Zero Ornithology

The Zero Historians are now determined to wipe out the names of more than 100 species of birds.

Dozens of birds’ names that have been ‘clouded by racism and misogyny’ have been officially reclassified to avoid glorifying slave owners and Confederate generals.

The American Ornithological Society (AOS) announced Wednesday it will alter the names of certain flying animals after a ‘highly charged and publicized’ debate surrounding the now-controversial figures whom the birds are named after.

According to AOS President Colleen Handel, the group will change the bird names that prove to be ‘exclusionary and harmful today.’

The AOS created a committee last year to discuss and determine which birds’ names needed changing. So far, more than 100 species across the Americas have been identified as needing new monikers, and the project will continue in 2024.

Among the birds who will receive a new name is the Audubon’s shearwater.

It is a bird that is found off the coast of the southeast, and was named after one of the most established bird illustrator of the 19th century, John James Audubon.

But he was also a slave owner who adamantly opposed the abolition of slavery.

John James Audubon is described by the National Audubon Society as ‘a genius, a pioneer, a fabulist, and a man whose actions reflected a dominant white view of the pursuit of scientific knowledge.

‘His contributions to ornithology, art, and culture are enormous, but he was a complex and troubling character who did despicable things even by the standards of his day.’

Needless to say, the Audubon Society is going to have to change its name too. And eventually, if Clown World survives much longer, we’re going to need new names for Caesar salad as well as the months of July and August.

It appears Castalia Library is going to have to produce a bird book now.