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This Laura Bush thing is ridiculous. The only thing that Laura Bush should feel any need to apologize for is telling such a hoary old chestnut of a joke. Usually, the animal being milked is a steer. I’m about as citified as one can get short of actually being David Beckham and even I know that.

People who insist on making a big deal of it are either A) desperate to score any anti-Bush points they can, B) astoundingly clueless about the country on a Dennis Leary level, or C) really, really, really hopelessly bad in bed.

brmerrick sees a cruel divinity:

God didn’t give Andrew leukemia, but He did allow it to happen, knowing full well what the outcome will be, and hiding the outcome from Andrew and his family.

This makes God seem awfully cruel, when one work from His mouth would take Andrew’s leukemia away and spare his God-fearing family greater pain.

I wholeheartedly disagree, and while I’m not particularly enamored of what will no doubt be the can of worms this will open, I will attempt to explain why. And regardless of how badly this twists your panties, do try to keep in mind that belief in the existence or nonexistence of God’s power has nothing to do with one’s Christian faith. After all, it is written that the demons, too, believe.

First, there are two possibilities. Either evil is part of God’s plan and has from the beginning, or God is somehow constrained in his ability to unleash his power upon this Earth. The Biblical fact that God gives Man dominion over the Earth, a dominion which the Scrptures explain was subsequently given in turn to Satan, strongly suggests the latter.

Second, Jesus Christ himself states that Man has certain authority over evil in his own right. If evil is from God, then Man must have authority over God, a more fundamentally heretical notion than the idea that God’s hand is somehow constrained. This limited human authority is underlined by the situation in which his disciples complained that they could not cast out certain demons and Jesus explained that only prayer – in other words, an appeal to God’s authority instead of the use of their own – would suffice to address that sort.

So, my conclusion is that the leukemia inflicted on Andrew is either a random occurrence or intentionally inflicted by the evil being that both Paul and Jesus Christ recognized as the ruling power of this world. I believe that doctors, secular and Christian alike, are doing God’s work as they war against sickness and disease, just as Jesus Christ commanded his disciples.

Indeed, to assert that a child suffering leukemia is God’s will is to imply that those attempting to heal them are doing evil by defeating it. The problem of evil is not a difficult one, one once is able to accept the notion that God is not a cruel and easily bored puppeteer. Omniderigence leads inevitably to doubt, because it requires accepting the idea that evil stems from God.

But if everything is in God’s hands and moving according to God’s plan, then what need is there for Jesus Christ?

The surgery went very well and was a complete success. The doctor had estimated 45 minutes and ended up clocking in at 43… not that anyone was counting, of course. He was also 100 percent certain that the removed cyst was benign, confirming the ealier opinions of the pediatrician and radiographer. Thank you all very much for your prayers.

Also, in case you missed the note posted by Andrew’s grandfather about his grandson in the comments from a few days ago, it went as follows:

I am Andrew’s grandfather. Andrew is doing very well. After the first round of Chemo, he recovered completely and shows no sign of his disease. He has completed his second round and is recovering his blood supply. He will go home for a week or so this week. His hair has be reduced to a few wisps like an old man. But he never lost his energy this time and is VERY active. My wife and I spent the day with him on Sunday, and he wore us out playing play-do, reading, running around the hospital with his mask and little hat to cover his bald head, trying to understand his jibberish and hand gestures. But we loved every second. A crying screaming brat is music to your ears when he may otherwise have died.

But it is very hard on his whole family. The doctors and nurses are well trained to never give any encouragement or discouragement, i.e., they never say he is going to be okay or he is going to die. So we have to rely on hope and prayer.

During his first round of chemo, he developed a stomach infection and nearly died, but they did not tell us that. We found out by accident. Dr. Stella stopped by and prayer over him. That did the trick. She gave my wife some inside info the rest of the doctors and nurses could not.

Leukemia is never gone. It could pop up anytime during the rest of his life. It is not like watching a scary movie that you can just turn off. It will always be with us and we do not know how it will end.

