What is funny about this compilation of atheist arguments of God’s nonexistence is that it is extraordinarily difficult to tell some of the real arguments from the parodies. It reminds me of one of the things I always enjoy about atheist testimonials, and why I think it can be very helpful for young Christians to be exposed to them, is that they reliably reveal how stupid and irrational the average atheist’s rationale for his disbelief happens to be.
A few of my favorites:
ARGUMENT FROM THE SAGAN STANDARD (I)
(1) Extraordinary claims require extraordinary evidence.
(2) The claim that God exists is extraordinary.
(3) Therefore, any evidence supporting it ought to be extraordinary as well.
(4) I’m not sure what I mean by “extraordinary.”
(5) But whatever you come up with, it’s not going to work.
(6) Therefore, God does not exist.SIGMUND FREUD’S ARGUMENT FROM OEDIPUS
(1) The belief in God arises from the unconscious fear that your father
is going to castrate you when he finds out you have a desire to sleep
with your own mother.
(2) Obviously, only a crazy person would think that.
(3) Therefore, God does not exist.ARGUMENT FROM INFANTILE INTELLIGENCE (I)
(1) Everyone is born an atheist.
(2) Therefore, we should think like that.
(3) Therefore, God does not exist.SAM HARRIS’S IMAGINARY ARGUMENT
(1) Bad things happen.
(2) This means God is impotent, evil, or imaginary.
(3) If God is impotent, then He’s not powerful and thus doesn’t exist.
(4) If God is evil, then He’s not good and thus doesn’t exist.
(5) If God is imaginary, then God doesn’t exist.
(6) Now some theists claim God allows bad things to happen to bring about a greater good.
(7) This would mean God might still be omnipotent, omnibenevolent, and real.
(8) I don’t know any rational argument to disprove that.
(9) So, I’ll make this appeal to emotion: it’s callous to tell people that their suffering is meaningful.
(10) Therefore, God does not exist.ARGUMENT FROM MODAL LOGIC (II)
(1) I am an atheist.
(2) I do not know what modal logic is.
(3) Any proof for God’s existence that uses modal logic is not understood by me.
(4) If I don’t understand something, then I can make fun of it.
(5) Therefore, God does not exist.PARENTAL ARGUMENT (I)
(1) My daddy told me that God exists.
(2) I hate my daddy.
(3) Therefore, God does not exist.RICKY GERVAIS’S ARGUMENT FROM HIS ELDER BROTHER
(1) I used to believe in God.
(2) But my older brother didn’t.
(3) My mom told him to be quiet.
(4) Therefore, God does not exist.
I think the philosopher is missing one very important argument, however, an argument so incisive and indisputable that it can be utilized to win any debate on any subject. It is an argument so powerful, so convincing, and so conclusive that frankly, I’m surprised none of the major atheists have considered resorting to it in order to convince the ignorant, bigoted, religious masses of God’s nonexistence.
JOHN SCALZI’S ARGUMENT FROM DEGREE
(1) I am an atheist.
(2) I have a Bachelor’s Degree in Philosophy of Language.
(3) From the University of Chicago!
(4) Therefore, God does not exist.