Mailvox: bitterness and the girl tree

NW notes a pattern with regards to dating at the office and sexual harassment:

Please don’t assume I’m whining or anything. The following is more like a casual observation from patternist that is despairing just a little for people. [Consider the] funny SNL skit about sexual harassment. The moral? Just don’t even associate with girls unless you’re good looking. What’s sad is how true this seems to becoming. Once upon a time when you asked someone out, the worst they could say is no. Now the worst is losing your job for “sexually harassing” someone or outright being thrown in jail.

Personal aside: yes I may have some light Asberger’s syndrome myself but I at least recognize that I’m awkward and bad at social situations. Still at one place I tried to be friendly and fit in only to later get a warning for sexual harassment. (still don’t know what I did) So I just stopped talking to everyone.

Anyway, reading posts like this or ones where you talk about women always being the pursued and I can’t help but wonder… maybe the game is too rigged? One article spoke about how a lot of trouble in the middle-east arises from polyagamy because the older men are sapping up most of the brides, leaving a large segment of young, single (and bored) men. Meanwhile in the west it seems like we’re also getting a large segment of young, single men only here they are actively punished for trying to rectify the situation.

You asked: “Which came first? The murderous bitterness or the inability to attract women?”

With the way things are, isn’t it a bigger surprise that there isn’t more murderous bitterness out there?

I don’t think it’s quite fair to assert, as the SNL skit did, that being attractive is the only way for men to be able to ask women out without sexually harassing them. There’s also being rich, as well as being famous and being powerful. But it’s true, the Tom Bradys of the world are permitted behavior that would see another man lose his job. It’s not fair, but then, what is? Of course, once you recognize that unfairness is inherent to the system, you will realize that men also have an advantage, which is that women don’t have a reliable way of knowing who is rich and powerful, and who is not. Players exploit this information gap all the time, which of course leads women to complain that those men aren’t playing fair. But again, what is?

Anyhow, the main thing to keep in mind is that women despise desperation and weakness more than anything. They view it as creepy; therefore a man who sends off signals of being weak is by definition a probable harasser. It’s almost absurd how a man who stops viewing women as beautiful pedestal-dwelling dispensers of love and social approval and instead looks at them as prey becomes almost instantly more attractive to them. Single women are complicated and dynamic, which in male terms means that because what they want tends to change rapidly, there is no point in putting any stock in what they say at any given moment. And once you figure out that women find your honesty unattractive… why are you still being honest with them? Seriously, Asperger’s or not, is this difficult? As I have had occasion to tell both men and women: “Sometimes people say things that aren’t true.”

When honesty is acceptable, women usually want you to tell them what you want; they don’t want you to always be asking them what they want. They often want you to take responsibility for their decisions for them. That’s why they have such common fantasies about being ravished and swept away and so forth. So, to the extent that a man’s behavior is not in line with the way women’s desires orient – which is very often directly opposed to not only what they say they want, but what they think they want – a man’s behavior will usually be self-defeating.

For deeper insight into what makes women tick on a sexual level, I recommend reading Roissy or some of the Pick-Up Artist sites. Like good predators, they study their prey incessantly and make a point of knowing them intimately. I don’t recommend their attitude lifestyle because it is both immoral and ultimately unfulfilling, but it is at least an antidote to the misinformation under which so many men labor. But there’s a very good reason why women are naturally drawn to men like me and Tucker Max; it’s BECAUSE we’re independent bastards, it’s not DESPITE that.

Now, that independence came naturally to me because Spacebunny was, and is, the only woman I’ve ever loved or even cared much about. But we’re not talking about love, we’re talking about initial male-female interactions. The key is that you can’t ACT independent, you have to BE independent. For most men, it’s a process, but you can get there in time. Never forget that there are plenty of girls on the girl tree. If one happens to be out of reach, pluck another. Remember, it’s not love you’re feeling, it’s just physical attraction and momentary infatuation.

So, I have no sympathy for the bitter nice guys. They’re stupid, they’re stubborn, they’re reactive, and they’re naive. It’s not hard to understand why no woman wants them to bend her over and take her hard. Because, let’s face it, they probably wouldn’t anyhow. As PJ O’Rourke once pointed out, women fantasize about Nazis, they don’t fantasize about nice, sensitive liberals.