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Americans don’t realize it, but they are often regarded as stupid children by most intelligent Europeans. The main reason for this is that the average American has a tendency to blindly focus on the letter of the law, whereas most non-Germanic Europeans tend to pay more attention to the spirit of the law. The exception to this general principle is, of course, the Italians, who cheerfully ignore both spirit and letter alike.

“We are all Fascists now… ciao!”

I didn’t realize how far I have migrated towards the European position until I was forced to deal with an international shipping issue this week. A US company shipped some packages to me and provided me with the tracking numbers, which I happened to check on the FedEx web site yesterday. The web site showed a strange destination, which was an address that did not make sense due to it being in a city that does not, in fact, exist on this planet.

I called FedEx in the States and learned that according to the tracking number, the package was listed as having been shipped from the West Coast by a woman, picked up in Minnesota at precisely the same minute as my package had been picked up, and was on its way to the aforementioned nonexistent city in Europe. I pointed out to FedEx woman #1 that this was a) impossible, b) improbable, and c) impossible, in response to which she quite reasonably suggested that I first contact the shipper and make sure they hadn’t made some severe mistakes when filling out the shipping forms. In my opinion, the amount of variance stretched credulity, but because my belief in the potential incompetence of humanity knows no bounds, I agreed to do so before pursuing the matter further with FedEx.

After testing the gentleman who had shipped the package and confirming that he did, in fact, have all of the shipping details correct, I contacted FedEx again. This time I spoke with another woman, one even less intelligent than the first, who simply could not grasp the concept that the information derived from the tracking number could not possibly be correct. I asked to talk to her supervisor; after taking 15 minutes to get him on the line, she said she would get off the line and let us resolve the matter, then hung up on me.

I called back and this time reached a Hispanic guy, who after about 10 minutes finally agreed that there appeared to be a genuine problem here and actually managed to get his supervisor, another woman, on the line without hanging up on me. The supervisor was reasonable at first and seemed to understand the basic problem, but she refused to actually do anything on the sole basis of my request and insisted that the shipper needed to contact FedEx in order to correct any problem with the shipping details. When I pointed out to her the inherent flaw with this logic, namely, the fact that according to the tracking number, the shipper was a nonexistent woman living on the West Coast, she hemmed, hawed, and finally resorted to repeating that the shipper, not the recipient, had to contact FedEx. After two futile attempts at convincing her that her solution was doomed to failure, I gave up and agreed to follow the protocol, knowing full well what was bound to happen.

So, I called the shipper and asked him to call FedEx. He complied, and this morning I received an email from him which completely failed to surprise me: “According to her these tracking#’s do not belong to our account number anyway. They belong to a [woman’s name] ….she suggested that if there are issues with these trk#’s that [woman’s name] should call? Who is [woman’s name] anyway?”

In summary, I called FedEx and explicitly told them, repeatedly, in great detail, that they’ve got what appears to be a software bug substituting nonexistent shippers and nonexistent destinations for the real ones, and their response was to demand that the NONEXISTENT shipper contact them in order to straighten it all out. This was despite the fact that I not only possess the relevant tracking numbers but also the precise time and location from which the packages were picked up. I would have surely lost my temper at some point along the way were it not for my strong belief that most people are TOTAL FUCKING MORONS. (I know I usually say “idiots”, but that’s just because I’m attempting to be polite.) At this point, I’ve probably spent around two hours on the phone, and as Spacebunny can attest, have remained calm throughout.

I finally called the FedEx office in Europe this morning. The first thing the guy said, even before I began explaining the situation, was: “But there is no such city!” Against my better judgment, I began to feel the first flutterings of hope that I was not dealing with yet another fine specimen of Homo Stupidens. When I explained the situation, as well as the inherent problem with his colleagues’ proposed solution, he laughed and said “you were talking to the Americans, weren’t you”. He asked for my address, told me to call him if the package wasn’t the correct one, and asked me to have the shipper contact their shipping rep to investigate the potential software bug. Total time on phone: five minutes.

This fiasco exemplifies one of the fundamental problems that economic globalization poses for America. The concept of replacing a manufacturing economy with a service/information economy requires a great mass of individuals who are capable of functioning at a higher level than the average IQ. Whereas the first five FedEx employees with whom I spoke were perfectly capable of following simple directions and would probably make for productive manufacturing employees, they were all completely incapable of thinking or acting outside the simple flow chart that had been laid out for them.

And as John Derbyshire, among others, has asked, what comes next in the progression Farm -> Factory -> Office -> X? I suspect the answer is X = Farm.

This is one of the many reasons that I have long insisted that the US economic statistics are garbage:

The U.S. economy has been in a recession since December 2007, the National Bureau of Economic Research said Monday. The NBER—a private, nonprofit research organization—said its group of academic economists who determine business cycles met and decided that the U.S. recession began last December.

