The Christmas complainers

The wisdom of the Vixen:

Every year, to kick off the holiday season, Oprah Winfrey unveils her favorite things in barely watchable, screamfest show. For a right-wing twist on the topic, GOP Vixen unveils Bridget’s Favorite Things, a collection of cool items presented without the audience freebies and the hyperventilating. Because I believe that we have a responsibility to share our talents with the world — and one of mine is shopping!

Since this blog has a lot of male readers, I initially considered compiling a list of cool gifts that women really like: cashmere, fragrance, lingerie, etc. But I realized that effort would be useless if a man is dating or married to a Complainer. The Complainer responds poorly to nearly any gift: “Cashmere makes me itch.” “Chanel No. 5 makes me sneeze.” “You want me to wear what from Victoria’s Secret?” No man can win gift-shopping for a Complainer.

Here’s a little holiday advice for the Complainers: learn how smile, say thank you and then shut up. It doesn’t matter how carefully you couch your explanation of how you prefer emerald green to forest green, point out that you are not a DD, but a C, or remind the giver that pink Izods went out of style two decades ago. A gift is a gift, and remember that concept about it being better to give than receive? Telling someone why their gift is inadequate, whether you blame them for it or not, steals them of their joy in giving it to you. Smile. Say thank you. Then shut up.

I’m not saying that you have to keep the ugly striped sports coat that would be two sizes too big even if you gained ten pounds.. Go ahead and return it the very next day, by all means, but don’t let them know unless you need the receipt or something. They don’t need to know, and by the time they figure it out, they won’t care. It’s better if you can have someone else score the receipt for you, but most of the time stores will take stuff back after Christmas whether you’ve got one or not. In my family, everyone just hands over the receipts after the gift opening is over, leaving the recipients free to do whatever they want without having to worry about offending anyone.

Now, people can go too far the other way. My grandmother used to take forever to open up her presents, because she had to ooh and awe about the beautiful paper, the way it was wrapped, the lovely ribbons and so forth every single time. Then she had to remove it all without marring it, fold it and stow it safely away before getting around to seeing what it was. I remember my brother once asking my mother why we bothered buying grandmother anything, he figured that considering how much she enjoyed the unwrapping ritual, we should just give her a bunch of empty boxes and spend the money on some really nice wrapping paper.

The point is to let Christmas be a time of joy for everyone, not worries about perfectly anticipating the desires of others. Try to remember that when you receive a gift, it’s not about you, it’s about the giver.