She Pines for the Fjords

I think it’s perfectly obvious that Princess Kate isn’t deceased, and hasn’t either succumbed to Suddenly or been sacrificed to Satan in a desperate ritual to help Clown World hold onto its power. Clearly, the poor princess is merely pining for the fjords.

The Princess of Wales will probably “not appear in public for the rest of the year,” and is being “surrounded” by her birth family as she continues a course of preventive chemotherapy having been diagnosed with cancer earlier this year, royal sources and friends of Kate Middleton and Prince William have told The Daily Beast.

After all, it’s already May. Who would reasonably expect a woman who has hitherto been exceptionally hard-working and appeared at hundreds of public events, up to and including the birth of her children, to show her face in public over an eight-month period when she isn’t a public figure at all, being only a senior British Royal. Besides, you can’t tell me that such a realistic and life-like official painting could have been painted if the princess hadn’t been alive, well, and sitting for the artist.

And, of course, it would be totally absurd to suggest that her blood might have been used in the painting of that beautiful work of art commemorating the reign of King Charles III.