My daughter and her husband have lived almost every night at the hospital for two months, and look forward to living there until August. His maternal and fraternal grandmothers and aunts have spent days and nights at the hospital. Andrew has spent one week at home and gets to spend one week between each of the 5 rounds of chemo. Andrew has had a feeding tube in his nose for two months, because the chemo makes food seem inedible. He has a tube sticking out of his stomach to inject the chemo and antibiotics and blood transfusions.

Highlights are when we read that people around the world such as yourselves are praying for Andrew. It is so wonderful when some anonymous soul provides pizza through Greenmill for all the family and staff on the 8th floor of the hospital. Or while spending Easter at the hospital and Boston Market provides complete meals for all the families. It is the little things that count.

It is devastating when you hear a code red and the little child next door is no longer there.

Prayer works. Prayer has provided the doctors and nurses, many whom are Christians. Prayer has provided the doctors with the skill to design the treatment that appears to be saving Andrew. Prayer makes Andrew understand that all this must be necessary. Prayer gives his parents and family the courage to stay the course. God has given Andrew family.

Your praying is working. Please continue.

Sincerely.
Granddad

Browns tight end Kellen Winslow Jr. sustained injuries after being thrown from his motorcycle at a speed approximating 35 mph on Sunday night. Winslow will remain in the Cleveland Clinic for an indefinite period until swelling in his right shoulder and right knee is reduced and further evaluation can be completed, according to a club statement. Bill Bonsiewicz, Browns VP of communications, said he was unaware if Winslow underwent surgery or if surgery would be needed. Bonsiewicz declined to characterize Winslow’s playing status for the 2005 season.
— Cleveland Plain Dealer

The NFL Network reported Winslow’s contract contains wording that forbids him to ride a motorcycle. If Winslow breached the contract he may have to repay part or all of his $6 million signing bonus and $4.4 million option.
— Akron Beacon Journal

So much for the Browns savior-in-waiting. If I were Cleveland’s head coach, I’d be tempted to use this as an excuse to simply drop the guy, or at least trade him. Talent doesn’t do you much good when you’re a bonehead of this caliber. Randy Moss may be annoying and he may not play every play, but at least he manages to get on the field every now and then.

Phyllis Schlafly, as usual, is significantly ahead of the curve:

The British government admits that more than half its major laws, and 80 percent of all its laws, now originate in Brussels. No law passed in Brussels has been successfully overturned by Parliament….

The European nations’ loss of sovereignty to the EU should be a warning to Americans. The EU is a model for how global-governance advocates in the United States plan to morph trade agreements into one government for the Western Hemisphere.

NAFTA came first, under which a foreign tribunal was able to override U.S. laws and give Mexican trucks access to all U.S. highways. Congress will soon vote on the Central American Free Trade Agreement, the plan to integrate our prosperous economy with the poverty of Central America.

Then will come Free Trade Agreement of the Americas which, according to the Quebec Declaration signed by Bush in 2001, will bring about economic and political “hemispheric integration.” Americans who want to retain American sovereignty should speak up now.

This is why Republicans and Democrats must abandon their parties now in favor of any party that rejects the abandonment of American sovereignty. Both Republicans and Democrats are absolutely committed to the American Union, a New World imitation of the sovereign bureaucratic superstate.

Ignorance will not be an excuse. You are being warned now. If you support George W. Bush or if you support Hillary Clinton, you are selling your nation, your Constitution and your liberties in exchange for well-fed serfdom.

From the NYT:

arents would certainly deny it, but Canadian researchers have made a startling assertion: parents take better care of pretty children than they do ugly ones.

Researchers at the University of Alberta carefully observed how parents treated their children during trips to the supermarket. They found that physical attractiveness made a big difference.

The researchers noted if the parents belted their youngsters into the grocery cart seat, how often the parents’ attention lapsed and the number of times the children were allowed to engage in potentially dangerous activities like standing up in the shopping cart. They also rated each child’s physical attractiveness on a 10-point scale.

