In which a subject I never thought it would be necessary to contemplate is addressed, as apparent Owen has set the Internet on fire again.
Why would a rich famous guy marry a 34-year-old woman? If you started immediately you MIGHT be able to have two kids. And she’s publicly had sex with a ton of guys. Despite her wealth she’s very low quality for any successful male. Just seems weird and almost like he’s a gay guy. Why would a successful man want a middle-aged woman who’s always on tour? Is it…could it be…because he’s gay?
I can think of a few possible explanations:
- Travis Kelce is 34 as well. It is nice to have similar references as your wife. Most men marry a woman 1-3 years younger. And given that Taylor Swift is observably immature, she probably looks and behaves more like a woman who falls in that age group.
- Taylor is very attractive. She held her own even when she was surrounded by Victoria’s Secret models before it went all diverse and inclusive. She’ll probably be far more attractive at 50 than many of her potential younger rivals will at 40.
- Travis Kelce only has one brother. So two kids would probably strike him as normal, and thereby her age would not as be as disqualifying as those who value large families might assume.
Taylor is smart and talented. Perhaps Travis is a Renaissance Man who truly values… okay, that’s not it.- Taylor has generational wealth. Travis appears to be considerably more money-motivated than the average NFL tight end. See: Gronk.
- Travis is a calculating fame whore and marrying Taylor Swift will establish him as a bona fide celebrity that will allow him to launch his post-NFL music and acting career.
- Travis and Taylor are both gay and this will be a lavender marriage.
- Everyone is right. The relationship is true love, Travis and Taylor are both gay, and the transpiracy theorists are correct and Taylor is actually a man.
Frankly, I’m a little shocked that Big Bear went for the lavender interpretation and not the last one. He must be mellowing out now that he’s not being cancelled every five minutes.
I can’t believe I’m actually going to be pulling for the 49ers this Super Bowl. I will never forgive Clown World for this. And in other Chiefs-related news, there has been a mysterious lack of agitation at ex-KC Offensive Coordinator’s annual failure to get a head coaching job this year.