast, they would have only decreased the Japanese production disadvantage from 12.2 to 1 to 10.1 to one. Furthermore, the US more than doubled its ship production to 15,153,000 in 1943, further increasing its advantage to 15.2 to 1. But what about aircraft?

Aircraft production 1942

USA: 47,800 planes

JAP: 8,900 planes

Oh, but even if our ships weren’t needed in the Atlantic since the Kriegsmarine built almost no surface vessels after 1940, most of our planes were desperately needed over there, right? Again, no.

Aircraft production 1942

GBR: 23,600

SOV: 26,000

GER: 14,200

None of this should be any surprise to anyone who understands the first thing about GDP and industrial capacity. The advantages in population and GDP per capita were such that a reasonable modern analogy would be the USA and Argentina. The fact that the obvious implications of these advantages may be beyond you does not mean that it is appropriate to assume that they were beyond the President and his military advisors.

1938 Population and GDP per capita:

USA: 130 million, 6,154

JAP: 77 million, 2,195

I note, finally, that still no one has a) explained how this theoretical invasion might have taken place, b) explained how any amount of sabotage or production facility destruction would have slowed, much less crippled, the war effort, c) cited evidence that the Japanese had any plans, even contingency plans, for attacking the US mainland. I do not wish to hear any more bizarre and hazy arguments based on dead novelists and 1970s sci-fi television shows; if you have something specific and relevant, then please post it for consideration. Otherwise, please keep it to yourself. You have been warned.

From Debka:

Two security-related incidents Saturday temporarily shut several Los Angeles international airport terminals and prevented planes taking off. Roads to and from airport blocked. No details given out. Rumor of small bomb that exploded in a terminal and injured 7 passengers not officially confirmed.

Remember, a similar diversionary tactic was employed to help the two Chechen terrorists board the two Russian planes that were bombed. I wouldn’t be surprised if we learn that there was a plan to go after some airliners at LAX, although if there was an attempt and it was stopped, we may never hear another word about this incident.

Debka also had some interesting, if somber analysis about the fragmentation of al-Qaeda, and how this may lead to a more dangerous situation.

In “Al Qaeda Today, Centralized Strategic Decisions, Decentralized Operations”, examination of the terrorist network’s operational deployment revealed that its supreme leadership was losing direct control over target selection or the modalities of attacks decided by local branches, beyond general directives. The brutal school siege in Beslan, North Osettia, this week, was on example of a regional operation run by semi-autonomous regional or local affiliates over which the overall leadership has little control.

The school siege was masterminded by the Saudi wing of al Qaeda in Chechnya. Al Qaeda cells based in Iran are prone to manipulation by Tehran for political and military ends that are foreign to the movement’s objectives. Al Qaeda is also found in league with Iran and the Lebanese Hizballah in attempting to grab footholds in South Lebanon and Gaza Strip….

The first cracks are marring the once rock-smooth relations of unity and obedience binding the fundamentalist terror network’s various operational branches to the directives handed down by the top leaders.

This fragmentation of al Qaeda into ungovernable entities allied with outside forces, embedded in civilian populations and targeting other civilians, seriously hampers the efforts of counter-terror force to catch – let alone prevail over – all its widely-diffused fighting elements – certainly not by conventional military means.

Isn’t it interesting, how individuals from those two strategic centers I mentioned in the column on Clausewitz two months ago keep popping up. Iran and Saudi Arabia. Another lesson from the Russian school horror that the West should have learned from the seventies terror strikes is that capturing and holding terrorists is always a mistake. Many of the most brutal attacks are made in order to free previously captured terrorists.

As silence begins to fall upon the delusional invasion argument, the production/sabotage case raises its feeble head. This is even easier to dismiss. I’ll hold quite a bit of ammo in reserve, but here’s some food for thought. The numbers of tanks produced by each country:

USA 88,410

SOV 71,000

GBR 24,800

GER 22,800

JAP 3,500

ITA 3,300

Total Axis production was 16 percent of Allied production. Japanese production was 3.9 percent of US production. You may wish to keep these numbers in mind before deciding to bend over and shout “thank you, Vox, may I have another!”

I don’t have an answer. I can’t even think about this; it sickens my soul. I doubt, however, that the answers will be found in Chechnya, Iraq, or elsewhere along the Islamic periphery. Considering that the Russians have already killed 10 percent of the Chechen population, it seems unlikely that killing another 10 percent is going to help. The ultimate solution to the jihad, I suspect, will be found in immigration controls and transit laws, not military action.

It isn’t me. It certainly isn’t one of the bookend charlatans. I speak, of course, of the incredible Bill Simmons, the Sports Guy, whose fantasy football drafts I am not worthy to critique. His knowledge is unsurpassed, his skillz are legion, but the talent of which I am the most envious – aside from his pure gift for comedy which I wouldn’t know what to do with anyhow – is his ability to casually but viciously slash someone to pieces in passing, without mentioning them by name but leaving you no doubt to whom he is referring. Witness the master at work, as he lists 84 reasons that 1984 was the greatest sports season in ESPN’s 25 years.

33. Eddie Murphy’s last season on “SNL.” For my money, the most important “SNL” performer ever — Eddie saved the show and made the most money afterwards. If you disagree, you’re a racist and you hate blacks. End of story. (Sorry, this is the new way to argue points at Page 2. I’m just following instructions.)

Che magnifico! I am moved almost to tears.

Fred offers solutions:

Education: Get big cement trucks, fill them with linoleum cement mixed with potassium cyanide and maybe thumb tacks. Dump this salutary porridge into the faculty lounges of the teachers colleges, being sure that the scoundrels are still inside. Put up signs all around saying “Mutant Radioactive Cholera Site. Go Away.”

Catch all the employees of the Department of Education and paint “Deer” on them in red letters, and then tell suburban deer hunters that it’s open season. They won’t know the difference. Put a bounty on certified teachers. Personally I would not want the varmints stuffed over my fireplace, but we could make cat food from them.

Then—I know this is extreme, and people will say I’m heartless, and low down, and shameful as a truss ad–hire smart teachers. Demand work from the kids. Yes, it’s radical. The cries of the little monsters would tug at my heartstrings. Do it anyway. I’ll just suffer….

We won’t do these admirable things because (1) we don’t really care about education, (2) the education lobbies have influence in Washington, but voters don’t, and (3) minorities in a real schools system would fall even more obviously to the bottom. Disguising their shortcomings trumps teaching. Anyway, we probably don’t have enough linoleum cement.

Wars: Require that Congress declare war before we have one. Bring back the draft, exclusively for the fetid princelings of the Ivy Leagues. Give them to Marine Corps for training and, oh yes, please, let me watch. (Actually you could sell tickets to veterans to finance the program.) Strap their mothers onto the skids of deployable helicopters for two years each and feed them intravenously if need be. The ruling classes will see the uses of restraint.

I would like to publicly recant my own education program of tearing down the public schools, sowing the grounds with salt and shipping every NEA member off to Cuba, and announce my support for Fred’s program. On second thought, I don’t see why we can’t combine the two in one super-duper federal program called “Leave No Educator Unscathed”.

I rather like his military program as well.

Next week’s column isn’t on internment; I already turned it in. But I just got off the phone with an extraordinarily grand high poohbah who knows more about military necessity and national security in the fingernail of his pinkie than you, me, Michelle Malkin and all the milbloggers combined. No guessing, please, I’m not name-dropping here.

Let’s just say aliens living on Pluto are going to be picking up tiny little shards of Ms Malkin’s case and wondering what they are.