Of course, this would fly in the face of the assertions that all parents love their children equally…. Although I find the notion credible based on how the prettiest child often is often an attention magnet in a family, I do have some doubts about the study, given the researchers’ inability to correctly diagnose one parental behavior.

“Although the researchers were unsure why, good-looking boys were usually kept in closer proximity to the adults taking care of them than were pretty girls. The researchers speculated that girls might be considered more competent and better able to act independently than boys of the same age.”

Apparently the possibility that boys of all appearances are significantly more likely to topple the pile of soup cans at the end of the aisle or whack their brother over the head with a loaf of bread than girls never occurred to them. It’s not a question of competence or ability, but behavioral probability.

In perusing the blogroll I discovered that our friendly enemy Strange Semantics has disappeared from the Blogosphere, but by way of compensation, we have been graced by the appearance of a new Voxologista, The Court of the Virgin Queen. Check her out when you get a chance.

Oh, and if today’s column left you thinking I’m just bitter and envious of the squawkers on Fox, do consider the following breaking news from Drudge:

Hannity has landed an exclusive with runaway bride fiance John Mason . . . interview tonight at 9pm et on FOXNEWS…

I don’t know about you, but that sounds more like a Circle of Hell than a dream job to me.

From the WSJ:

The newspaper industry, already suffering from circulation problems, could be looking at its worst numbers in more than a decade.

Circulation numbers to be released today by the Audit Bureau of Circulations probably will show industrywide declines of 1% to 3%, according to people familiar with the situation — possibly the highest for daily newspapers since the industry shed 2.6% of subscribers in 1990-91.

The biggest publishers may show the largest declines: Gannett Co., which owns about 100 newspapers, says it will be down “a couple of points” from last year’s levels. Circulation at Tribune Co.’s Los Angeles Times is likely to be off in excess of 6% of its most recently reported figures. Belo Corp.’s Dallas Morning News expects to report daily circulation down 9% and Sunday circulation down 13% from the year-earlier period.

I found that last part particularly amusing, as it was the DMN that briefly signed up my UPS column, then dropped it before even running it once. I’m not saying that adding it would have helped anything at this point, but it seems reasonable to suggest that one of the various factors in this circulation fall is that white men under the age of fifty don’t read the newspaper much because the newspapers, like network television, pay almost no attention to anything in which they’re interested.

When I first wrote my computer game column in 1994, nearly every newspaper in America turned down Chronicle Features because all the editors knew that no one was interested in computer games. Now, they all run little blurbs about games written by a clueless reporter, but it’s clear that none of these “reviewers” know anything about the industry because their reviews always revolve around the fact that graphics today are better than the last year’s graphics. As if one couldn’t have written the same idiocy in 1986.

You don’t go to the newspaper to read about sports, games or women, but it seems as if print publications such as Sports Illustrated, Computer Gaming World and Maxim are all doing just fine. To quote the Real Slim Shady:

And there’s a million of us just like me
Who cuss like me, who just don’t give a f— like me
Who dress like me, walk, talk and act like me
And just might be the next best thing but not quite me

So, naturally, when a few newspaper editors finally figure out that maybe there is a logical reason as to why Fox is crushing CNN et al and decide they need to add some right-leaning writers, who tops the list? A white chick, an Asian chick and a young Jewish law student.

Prediction: continuing circulation fall

Christina Hoff Sommers on the university war against the penis:

“Testaclese” tipped the scales when he approached the university Provost, Edward J. Kavanagh, outside the student union. Apparently taking him/it for a giant mushroom, Provost Kavanagh cheerfully greeted him. But when Testaclese presented him with an honorary award as a campus “Penis Warrior,” the stunned official realized that it was no mushroom. After this incident, which was recorded on videotape, the promoters of P-Day were ordered to cease circulating their flyers and to keep Testaclese off campus grounds. Mindful of how school officers had never once protested any of the antics of Vagina warriors, the P-warriors did not comply. The Testaclese costume was then confiscated and formal charges followed.

