The Case of the Missing Princess

People around the world are increasingly convinced that the disappearance of Princess Kate from all media, social and otherwise, is due to her unexpected demise.

Kate Middleton, the 42-year-old wife of Prince William and mother of their three children, made her last official public appearance on last year’s Christmas as she walked into church with members of the royal family… British talk show host John Oliver even joked that Kate “could have died 18 months ago.” A new theory is that Kate’s disappearance is related to unsubstantiated rumors that Prince William had an affair.

The “Gone girl” drama in the British royal family has also become a trendy topic on China’s social media platform. On Sina Weibo, an ongoing poll on “what do you think happened to Princess Kate” found 4,900 out of 8,000 (61 percent) on Saturday respondents thought she “probably had died,” while 20 percent thought she suffered physical illness and 9 percent believed it was a mental situation.

Another popular speculative theory was that Kate is determined to divorce due to William’s affairs and no longer cooperates in royal duties.

Now, I have no idea why the princess has gone radio dark after more than a decade of serving as the British monarchy’s brightest and most important star. But if there is a medical reason behind her sudden disappearance, I think we all know what it is, and also why it is not just the British press, but the whole Clown World media establishment, that is not being permitted to openly discuss either her disappearance or the fake images that have been released to create the illusion of her well-being.

We don’t KNOW it’s the vaxx…

The Kurgan went rather dark with his theory, which I have to confess is not something I’d ever considered. I tend to imagine the Royals engaged in icy conversations about how they’d prefer their tea than in domestic violence, but I suppose it’s possible… although weirdly precise about the details.

My personal OPINION is that she got stabbed by William in an argument. I been saying that for a week.

UPDATE: There is a detailed rumor on /pol/ that one would hope is merely a LARP in response to the incompetent palace PR shenanigans. But there have been separate, unrelated, and possibly faked images of UK flags at half-mast as well. If it’s true, we’ll probably know tomorrow.

it’s official. She’s gone.
Top government officials have already been briefed.
My mum is a clerk at Steinmeiers office (President of Germany)
She saw it on his desk.
BBC will release a major statement shortly

Reported reason: complications from a myoma (intrauterine tumor). During the surgery a severe bleeding occurred which could not be controlled in time. Apparently she suffered from a hereditary coagulopathy which was unknown to her surgeons.

UPDATE: On the other hand, The Sun reported a few hours ago that the princess is fine and was out and about today.

‘Happy and healthy’ Princess Kate spotted out and about for first time since surgery as she visits farm shop with Wills. Kate and William spent the morning watching children George, Charlotte, and Louis take part in sports. 22:00 17 Mar 2024

I’d bet on the /pol/ report being a English LARP, mostly because a German whose mother is a German bureaucrat is unlikely to use the word “mum”. And no one who knows what they’re talking about tends to use the words “top” anything.

UPDATE: The more out-there conspiracy theorists appear to think the significance goes well beyond the tabloid monarchy. We’ll find out soon enough.