Musings on the shallow Hell of senior quotes

From The Sports Guy’s Q&A:

Q: I am a senior in high school, and it is about time to write our Senior Quotes. I really want mine to be funny. Any suggestions?
— Christopher Burk, Bellport, N.Y.

Well, Christopher… you came to the right place. I have been kicking myself about my high school yearbook quote for years. Here’s what I actually chose:

And these children that you spit on
As they try to change their worlds
Are immune to your consultations
They’re quite aware of what they’re going through
— David Bowie

Translation: I’m an enormous dork.

And it wasn’t just me; almost everyone screws up their high school yearbook quote. It’s like a rite of passage. My buddy Jim and I were on the phone this week sifting through our yearbook … it was like a 100-page car crash. Why in God’s name did everyone take it so seriously? Quote after agonized quote from The Police, Rush, Styx, Led Zep, Pink Floyd, Boston, Journey … you would have thought we were these anguished, miserable, disaffected kids. Please. We were going to prep school!

A genuine and precocious horror of teen angst was what led me to select an uncharacteristically philosophical quote from Duran Duran. I recall considering selections from Herman Hesse and Ayn Rand, but in the end, I decided that you simply couldn’t sound too pretentious quoting a hair band. Also, there was a genuine debt to acknowledge as Duran Duran completely turned around my social life in high school.

People tell me I haven’t changed at all
But I don’t feel the same.
And I bet you’ve had that feeling too
You can’t laugh all the time.
– Duran Duran, Hold Back the Rain

Of course, if I could do it all over again, I’d do it very differently, most likely with an untranslated and borderline inappropriate line or three from Juvenal. In high school, everyone wants so desperately to be understood, primarily because they really don’t understand themselves. Once enough water has flowed under the bridge, it becomes significantly more difficult to give a damn whether anyone understands you or not, including yourself.

In fatto, sto pensando che quando sviluppero’ una scioltezza completa in italiano, magari scrivero’ solo in italiano, or forse nel’una polilingua consitente di italiano, latina, tedesco e le parole diverse che i piccolini stanno inventando. Che cos’e’ il punto di communicazione quando non fa niente? E se questo blog e’ sopratutto un diario dei pensieri, che significa se nessuni altri possono – o vogliono – capirgli?

Va bene. Non mi interesse tanto in queste domande della filosofia. Preferisco l’argumento ontologico, se quello e’ la cosa giusta. L’esiste perche l’esiste. Anch’io non devo capire.

Upon deeper reflection, however, I wish I’d gone with this.

EVERYTHING SAID SO FAR HAS THE APPEARANCE OF MERE PARADOX, AND BY WAY OF REASSURING THE TIMID WE CAN CONFIRM THAT THIS IS SO.
– Umberto Eco, Apocalypse Postponed