Steve on Star Trek

This was simply too beatifully contemptuous not to highlight.

Star Trek is just the UFP’s version of Pravda, making their lycra-clad goons and minions out to be heroes and geniuses. But they weren’t, were they?

Picard: pompous slaphead who repeatedly got clowned on his own ship by Q, allowed himself to be captured at least twice – one of those times saw him giving vital intelligence to the Borg and lead directly to the deaths of millions of Federation citizens and servicemen.

Riker: this guy was offered his own command, but turned it down. That’s a huge red flag right there, but it gets worse. He stuffed himself with space doughnuts until potatohead O’Brien had to grease the Jeffries tubes, and let his dopey girlfriend cuck him with Worf. Whenever you saw Riker interact with fellow crewmen it was just awkward and unpleasant, he’s a weird, insecure, unlikeable fatbeard who keeps annoying the crew with his shitty saxophone like he’s Bill Clinton or something. Even his own dad hated him.

Worf: the special-needs Klingon, too stupid to live. A badass in his own mind who kept losing fist fights and could be easily tricked by small children or Data’s cat. No wonder the other Klingons wouldn’t let poor Worfy join in any Klingon games.

Dr Crusher: if she was such a good doctor, why was her husband dead? Check and mate. Spawned Wil Wheaton and had space sex with a space ghost that had previously serviced her grandmother. I’m not sure which is more shameful.

Data: autistic RealDoll who should’ve been recycled as something marginally more useful, such as a vending machine selling jumbo-sized adult diapers to David Gerrold.

Geordi LaForge: handicapped sex-pest who cyberstalked the woman who designed the Enterprise and only avoided an HR investigation because he’s black.

This was, mind you, the finest crew in Starfleet, which leads me to deduce the other ships were full of window-licking retards like Janeway.

In the meantime, much respect to ST:D, which is the first science fiction television show to make ALL of the characters GLBT. This is real progress I’m sure we can all support.