Now, let’s look at what the official GDP stats have been since that time:

2006 – 2.9 percent
2007 – 2.2 percent

2007 Q4 – 0.6 percent
2008 Q1 – 0.9 percent
2008 Q2 – 2.8 percent (advance 1.9, preliminary 3.3)
2008 Q3 -(0.5 percent)

Notice how the numbers dance all over the place, before being thrown out altogether. Since a recession is supposed to be two consecutive quarters of economic contraction, how can there be a recession starting in 2007 when there hasn’t been any official contraction prior to Q3 2008?

Today marks a remarkable new intellectual low for atheist argumentation. An atheist doctor not only attempts to criticize TIA without, you know, actually bothering to read it, but he does so after reading no more than the WND advertisement for the book. Imagine what a devastating rebuttal he could have constructed had he gone so far as to read the 2003 column of the same name! No doubt he’ll be mystified as to why I roll my eyes at his claim about how he and other atheists have “carefully considered the evidence” for God’s existence… which is an intriguing claim anyhow considering that most atheists insist that there is no evidence for God’s existence:

I noticed the attached summary of your book “The Irrational Atheist” on the website shop.wnd.com. Have you considered that not a single one of these points provides any evidence either for or against the likelihood of god existing? For example, let’s imagine that atheists are indeed 3.84 times more likely to be imprisoned. Does this in any way heighten the likelihood that god exists? You’re arguing for the morality of religion, not for the likelihood of its existence. Remember, just because something is comforting and consoling doesn’t make it true. Atheists have carefully analyzed the evidence, and have come to the only logical conclusion. I assume you’ve read Dawkins’ “The God Delusion”? It spoke to me more directly than my years and years spent in the Christian church, and years reading the historically inaccurate, inconsistency-ridden, nonsensical doctrines of the Bible.

Your point seems to be that religious people are more moral. Dawkins tears this claim apart, and I can certainly vouch from personal experience that religious people are NOT more moral. Do I really need the Bible to tell me not to kill and steal? Of course not.

Oh- and by the way- this claim about imprisonment is, like most of your claims, pure propaganda. Academic studies, again and again, find nearly every inmate to be religious! Please research more extensively. If you need help, I’ll be happy to point you to the appropriate academic literature.

Mr. Day, the Spanish Inquisition was established to maintain Catholic Orthodoxy! Does the fact that it executed fewer people than the state of Texas (a very religious, red state, by the way) somehow make it better? That claim takes the cake! Can you please explain to me (or at least to yourself) how your statement regarding the inquisition in any way supports Christianity?

One final thought- If it is true that 93 percent of wars in human history had no relation to religion (also verifiably false) the remaining 7 percent did some serious damage, didn’t they? Would you like a list?

The godless doctor obviously hasn’t read the book. After all, I not only know that none of those bullet points provides any such evidence, but I pointed out at the very start of TIA that the purpose of the book is not to prove that God exists, it is merely to point out the copious factual and logical errors made by the New Atheists, of which there are more than enough to fill a book.

Now, I readily agree that the failure of these numerous atheist arguments do not alter the probability of God’s existence, which is either so or not so regardless of the current species consensus or the rhetorical skill of either the believers or the doubters. I don’t need to argue for the likelihood of religion’s existence – there is no shortage of historical evidence that religion does, in fact, exist despite the dearth of scientific evidence indicating this – and I am certainly not arguing for the morality of religion, only its relative social beneficence, even vis-a-vis science. It is absolutely untrue that “atheists have carefully analyzed the evidence”; Dawkins has not, Hitchens has not, and their books demonstrate this very clearly. In fact, I specifically point out the absurdity of this claim in TIA, given how they both assert that their atheism dates from their respective childhoods. If the doctor is seriously impressed by TGD, then he’s probably a lot less intelligent than he thinks he is.

The godless doctor really needs to read TIA if he wishes to take part in the discourse unless he wishes to continue to humiliate himself. Dawkins does not tear apart any claim to relative moralities, in fact, he even admits that he’s probably naive regarding the matter. His argument for superiority of atheist behavior by Christian standards is based entirely upon the fallacious assumption that the degree of morality depends upon motivation. As I noted in TIA, one cannot apply a gradient to a binary process; it is like attempting to ascertain which of two corpses is the less dead. The doctor’s personal experience is anecdotal and irrelevant; it is probably based upon his incorrectly limited definition of an atheist to a self-identified atheist rather than an individual who does not believe in God.

The doctor is, unsurprisingly, completely incorrect about the prison populations. It is not propaganda, it is based on the complete and detailed Welsh and English prison statistics. Again, his argument is implicitly based on excluding the irreligious from atheism.

