On the unfairness of storks

A 39-year old woman finally gets around to considering children:

As certain as I am that now is the right time for me to have my children, it’s hard not to blame myself for how difficult it’s turning out to be. My husband tells me we don’t know if it was any easier for our friends because no one talks about the trying, only the success….

So, now that you know, what do you say next time you see me? Don’t say anything. I’ll tell you when I’m pregnant, and in the meantime you can stop wondering whether every decision I make means I am. After all, I don’t ask you if your interest in Gyrotonics is just a sign that your kids are growing up and you have nothing else to do. I don’t blame you for being able to have your beautiful children. And I’m learning not to blame myself for my difficulty having my own.

This woman would appear to be more than a little slow. She’s still convinced it’s the right moment for her to have children, all evidence to the contrary notwithstanding. But if it’s not her fault, then whose fault is it? After all, decades of sex education classes have taught us that babies don’t simply appear out of the sky, carefully dangled from the beaks of storks, right? Perhaps society is to blame….

This is simply an evasive, feeble and ultimately futile attempt at self-deception. She knows perfectly well it’s her fault; life is about nothing if not opportunity cost.

If a woman decides that she wants to have children – a decision that everyone concerned with the long-term fate of the West should wholeheartedly support in every way – it’s really not all that difficult. A few suggestions:

1. Don’t engage in casual dating relationships after eighteen. They tend to keep one occupied in a manner that prevents one from examining more serious possibilities.
2. Make your potential relationships the top priority. If you put your career first, there’s a reasonable chance that a career is all you’ll have at forty.
3. Settle earlier rather than later. I can’t tell you how many women I know who have blown off perfectly decent men in their late teens and early twenties. Most of them who are now married are married to men I would consider to be of lower quality than those they blew off. Remember, your choices narrow as you get older, while men’s choices broaden.
4. Let those around you know that marriage and children is your goal. Too many women, fearing the wrath of the Sisterhood, secretly wish for it while publicly and piously professing feminist-approved cant. Screw the Sisterhood. They’re stupid, toothless bitches with third-rate minds and they don’t give a damn about you, your hopes or your dreams.
5. Don’t hesitate to end relationships that aren’t leading towards marriage or with men who are anything less than completely positive about the prospect of children. Men are very good at learning how to string women along and they know they’ll have no problem replacing you when you finally show your cards. Don’t confuse conflict avoidance for malleability.
6. Shed your toxic friends as well as those loyal to the Sisterhood. Misery loves company and miserable women love to make everyone else miserable. They’ll do their best to sabotage any potential relationship with a decent man.