Pretty Lady has a theory:
Pretty Lady is a bit tired of hearing that women will “claw their way over a dozen nice guys to get to the jerk.” (I don’t remember where I read this, but somehow it sticks in my mind.) On some level, there is a bit of truth to this statement; the woman’s virtue of compassion, when taken to the extreme, leads to co-dependency. Thus when a swarthy, moody gentleman is lounging in a corner, exuding misogyny, cynicism, and alienated anomie, the Good Woman will immediately spring to attention, and swarm her way over to heal the devil’s wounded soul. This is unfortunate, but it is the Way We Are.
However, in my experience, it is simply not true that Nice Guys always lose out on the goodies. Pretty Lady admits that her own taste in men is terrible. She has always been the first in line to soak up abuse from a moody stranger. However, her terrible taste does not extend to her male friends. She could name you a dozen bright fellows off the top of her head, with whom she has shared many a late-night study session, bourbon and anchovy pizza, art opening or tractor pull, who are Nice Guys par excellence. Many of them were also, in college at least, pimply-faced dweebs with the sexual magnetism of a doorknob.
There is, of course, a certain irony in providing dating analysis as a self-admitted failure, especially when it involves defending one’s hitherto unsuccessful system of assigning value. The key, I think, is PL’s dismissive mention of doorknobs and their lack of sexual magnetism; in reading this, I don’t see any genuine conflict between her perspective and the cliche she is dismissing.
While there are plenty of Smarmy Twerps out there, that description simply doesn’t apply to the vast majority of good and decent men who have come up short on the sexual competition circuit. Furthermore, this analysis completely ignores the Alpha male phenomenon, which can be observed in every social circle.
Women are attracted to perceived Alpha status beyond everything else. I have been in a stadium suite full of beautiful women and rich men – including Donald Trump, who later sat right behind me – and seen those women ignore the wealthy men in favor of the ugliest man in the room, Henry Kissinger. Power and fame trump wealth, and wealth trumps looks, charm and sexual prowess.
Thus, if a man is the leader of his pack, women will be drawn to him without him even noticing. Girls in the crowd expose themselves to the lead singer, while secretaries and middle managers are hot for CEO even if he is a short, hairless toad… and especially if he is a short hairless toad with a Napoleon complex. The appeal of the bad boy is encompassed in this phenomenon, because in a woman’s eyes, he represents a potential Alpha, while she knows that the nice Beta or Gamma male will never, ever become one and therefore lacks the aforementioned sexual magnetism.
What many women fail to grasp is that a lone wolf is not necessarily an Alpha male. A true Alpha effortlessly assembles a pack no matter where he goes, he does it unconsciously and finds others acquiescing to him before he even thinks of demanding it of them. He might pass through a broody, dysfunctional stage when young, but he will never stay there for long. And Alphas recognize each other on sight, sometimes they get along, sometimes they’ll lunge for each other’s throats, but it’s always an immediate awareness.
The significant question, then, is whether sexual magnetism – of either variety – is more important than kindness, consideration, dedication and love. I don’t believe that it is, primarily because sex is only one small – albeit important – aspect of a romantic relationship’s totality. Hotness is nice, but it is not a serious basis for a long-term relationship, let alone a marriage.
By the way, another reason that women might do well to give greater consideration to Beta or Gamma males is that those men are much more tolerant of women attempting to control them. Lone wolves and Alphas will sooner kill a woman than submit to one, and the more a woman attempts to exert control over them, the worse their behavior will become. Some men are natural jerks, for others, it is learned behavior.
But nevertheless, Pretty Lady does provide a wise piece of advice for men and women alike: “It is important to understand when a woman [man] is Out Of Your League.”