The funniest book in the world

This excerpt from a story below is just one of the many examples why THE LAWDOG FILES is the bestselling funny book on Amazon. I mean, have you ever seen a book with 79 of 82 reviews being 5 stars?

FILE 8: The Six-Foot Chickens

There I was, parked in the Allsup’s lot with an an extra-jumbo Dr. Pepper in one paw and a chimichanga in the other. Somewhere else in the county, a rookie officer was doing his first solo patrol. Life was good.

“SO, car 12.”

*Chomp, chomp* “Go ahead.”

“Car 12, car 20 requests backup at Wobble Creek. He’s nekkid.”

I paused, for a moment, eyeing my chimichanga suspiciously, and then keyed the mic: “Car 12, SO. Say again your last?” Please, please let me be hallucinating.

“Car 12, I’m just relaying what I was told. The kid needs help and said he was nekkid.”

I hightailed it to the location, looked frantically for the rookie’s cruiser, and spotted it parked beside a big corral. I whipped in beside the corral, leaped out, and started looking for my newbie. All I saw was a rancher leaning against the corral, chewing on a stalk of something, and staring with bemused fascination into the corral. I looked into the corral, and it was full of chickens. Six-foot-tall chickens.

“T’ain’t chickens,” grunted the rancher before I could say anything. “Emus.”

I was about to ask what an Australian bird was doing in North Texas, and then I noticed that about four of these mutant chickens were in one corner of the pen, crawling all over each other and trying to get away from a man in the center of the pen.

A man who was on his knees, arms held out in supplication to the terrified megafowl, and begging in alcohol-sodden tones, “Birdie want a Benny?”

And he was as utterly, completely, and totally bare-butt nekkid as the day he was born.

On the other side of the corral was my rookie. He was crawling frantically for the corral fence while an enraged six-foot chicken jumped up and down on his back.

It was a Prozac moment.

“Frank.” Could those calm tones belong to me? “Would you mind getting out here? Thank you. Benny, come here. Now.”

Benny turned and shuffled toward me with an air of I’ve-done-something-wrong-but-I-don’t-know-what-it-is-yet while staying well out of grabbing range.

Still wondering where this remarkable calm came from, I asked, “Benny, what are you doing in that chicken coop?”

“T’aint chickens. Emus” grunted the rancher.

Benny warbled, hiccuped, and waved his arms at me.

“You’re doing what? Committing suicide? BY CHICKEN?”

Speaking of VFM

We continue to move closer to the launch of the ALT HERO crowdfunding. We have covers and sample pages and characters in growing abundance. And while we won’t be superheroes or major characters, there will likely be a cameo or two by a certain dark lord of whom superlatives have been known to be uttered on occasion, as well as his ruthless blonde companion. Given the requirements of the storyline, I would expect a few VFM to make an appearance as well.

Grow a spine, cucky

When are conservatives going to stop clucking and cucking, wringing their hands, and lionizing noble surrender rather than wholeheartedly supporting the Right That Fights?

Over the weekend, the hashtag #CNNDirt popped up in my timeline. I clicked on it and found that a Trump operative named Jack Posobiec had come up with a very simple and cost-free method of digging up dirt on current CNN employees–punch CNN into the search function of Linked In, then sift through the personal Twitter accounts attached to CNN employees’ Linked In accounts.

It didn’t take him long to find a CNN editor who’d tweeted out rape jokes and comments about how watching the movie, Roots, made him hate white people. The editor quickly locked his account, but the tweets had, of course, been preserved with screen shots.

I’m not going to name the guy here. He’s not an on-air personality. But I would like to point out that this is a natural and predictable outcome of the war on privacy and free speech that CNN journalists began when they decided to hunt down a Reddit user and threaten to expose him simply for posting a tweet that poked fun at their organization.

Low level, behind-the-scenes CNN employees now find themselves in exactly the position in which their management and on-air people have put conservative America–one of fear, frustration and worry that anything said on social media that could be construed as offensive will be used mercilessly by partisans to damage their careers and livelihoods.

