Always take the survey

Derb is most annoyed:

Some weeks ago I received in the mail a form from the Census Bureau, titled “The American Community Survey.” I’m supposed to fill it out, under threat of some dire penalty. I threw it away the first time, but they sent me another one with A BIG FAT WARNING.

This thing is ***TWENTY-FOUR PAGES LONG*** with HUNDREDS of boxes. Samples: What time did my wife leave home to go to work last week? Does either of my children have any of a long list of medical conditions? In the past 12 months, what was the cost of water for this house? Et cetera, et cetera, et damn stinking bloody cetera. Who the hell do these fool bureaucrats think they are, stealing my time like this? What the hell business is it of federal bureaucrats what time my wife leaves for work? Or what conditions my children might have?

I have no idea about some of these answers, e.g. cost of water. I’d have to go through my files and add up all my water bills. I’m putting down numbers at random. The hell with these nuisances. I think I’ll lie on all those impertinent questions about what race we are. If challenged I’ll say I read in the New York Times that there is no such thing as race.

I love my country, but just at this moment, I hate my filthy lousy stinking government.

I loathe this sort of thing too, but I recommend embracing the madness instead of shirking from it. Think of a survey as an opportunity, not a problem. It’s a chance to indulge your fictional writing skills, to stretch your imagination. Make GIGO work for freedom and take the opportunity to foul up their Big Brotheresque data collection every chance you get.

According to the last census I filled out, 27 lesbian Asian/Eskimo/Pacific Islanders live in my house. Big Brother demands an answer? Sure, I’ll give you an answer. Happy to oblige.