007, converged

It was only a matter of time before James Bond became a gay black woman.

Since Daniel Craig announced he was standing down as James Bond, debate has raged whether the next 007 should be a woman, or black.

Now The Mail on Sunday can reveal that she will be both – thanks to the intervention of feminist TV writer Phoebe Waller-Bridge.

In what’s been called a ‘popcorn-dropping moment’, British star Lashana Lynch, will be given Bond’s licence to kill in the 25th movie in the franchise, currently being shot in Italy and the UK.

They’re just teasing it now with replacing the number. But they’re obviously hoping they can get away with making the actual substitution once Craig is actually done for good. While they’re at it, why don’t they really shake things up and give him Downs Syndrome and put him in a wheelchair?

This is a Bond for the modern era who will appeal to a younger generation while sticking true to what we all expect in a Bond film,’ the source added. ‘There are spectacular chase sequences and fights, and Bond is still Bond but he’s having to learn to deal with the world of #MeToo.

I’m guessing it probably won’t appeal as much to the younger generations as they think. Perhaps we’ll have to start thinking about writing a script for Roland Dane….