This is not the world I want to live in. When I first saw that they’d embarrassed this guy, I laughed. I thought he was an on-air personality and at least a minor political player. After I realized he was just an editor, I cringed a little. I can’t bring myself to endorse it, but neither can I condemn it. This is what they’ve done to time and time again us and they won’t stop. What alternative is there?

Reprisals are intrinsically fair and just. Reporters and editors deserve being investigated as deeply, and treated every bit as brutally, as they treat the members of the public they target. This is a cultural war, not a cultural tea party. For the record, the CNN employee mentioned was Rashard Elijah, rashard_elijah on Twitter, who demonstrated his racial sensitivity, commitment to social justice, and fine command of the English language in tweets such as these.

And, of course, we know why Jack Posobiec was targeted by the All Defamatory Lies hit list. Because he is among the most effective culture warriors in the Alt Lite.

Retraction and apology

Supreme Dark Lord‏ @voxday


Dear @JGreenblattADL,


I am an American Indian. Neither I nor my beliefs are “white supremacist”. I expect a retraction and an apology.


Vox

Now, obviously I am not so naive as to expect Mr. Greenblatt to simply do the right thing and promptly apologize for the false accusations directed at me and others. SJWs, I am given to understand, are generally accustomed to doubling down. So, I believe it is now time to summon up the long-dormant VFM from the caverns beneath the Dark Lord’s castle to, shall we say, encourage them to be virtuous and honest in their future actions, particularly those directed our way.

But before that we will need the direct contact information for these individuals, beginning with Mr. Nathan and Mr. Greenblatt. Diggers and data-miners, you know the drill. And until we receive a retraction and apology, we will continue to hammer them on their blatant and, ironically enough, defamatory lies.

On a related note, Deplorable Winning saw the humor in their little hit list:

Congratulations to the Vox Day of Best Timeline: Vox Day made the ADL print the 14 words.

Why, thank you very much indeed.

Name the defamatory Jewish organization

If so-called “Anti-Defamation League” wants to live up to its mission of stopping the defamation of the Jewish people, perhaps they should try not blatantly lying about people. I very much doubt they are making any friends here with their attack on me and several of my friends and allies.

Theodore Beale aka Vox Day is a champion of the alt right movement who claims to have popularized the term “cuckservative.” A science fiction writer, video game designer and blogger, Beale is best known in alt right circles for his online blog “Vox Popoli” (Voice of the People) where he posts misogynistic, white supremacist diatribes. Beale’s white supremacist beliefs are on full display in one of his primary talking points: “The Alt Right believes we must secure the existence of white people and a future for white children.” This is an unabashed homage to the white supremacist “14 words” mantra.

There are five lies here, at least four of them knowingly defamatory.

  • I do not post misogynistic diatribes here or anywhere. I do not hate women and it is a shameless lie to claim that I do.
  • I do not post white supremacist diatribes here or anywhere. I am not a white supremacist. I do not believe in racial supremacy of any kind.
  • My beliefs are not white supremacist. I am not a white supremacist. I do not believe in racial supremacy of any kind.
  • The belief in securing the existence of white people and a future for white children is no more “white supremacy” than stopping the defamation of the Jewish people is “Jewish supremacy”.
  • The presence of Point 14 in the 16 Points is not “an unabashed homage” to the 14 Words. It is a direct citation of them. But the position is not a “white supremacist” position, as my rejection of many of the 88 points suffices to demonstrate.
Furthermore, I am an American Indian and it is as every bit as offensive to claim that I am a “white supremacist” as it is to claim that a Jew is a ZioNazi. I will be writing to the ADL requesting a public retraction and an apology. Their treatment of me, and of others on their list, in the article entitled Naming the Hate, is, contra their mission statement, neither fair nor just.

