In the eyes of the canonical feminist, men are superflous… until reality trumps theory and unpleasant work is afoot. I was disturbed from my morning cappucino yesterday by a full-throated canine chorus which indicated that we had an unexpected visitor approaching the door. It was a delivery man, however, it was our neighbor, who informed me that the dog on the next street over was out of his gated yard and the owners appeared to be gone for the day.
I didn’t have to ask her why she didn’t simply put the dog in the yard and close the gate, because this particular dog is rather fearsome in appearance, the terror of small children and nervous women alike. He’s a big German Shepherd with all the typical neuroses of the white variant and then some, and he barks and snaps wildly at everyone who passes by. He does this from behind the safety of the gate, though, a low one that he could effortlessly leap if he ever had any intention of attacking anyone. He looks like a ferocious white wolf and sounds very impressive indeed, but he has the heart of a particularly cowardly chicken.
Still, it is unwise to let a fearbiter roam free when the fearbiter’s jaws are large enough to take off a hand, and besides, I didn’t want the stupid dog to get hit by a car. So, I told our neighbor that I’d take care of it and sent her on her way, put the Ridgeback on a leash, grabbed an umbrella and headed out. I thought about putting on a pair of gloves, but reasoned that between the Ridgeback and the umbrella, the chances I’d actually have to manhandle him were negligible.
As it turned out, the mere realization that the Ridgeback and I intended to directly approach him sent the big bad German Shepherd into a panic, and before we had gotten to within ten feet of him, he turned tail and fled for the safety of a pine tree well inside the fence. The Ridgeback was visibly disappointed to have lost her potential playmate, but she was assuaged by much praise and many affectionate shakes of the snout. We headed home together with the deep satisfaction of a job well done.