Mailvox: when TV is a mirror

A 30-something female lawyer writes in:

I just had to write you tonight because of your recent posts about 30 something women having trouble finding husbands. I happened to watch The Bachelor Paris tonight. It was the first show where the Batchelor sends home 13 women. What happened in this show was a very illuminating example of what you have written.

One of the women was Allie G., a 33 year old Oncologist. The Bachelor is a Doctor and it was obvious that Allie thought that she was a shoo-in, because what male doctor wouldn’t appreciate a female doctor? During the show, when the Bachelor meets and talks with the women, Allie told him that she was ready to reproduce because her eggs were getting old.

Needless to say, Allie didn’t get a rose. I knew she wasn’t going to take that lying down when I saw the look on her face. It was apparent that she was disgusted with the Bachelor’s choices (most of whom appear to be in their twenties). How dare he turn down a DOCTOR.

Sure enough, the next scenes show Allie out cussing and griping to the other women about how she’s tried internet dating, matchmaking services and everything else to try to find a husband. She bemoaned the fact that men didn’t want her. She expressed that she worked hard and focused on her career and that men should want her for that and that the Bachelor was like every other f*@#&ing male doctor she’s ever known. (In fact, every other word was bleeped at that point) It wasn’t FAIR that she couldn’t get a husband. Look at her credentials!

Then, she’s interviewed alone and she says basically the same kinds of things, including that she couldn’t believe that he picked the other women when he should have picked her, a doctor.

She then goes and confronts the Bachelor and demands that he tell her why he didn’t pick her. He explains that her comment about being ready to reproduce was the reason. She goes into attack mode telling him that he should be ready to reproduce and why wasn’t he ready. Of course, she doesn’t listen to his comment that he doesn’t put the cart before the horse.

She storms off and gripes to the other women about how he should be ready to reproduce because he is in his thirties.

The show ends with her going on and on in the same vein with a show staff member (male )who is trying to escape her onslaught.

This was truly pitiful and I felt really sorry for her in her desperation. She bought into the garbage that men should want women who put career first.

I bought into that too, so I understand her confusion and disbelief when men didn’t flock around her because she was the pretty, smart, successful doctor. That only happens in movies and on television. She, like many professional women, forgot to develop those attributes men are really looking for. I’m not sure what those are, but I know they aren’t the ones upon which doctors and lawyers focus.

I just had to write you about this, it was so in line with what you have been saying. I can’t write about it at my blog because I’m afraid my parents will see it and think that I am talking about myself. Maybe you could write about it.

(And yes, I realize that The Bachelor is a very silly show)

And I now know far more about The Bachelor than I’d ever dreamed… I had no idea it was still being televised. I do find her description of the oncologist’s reaction to be more than a little amusing, though. “I’ve done everything I’m supposed to, now I’m entitled to True Love and on my schedule, $*(%%&!”

It’s never pretty when reality intrudes upon fantasy.