And just in case it is not clear, I’m not a cuckservative and I’m not the least bit impressed by the dishonest rhetoric hurled indiscriminately about by a few cry-Holocaust-for-profit devil worshippers. They make it abundantly clear that they serve the Father of Lies, and they merit nothing but contempt.

Step 2: Eau de Poopy

The marketing possibilities are endless! Also, newsflash! People lie to survey-takers about politically correct issues:

A 2012 study by the Pew Research Center found that interracial marriages in the U.S. had doubled between 1980 and 2010 to about 15 percent, and just 11 percent of respondents disapproved of interracial marriage.

But new research from the University of Washington suggests that reported acceptance of interracial marriage masks deeper feelings of discomfort—even disgust—that some feel about mixed-race couples. Published online in July in the Journal of Experimental Social Psychology and co-authored by UW postdoctoral researcher Caitlin Hudac, the study found that bias against interracial couples is associated with disgust that in turn leads interracial couples to be dehumanized.

Lead author Allison Skinner, a UW postdoctoral researcher, said she undertook the study after noting a lack of in-depth research on bias toward interracial couples.

“I felt like the polls weren’t telling the whole story,” said Skinner, a researcher in the UW’s Institute for Learning & Brain Sciences.

The research involved three experiments. In the first, 152 college students were asked a series of questions about relationships, including how disgusted they felt about various configurations of interracial relationships and about their own willingness to have an interracial romance. The participants overall showed high levels of acceptance and low levels of disgust about interracial relationships, and pointed to a strong negative correlation between the two.

In the second experiment, the researchers showed 19 undergraduate students wedding and engagement photos of 200 interracial and same-race couples while recording their neural activity. The researchers asked the students to quickly indicate whether each couple should be included in a future study on relationships, a task that was intended to ensure participants were socially evaluating the couples while their neural activity was recorded.

Participants responded faster to images of same-race couples and selected them more often for inclusion in the study. More significantly, Skinner said, participants showed higher levels of activation in the insula—an area of the brain routinely implicated in the perception and experience of disgust—while viewing images of interracial couples.

“That indicates that viewing images of interracial couples evokes disgust at a neural level,” Skinner said.

As with all neuroscience studies, Skinner said, it is impossible to be certain whether the insula activation reflected a disgust response, since the insula is sometimes responsive to other emotions. But in combination with the other experiments, the authors believe it is evidence of a neural disgust response.

This part cracked me up: “Some people are still not comfortable with interracial relationships, or at least they’re a lot less comfortable than they would appear to be,” she said. “Acknowledging these biases is the first step to figuring out why people feel that way and determining what can be done so they won’t.”

What’s the point of attempting to neutralize the natural human disgust response? Why, it’s obvious!

Step 1: Fix the instinctive human reaction to interracial couples by artificially suppressing the disgust instinct.

Step 2: Launch Eau de Poopy perfume.

Step 3: Profit!

A code of conduct for BEER

Seriously, if you don’t shut down SJWs when they come for the nerds’ comics and games and open source projects, sooner or later, they will come for your beer and burgers and sports.

In April 2017, the Brewers Association (BA), a trade group that serves the craft beer industry, enacted a set of rules designed to stem the use of sexist and offensive brewery and beer names (see Brewers Association standing up to breweries, beers with offensive names, labels). But, Flying Dog Brewery sees the move by the BA as an overt attempt at censorship. And, to protest the move, Flying Dog CEO Jim Caruso has severed ties with the industry group.

In a letter dated July 14, 2017 and addressed to BA CEO Bob Pease, Caruso says that the policy, “… is an attempt by the BA to censor beer names that offend the sensibilities of some at the BA, primarily by trying to intimidate breweries into censoring themselves.”

