Well, Darn the Luck!

It isn’t incomprehensible, it’s just highly improbable.

A college student who survived the deadly shooting that killed three students and critically wounded five others Monday night at Michigan State University also lived through the horrific Sandy Hook massacre over 10 years ago.

“I am 21 years old, and this is the second mass shooting that I have now lived through,” Jackie Matthews said in an emotional TikTok video shared early Tuesday.

Now a senior at MSU, Matthews was a student at Reed Intermediate School in Newtown, Conn., which was placed on lockdown on Dec. 14, 2012 when gunman Adam Lanza killed 20 students and six teachers at Sandy Hook Elementary school, which is just over the highway.

Speaking from a room across the road from where Anthony Dwayne McRae gunned down several MSU students just hours before, Matthews said she still suffers from a “full-blown PTSD fracture” in her lower back from the hours spent crouching in her classroom.

“The fact that this is the second mass shooting that I have now lived through is incomprehensible,” Matthews said.

Since the public expression of any doubt about mass shooting stories is now punishable by a $3 billion fine in the land of free speech, let me hasten to say that I absolutely 100-percent believe that Miss Matthews survived the Sandy Hook mass shooting, the Michigan State mass shooting, the Holocaust, the sinking of the Titanic, and the Permian-Triassic mass extinction event.

In 2012, there were 32,690,000 elementary school students in the United States. That means there was a 1 in 217,933 chance of being a survivor or victim of Sandy Hook for anyone of elementary school age at the time.

In 2022, there are 15,900,000 students enrolled in college. 39,201 are enrolled at Michigan State University. That means there was a 1 in 405 chance of being a survivor or victim of the MSU shootings for anyone presently enrolled in college.

Ergo, the odds that Miss Matthews would survive both Sandy Hook and MSU is a mere one in 88,394,038 chance, which is more likely than a) winning the Powerball or b) being killed by a vending machine. So, there is no reason to doubt her incredible story, except for the bit about not actually having been of elementary school age at the time of the earlier event.