The former Wachowski brothers are reconsidering their storytelling.
In conjunction with Warner Bros. Studios, the Wachowskis have released a new cut of The Matrix where Neo just takes the blue pill.
The revised cut will be approximately 30 minutes long, as Neo will take the blue pill and then just go about his pretend life blissfully unaware of humanity’s enslavement in the real world. Credits will roll as Neo wakes back up in his computer-generated existence and lives happily ever after.
“The red pill has been co-opted by the alt-right, and we just needed to set the record straight,” said Lilly Wachowski. “Now Neo will no longer take the problematic red pill and will instead support the status quo and not cause any problems. It’s much safer this way. Just think about how much happier Neo will be.”
I feel so much safer already. In other Wachowski news, Speed Racer will no longer speed, but will abide by the posted speed limits at all time. And he will wear a seat belt and drive a hybrid.
Also, the former Lana Wachowski now identifies as a prong-horned antelope.