The question of whether the relative non-lethality of the Spanish Inquisition makes it “better” is irrelevant, the point is that the facts completely falsify the claims of the New Atheists, particularly Sam Harris, that it was one of the most tragic and lethal crimes in human history. It was not. As to the “religion causes war” argument, by all means, I should be very amused to see the doctor attempt to prove that more than 7 percent of all the wars in human history were caused by religion. Sam Harris and numerous other atheists have already conceded this point to me, while Dawkins never even dared to state it outright, so he’s certainly welcome to make his best effort.

We shall all, I am sure, await it with interest. And I’m curious… atheists, how seriously would you take a theist who attempted to criticize The God Delusion after reading nothing more than an advertisement for it?

UPDATE – the doctor writes back:

I especially love your response to my question about the likelihood of god existing: “It does not alter the probability of God’s existence. I don’t need to argue for the likelihood of religion’s existence – it clearly exists.” Religion and God, Mr. Day, are two different things. Of course religion exists!

Also- how convenient that you use Welsh and English prison statistics, as the American ones obviously don’t work. Also, I this ridiculous claim about 93 percent of wars not being caused by religion is so crazy I don’t know where to start. An even higher percentage, you must admit, were not caused by atheism! And: “[The Spanish Inquisiton] was one of the most reasonable institutions of its historical era.” And I suppose the purification philosophy behind the Holocaust was reasonable too, eh? And all the Salem witch trials?

Yes, I am impressed by TGD. Perhaps I’m not as smart as I think I am. But what I do know is that I’m am one of the youngest ever Ph.D. graduates of an ivy league college, with an I.Q. that has been tested several times in the genius range. Dawkins is an Oxford professor. We’re certainly capable of distinguishing between good logic and bad, and I wouldn’t be too quick to dismiss either of our intellects.

Of course religion exists. The reason I brought that up was to highlight the doctor’s sloppiness of phrasing, which just happens to coincide with his incredible attempt to offer criticism despite lacking any direct knowledge of the subject.

The American prison statistics are neither detailed nor comprehensive. The English and Welsh statistics not only cover the entire population, they go into unbelievable detail. If the doctor had read TIA, you wouldn’t even try to argue this point. Morever, he is clearly fai
ling to note the point that the irreligious are also atheists by any definition that does not depend upon self-description.

The reason he thinks the 93 percent statistic is “crazy” is because he clearly knows nothing about military history. I freely admit that a higher percentage of wars were not caused by atheism. That’s irrelevant because the issue at hand is if religion is or is not a primary causal factor of war. And it is not, as anyone who knows the first thing about either military history or military strategy is aware. TIA has an entire chapter devoted to pointing out that no military strategist has ever concerned himself with religion, with the very partial exception of the clueless would-be general Machiavelli.

The doctor shows himself to be a typical atheist when he attempts to dodge the subject of the Spanish Inquisition, which he himself brought up. He gets his ass kicked on the facts, so he naturally tries to change the subject rather than learn anything. The Holocaust and the Salem Witch Trials have no connection to the Spanish Inquisition.

If the doctor is genuinely impressed by TGD, than he is either ignorant on a wide range of subjects or the capacity for critical thinking has been educated out of him. Unsurprisingly, it didn’t take him long to hide behind his education, since academic degrees are the first refuge of the intellectually unaccomplished. It should embarrass him to have to defend Dawkins’s logical capacity by citing the man’s previous job title when there is such a large body of work that should suffice to do so. Of course, his problem is that it proves precisely the opposite. Ironically, the doctor does precisely what Dawkins and the other New Atheists often do, in resorting to logic in defiance of the available empirical evidence.

The doctor doesn’t seem to understand the difference between lack of intelligence and lack of information. And his attempt to argue about a book he has not read indicates that he possesses the all-too-common foolishness of the intelligent academic, who illogically believes that intellectual capacity alway serves as an adequate substitute for information. Now, let’s test his logic. TIA has been through three printings and has been downloaded thousands of times. I have responded in detail to all of my substantive critics, most of whom have either conceded the argument to me or fallen silent. Does it make sense, therefore, for him to believe he is saying anything I have not seen and successfully dealt with before?

Nazi science usually was proper science:

Mengele was only one of a number of scientists in Nazi Germany who carried out research on involuntary human subjects. Karl Gebhardt and Fritz Fischer had women prisoners in the Ravensbrück concentration camp injected with harmful microbes. They then tested new drugs on the prisoners, presenting the results to a scientific conference.

Many such projects were directly conceived as practical contributions to the German war effort. In a variety of camps, SS doctors used inmates to test treatments for injuries sustained in battle, cutting open their calves and sewing bits of glass or wood or gauze impregnated with bacteria into the wounds, sometimes even smashing the prisoners’ bones with hammers to create a more realistic effect; again, the results were presented to scientific conferences without anyone offering any criticism of the methods employed.