It is easy to understand why school officials would not want a six-foot phallus wandering around campus; nor why they would ask students not to paper the college with posters describing all the things it likes to do. But that is just the sort of thing the vagina warriors have been doing, year after year, on hundreds of campuses. In fact, P-Day at Roger Williams was mild by comparison. Wesleyan College hosted a “C***” workshop; Penn State held a “C***”-fest. At Arizona State, students displayed a 40-foot inflatable plastic vagina. It was not confiscated and no one was ever threatened with probation.

Penis penis penis penis penis penis song. Penis penis penis penis penis all day long… great, now I’ve got that melody in my head. The worst thing is I don’t know if it’s an actual song or just something that goofball Bowen made up.

Anyhow, as I’ve said before, merciless confrontation of the sort described here is the most effective way to rout feminists. They are complete cowards who can’t handle finding themselves on the defensive and as long as you pay attention to make sure they can’t stab you in the back when you’re not looking, you’ll win every time. The only way they have ever one is when the other side simply concedes the battle.

In college, the White Buffalo, Big Chilly and I were publicly accused of being “sexist pornographers” in our college newspaper and the WB was actually brought up on university charges of sexual harassment. (Given who he was charged with harassing, I think he had one heck of a case for slander. Think “shaved gorilla”.) But the WB’s bold insistence on marching into the Dean’s office to meet the charges wearing nothing but his tidy whities combined with a pair of my scathingly brutal responses in the paper caused his accuser to be sentenced to 40 hours of campus trash cleanup, turned our leading feminist group into a complete laughingstock and caused the newspaper reporter who started the whole thing to dissolve in tears because everyone was convinced she was a bitter lesbian.

FREE TESTACLESE!

Libertas on George Lucas:

From the sum total of Lucas’ remarks, I’m left with the following impression: that Lucas is dismissing Moore, simply because Moore is too obvious – too openly political and ‘of the moment’ – but that Lucas isn’t otherwise troubled by Fahrenheit, at all. In fact, the film and its reception are obviously on his mind a lot – and seem to frustrate him. Moore is clumsy, Lucas seems to be saying, because he isn’t able to explore the same issues in the more guarded language of symbolism and fiction. [For example, Lucas himself has repeatedly indicated that the origins of the ‘Star Wars’ series – however it’s subsequently developed – were in his reaction to the Vietnam War and Nixon’s corruption.] Moore says things openly – and perhaps stupidly – that we can say in other, more sophisticated and insightful ways, Lucas seems to be saying.

Now, I find all of this a bit alarming, for obvious reasons. Lucas clearly wants to “affect” people, and he doesn’t seem particularly concerned with how Moore had intended to “affect” audiences – only that it may not have worked. This is a bit like saying Goebbels was merely clumsy, but his intentions were pure. I sincerely hope I’m only misunderstanding what’s being said here by this otherwise great filmmaker. If not, then what he’s outlining is actually already what Hollywood’s elite classes (of which Moore is not really a part) already believe: film is there to be used to shape people’s values, but it can only be done effectively through popular entertainments that can’t push their politics too much. And, of course, it’s understood that those values are supposed to be left-wing.

Wired put Lucas on its cover, his face half-encased in the helmet Darth Vader. That may be more appropriate than they imagined.

What people tend to forget is that while Lucas may be think of himself as a quietly subversive storyteller, he is also a bad one. The conflict between the inherent conservativism of the original Star Wars and the ever-heavier left-oriented PC creep of the prequels – I’m going by what I’ve read here, as I noted before, I’m following the Sports Guy on Rocky V with regards to Episodes I, II and III – is potentially easy to explain. In the original, Episode IV, Lucas was reinterpreting Kurasawa’s Hidden Fortress, which necessarily drove much of the storyline. And the second two films were thereby constrained by the need to continue the plot of the first one.

Although some elements of Episode I more closely resemble the plot of Hidden Fortress, twenty years of success (wrongly) gave Lucas more confidence to depart from his influences and tell more of the story he wanted as well as adding more of the subersive elements he champions. Whatever the level of financial success the three prequels may have, they will remain a lasting tribute to the dangers of creative hubris.