The Mysterious Case of the Missing Heads

The Original Cyberpunk ponders a literary point:

Perhaps pro-military was the wrong word. What I’m trying to understand is why heroic stories *only* seem to work as fantasy or history.

Well, I think Conan-style heroism might be a bit much in the romance genre. Mystery, too, would be problematic:

Watson: “I say, Holmes, who do you think beheaded and disembowled these poor men?”
Holmes: “Elementary, my dear Watson. Judging by the pattern of these bloody footprints, I’d say that the killer was a barbarian warrior armed with a scimitar. He is favoring his left side, most likely because he is carrying a naked woman with large breasts over that shoulder, and if you had noted those oddly discoloured droplets of blood there and there, you would have known that he has forgotten to clean his blade, which by my reckoning was forged in Outer Tungustia.
Watson: “Great Scott! How did you know his scimitar was smithed in Tungustia?”
Holmes: “Only iron ore from Tungustia reacts with blood in such a manner as to leave a tell-tale discoloration. If it had been greenish, then it would have been Inner Tungustia. But as you can see it is tinged yellow, ergo….”
Watson: “What a brain you have, Holmes! Still, if the dripping blood leads to the east, then why are we running due west?”
Holmes: “Watson, do I really have to do all the thinking around here?”
Watson: “No, wait, don’t tell me! Since the earth is spherical, you’re obviously planning to cut off his retreat by encircling the planet from the other way around! Brilliant!”
Holmes: “Quite to the contrary, dear Doctor. An important aspect of my philosophy of which you have hitherto remained ignorant centers on avoiding armed barbarians given to impromptu experiments in vivisection at all costs. And now that we’ve put three well-populated city blocks between us and our Outer Tungustian dissection enthusiast, shall we stop for a good English pick-me-up of cocaine and crumpets?”

As for heroic chick lit, that’s a basic contradiction in terms. Because men are bad and their bad, evil, selfish, behavior that reminds more highly evolved beings of pigs is the manure-enriched soil in which a strong, independent flower who doesn’t need men will blossom and be appreciated for her own inherent flowerness.