The annotated misandrist

Misandry is not a solely American phenomenon. Considering that this is a book getting big play in the UK Sun, perhaps THE ART OF BITCHSLAPPING: A Man’s Survival Guide may actually become necessary in the near future.

As most women will agree, men are strange creatures. Many are stubborn, tactless and bad mannered. Others are insecure, lazy and practically incapable of putting the toilet seat in its rightful position. In a hilarious new book 100 Rants On Why Men Are Pants author Amy Charter attempts to scratch the surface on what she considers a fairly extensive topic. Here we take a look at some of the best rants:

Men will not, by default, ask for directions. This could explain why Moses was wandering through the wilderness for 40 years.

Then make yourself useful, woman, navigate. Or you could just sit there being useless and complaining, that’s an option too. We really enjoy that.

Menstruation, mental illness, menopause, meningitis. Discomfort and illness always start with men.

I always wondered how long it would take before feminists blamed men for gender-specific physical ailments.

Single women complain that all the good men are married, while married women complain about their lousy husbands. This confirms there is no such thing as a good man.

Then why aren’t you more happy that you’re single and none of those awful men wants to ask you out?

Never ask a man to report back on what a bride was wearing at a wedding. The only answer you will get is, “a dress.”

What, like that’s wrong? It’s a lot closer than you’ll ever get to explaining which plays are reviewable and which aren’t. Heck, most women can’t even tell what teams are playing, let alone who’s winning.

Watching a man dance is like watching a rabid dog trying to escape from a small cage.

Yes, the white girl’s overbite is the ultimate groove aesthetic. I’m sure the song “Shake it Like a White Girl” is meant to be very complimentary.

A man reaches his sexual peak in life before he knows what to do with it.

Okay, but we’re not very happy about that either.

Beware: When you enter into a relationship with man, not far behind him will be his possessive, son-worshipping, death-defying mother.

Oh, and like you won’t.

A man only ever says anything intelligent when he uses a precursor, “My wife/girlfriend says…”

Hmmmm… how many women are on the Forbes list? And how many didn’t marry it or inherit it? There’s a reason no one says anything intelligent to you. Just think about it….

Men do not appear to possess sufficient intelligence to enable them to replace the toilet seat in its rightful horizontal position.

Any woman who would seriously complain about this would appear not to possess sufficient intelligence to look before she urinates. Or think before she talks.

It is rare to find a man who is remotely sensitive. The only men who are sensitive, caring and compassionate have boyfriends.

That’s because being sensitive is gay. You just discovered the transitive property? Oh, right, math is hard.

Men lie 99 per cent of the time. The only time they tell the truth is when it is the most tactless thing to do.

Very shaky ground, woman. Do you really want to know if you look fat?

Women can pay each other compliments; if a man pays another man a compliment his heterosexual friends will know he’s gay.

And women also cuddle with each other, kiss each other and cry on each other. We’re not about to do that either.

Men are unable to enjoy the art form that is gossiping. He will only be interested if you are telling him your two female best friends are making love to each other.

Only if they’re both hot, actually. And you see, that’s why we don’t compliment each other, you never know what it will lead to. Now, I know it may be hard for you to understand that I am not fascinated by your aunt’s cousin’s brother’s college roommate’s latest dating debacle, but please do keep in mind that until 30 seconds ago, I was blissfully unaware that this particular individual inhabited the planet.

There is a form of the male species which fails to understand that a women’s breasts will never be great conversationalists.

If you don’t want men to look at you, it’s not exactly hard to avoid the attention. Dial 1-800-DOMINOS. It seems to work for an awful lot of your sisters.