The secret triumph of the gamma

Steven Spielberg inadvertently confessed why he hates athletes, attractive adults, and Western Civilization in Interviews with Steven Spielberg:

The height of my wimpery came when we had to run a mile for a grade in elementary school, Spielberg said. The whole class of fifty finished, except for two people left on the track—me and a mentally retarded boy. Of course he ran awkwardly, but I was just never able to run.

I was maybe 40 yards ahead of him, and I was only 100 yards away from the finish line. The whole class turned and began rooting for the young retarded boy—cheering him, saying, ‘C’mon, c’mon, beat Spielberg! Run, run! It was like he came to life for the first time, and he began to pour it on but still not fast enough to beat me. And I remember thinking, ‘OK, now how am I gonna fall and make it look like I really fell?’

And I remember actually stepping on my toe and going face hard into the red clay of the track and actually scraping my nose. Everybody cheered when I fell, and then they began to really scream for this guy: ‘C’mon, John, c’mon, run, run!’ I got up just as John came up behind me, and I began running as if to beat him but not really win, running to let him win. We were nose to nose, and suddenly laid back a step, then half step. Suddenly he was ahead, then he was a chest ahead, then a length, and then he crossed the finish line ahead of me.

Everybody grabbed this guy, and threw him on their shoulders and carried him into the locker room,  and into the showers, and I stood there on the track field and cried my eyes out for five minutes. I’d never felt better and I’d never felt worse in my life.

And that’s why he’s subjected the world to thinly disguised pederasty and Holocaustianity sermons ever since. But at least the Secret King secretly won. The joke was on them. He wanted to come in last, you see….

Gamma, confirmed:

Is E.T. your imaginary revenge – turning the Nowhere Man into a hero?

Oh yeah, absolutely. When I began making E.T., I thought that maybe the thing to do was to go back and make life the way it should have been. How many kids, in their Walter Mitty imaginations, would love to save the frogs or kiss the prettiest girl in class? That’s every boy’s childhood fantasy.

Pedo, confirmed (allegedly):

Then I thought, what if I were ten years old again – where I’ve sort of been for thirty-four years anyway – and what if he needed me as much as I needed him. Wouldn’t that be a great love story?