It’s always interesting to see how science fetishists attempt to dismiss Nazi science as “bad science” without ever explaining what the difference between “bad science” and “good science” is. I also note that for these same people, “bad theology” is seldom seen as an acceptable excuse for even completely unrelated theologies. If it’s reasonable to attack Christians because of the actions of Muslims, then it’s perfectly reasonable to attack scientists because of the actions of their historical German colleagues.

This has always been true. This account of the Bombay massacre only makes it more obvious:

The two gunmen moved along two separate paths toward the station’s main entrance, firing as they walked. They met virtually no resistance, even though several dozen police officers are usually deployed at the station. “They were killing the public, and the police just ran away,” says Ram Vir, a coffee vendor whose stand is near Platform 8….

At about 9:45 p.m., two gunmen, slender and in their mid-20s, ran up the circular driveway at the entrance to the Trident. They shot the security guard and two bellhops. The hotel had metal detectors, but none of its security personnel carried weapons because of the difficulties in obtaining gun permits from the Indian government, according to the hotel company’s chairman, P.R.S. Oberoi.

Notice that strict gun control is in effect in both Bombay as well as the California site of the Toys R Us shooting. Obviously, anti-gun laws are not effective in preventing gun crime.

What on Earth is the NFL trying to do to itself? The calls have been simply atrocious this year and it seems as if they’re getting worse every week. If they’re going to call this sort of hit “Unnecessary Roughness” then they might as well get rid of the pads and substitute flags for tackling.

I’m very enthusiastic about the Google Books project and some of the changes that technology is bringing about. Having witnessed the downside of the publishing industry from the non-bestselling author’s perspective, I’m delighted to see anything that reduces the power of the conventional publisher. Especially if it means that there will be more than the same 12 books from the same 12 authors for sale at every bookstore.

This means a new beginning — a vast trove of books restored to the marketplace. It also means that much of the book world is being upended before our eyes: the business of publishing, selling and distributing books; the role of libraries and bookstores; all uses of books for research, consultation, information storage; everything, in fact, but the plain act of reading a book from start to finish.

In bookstores, the trend for a decade or more has been toward shorter shelf life. Books have had to sell fast or move aside. Now even modest titles have been granted a gift of unlimited longevity.

The worst thing about the current book industry is the shelf life issue. There will always be the problem of letting people know that a book exists, but it will be good to see the stigma of self-publishing and on-demand publishing begin to fade away. I’ve always thought it was incredibly stupid to assume a book is inherently better because someone else was willing to publish it; the existence of Harlequin romances should be enough to explode that notion.

77 Alamo City Spartans (9-2-1)
61 Mounds View Meerkats (8-4-0)

47 Burns Redbeards (8-4-0)
43 Greenfield Grizzlies (4-7-1)

76 Silver Spooners (6-3-3)
50 Masonville Marauders (3-8-1))

141 Judean Peoples Front (6-6-0)
53 Winston Reverends (4-8-0)

86 Valders Valkyries (6-6-0)
52 Black Mouth Curs (3-9-0)

I’m a bit disappointed that the Grizzlies didn’t do me a favor and knock off Burns, and their attempt at outdoing the JPF explosion will probably only fall short due to a failure to start Brian Westbrook.

A Gunner repents of his utter foolishness:

You may recall that in this column, I demanded that Arsenal ‘part company’ with Arsene Wenger. I had written that demand precisely 17 minutes after we had been thrashed 3-0 by Manchester City. Our fifth, and worst, Premier League defeat of the season.

I was depressed, frustrated, consumed with blind anger and behaved like most football fans behave in the immediate aftermath of a terrible loss – irrationally. Foaming at the mouth, I scrapped the column I had already written (The ‘Gallas must go’ one) and ripped into Wenger instead.

‘Enough was enough,’ I stormed. ‘He must go!’ And for the rest of the evening, I congratulated myself on my fearless one-man campaign to oust the greatest manager in Arsenal’s history. Then I went to bed and, at 3am, reality dawned with the power of a demented 10-inch maggot crawling inside my ear. What was I thinking? How could I do this? Had I lost my mind?

I didn’t even bother to respond to Morgan’s previous madness. It was clear to me that he was simply off his gourd. I have complete faith in Arsene Wenger’s ability to reload the Arsenal and such is my confidence in his pure managerial abilities that I would prefer see him coach the Minnesota Vikings in his spare time rather than see the Purple continue to languish under the loathesome, rubbery hand of the Childress regime.

I still owe everyone some comments from the previous section, but in the meantime, here’s this week’s quiz. Next week’s reading is Chapter 5: The Development of the Inflation.