In the BA’s policy, a procedure is laid out on how brewers can police their peers — Caruso reads this as competitors — by lodging a formal complaint. Should the offending brewery cease advertising or using a name that is considered offensive by the reporting brewery within 30 days of the complaint, the matter is considered closed. But, if the name and/or advertising is not ceased, a sort of tribunal is convened. The final decision of the tribunal — in reality a group of three BA appointed representatives — is published on the BA’s website for all the world to read. In addition, names found to be offensive will be banned from being spoken at BA sanctioned events like the Great American Beer Festival, Savour and more. If a brewery or beer with a name deemed offensive happens to win a medal in a competition at one of these events, they will not be publicly identified. Winners are also banned from using Brewers Association intellectual property such as identifying a banned beer name as a medal winner in a BA sanctioned event.

Caruso sees all this as forms of censorship, thought policing and just plain creepy.

You have two choices with SJWs. Submit or destroy them. Choose one. Choose wisely.

SJWs are NEVER content

This is why you cannot give them an inch of ground. Ever. They will simply consolidate it and immediately launch their next attack from it. They do not negotiate. They do not compromise. An SJW can no more stop pressing for more social justice than a shark can stop swimming.

Mailvox: Doctor Feelgood Fake News

CGS wonders if perhaps the Fake News is preventing an even greater incidence of psychological breakdowns among the heavily medicated SJW community:

While browsing the CNN headlines and seeing this line-up of five articles about polls negatively reflecting on Trump, I contemplated the amygdala soothing that this must provide to a substantial portion of the population. If it weren’t for the constant false reminder that they aren’t alone, there is a  substantial portion of the population that would find themselves under constant anxiety and tension of realizing just how isolated and fragile their situation really is.

Especially the middle class liberal who isn’t as well protected from the ghetto democrats as the upper class liberals are. If they were ever to realize how many people are indifferent to support of Trump they would realize just how tenuous their situation is stuck between the ghetto and flyover land… and knowing deep down the gates to upper class liberal town would be closed in the event of a civil breakdown.

In a way CNN’s lies are probably providing a tenuous glue keeping the liberal amygdala from meltdown which is indirectly helping maintain the peace we currently have. I know that working in a converged industry, city, and company… that even the slightest hint of disregard for their feelings or even outright support for Trump would be enough to bring the social condition to a standstill. I can’t imagine the amount of “sick leave” that we’d start seeing if CNN started reporting the accurate social shift.

Rabbits are incredibly fragile to feeling outgrouped, which of course is why they always run to that tactic whenever they are attacking us. SJW Law #3: SJWs Always Project. So trigger those fragile, shrunken amygdalas, my friends. TRIGGER THEM.

The Daily Meme Wars are a good place to start if you’re not sure how.

True diversity is national

As is the case with so many things, the Diversity being pushed on the nations of the West is a lie, a false and evil version of the true diversity that can only be preserved through the various peoples of the world remainingly firmly and determinedly distinct:

By marrying and moving into another culture, the women of It’ll Never Last tried their best to join another nation, and their failure to do so illustrates, rather gloriously, that mankind is still diverse. Our differences don’t just reflect our ideals but define our autonomy.

Far from promising peace, those who sing of no countries are really threatening us all with unspeakable violence, psychic and physical.

An empire, by nature, must trample on nationhood, even its own, for it presents the empire’s ambitions as the nation’s necessities, for how else can you get Americans, for example, to go die and fight in Afghanistan or Iraq? Though citing love of nation constantly, our Washington rulers are essentially anti-American, and that’s why a genuine nationalist like Edward Snowden must flee to Russia.

Nationalism is simply the love of one’s language, culture, history and heritage, one’s very identity in short, but as wielded by an empire, nationalism becomes a murderous tool to violate one nation after another. The American empire is destroying the American nation.

You really have to watch at least a few moments of the film mentioned, and linked, in the article quoted above. There really is something observably wrong with women who go that far outside their own culture; you can observe the crazy eyes even before they open their mouths and confirm the observation.

With a few evil exceptions, there is nothing good or beautiful about the destruction of a people and their erasure from history through assimilation. The Israelis understand this, for as Martin van Creveld’s wife Dvora once told me, the two greatest dangers to the Jews are a) that they will be hated, and b) that they will be too well loved.