A few thoughts while at the gym this morning:
1. Recognize that your preferences will change regularly.
Right now, I hate doing bench – which is weird, I usually love it – and I dislike pull-ups too, but I like doing curls and dumbbell shoulder press. I LOVE dumbbell shoulder press, if you do only one exercise this Christmas season, do that. So, if I’m really not in the mood to get out of the house, I tell myself that if I go, I don’t have to do any of the exercises I don’t want to do. That way, you get something done and you keep your fitness momentum going even if your workout is sub-optimal.
You don’t have to worry about becoming a misshapen freak, because soon enough, your preferences will change again and you’ll be wondering why you hated one thing while being unable to figure out what it was about another thing that you liked so much. Except for dumbbell shoulder press. That’s like sex. Even when it’s bad, it’s still really good.
2. Set a specific short-term goals and make a game of it.
I’m not talking about general targets, like hitting a certain weight or waist size. That’s too nebulous, it’s not active enough. Pick something that is related to an exercise you enjoy at the moment and hammer on it. And the weirder, the better. Right now, I’m into curls, so I set a goal of curling Spacebunny ten times without creatine. That seemed optimistic at first, but only a few weeks later I’m within striking distance, having nailed it eight times. It’s now a race to see which will happen first; hitting my goal or blowing out my left wrist.
I hit ten reps just below her weight today, so I’m thinking about asking her to go on a bread-and-water diet until Tuesday, then weighing her and declaring victory.
3. Do something every day. Don’t do anything that requires a day to recover.
It’s a marathon, not a sprint. Take your time between sets. Watch some football. Read a book. The Perfect Aryan Male and I used to do seven-hour Saturday workouts, although only two and one-half hours were spent actually working out. The rest was watching football, steaming, hitting the sauna, having drinks and hitting on the waitresses at the club. Sure, it wasn’t exactly the most efficient workout, but it was effective and at the end of the day, we’d still spent a monstrous amount of time on the weights and whatnot.
4. Be reasonable about cutting down on your food intake.
Instead of eating nothing, decide what you want to eat and then cut it in half. If you feel like seconds, drink a glass of water or make a protein shake. Those shakes will fill you up, especially if you’ve just eaten half a sandwich. Set aside Friday evenings for a cheat day, do a big Friday night workout and then pig out. I recommend Khan’s Mongolian Barbeque for Minnesotans. I don’t think anyone there will ever forget Big Chilly, all 6’1″, 165 pounds of him, outeating the U.S national shotput and discus champion there.
5. Free weights are the key
Cardio is great. Cardio is necessary. But if you really want to get lean, you need to build up your muscle mass. Muscle burns energy even when you are sleeping; TPAM once infuriated a girl who was trying to get him to go for a run by proving to her that he burned more calories sitting on the couch watching TV than she did while running. Of course, he has triceps the size of my head, so you may have to actually go for a run once a week.
6. A recumbent exercise bike and Madden is the ultimate workout combo.
But you have to be careful. I once got a little too caught up in my season and played three games straight. When I tried to get up, it felt as if my legs had been set on fire. I finally had to roll off the bike and lie there until the muscles in my legs stopped spasming.