The murderous bitterness or the inability to attract women? In any case, it’s an interesting glimpse into the despairing mind of a killer.
December 24, 2008:
Moving into Christmas again. No girlfriend since 1984, last Christmas with Pam was in 1983. Who knows why. I am not ugly or too weird. No sex since July 1990 either (I was 29). No shit! Over eighteen years ago. And did it maybe only 50-75 times in my life. Getting to think that a woman now would just, uh, get in the way of things. Isolated. I have extra money and enjoy traveling, too, wtih my 25-30 days of vacation. LA was the best! But going alone is not too fun. Invited to a party on Christmas day tomorrow. Seems about 15-25 people will actually show. I like her parties; I can meet new people and talk. Got the next 8 days off. I should have exit plan done and practiced by then. I know nothing will change, no matter how hard I try or what goals I set.
The most frightening thing about it, I think, is how relatively normal the tone of it is. There is none of the predator’s superiority complex of the serial killer or any rambling psychosis, it’s mostly a depressing tale of deep and abiding narcissistic loneliness. I’m only surprised that he didn’t shoot his domineering mother first.
UPDATE: The link is dead so I’ve removed it, but Josh has the whole thing posted in the comments.