Mailvox: Don’t get fooled again

KS explains why he won’t remarry:

I found the timing of her divorce declaration to be interesting, to say the least. Six weeks before her graduation, and six weeks before she was supposed to get a job according to our long-standing agreement, she announced she wanted a divorce….

I cried myself to sleep every night for the next several months. I cried until I had no more tears left to cry, until there was simply no more sorrow and emotion left in me. My whole world, my children, the little people who I loved more than anything in the world and for whom I would lay down my own life, were gone. Vanished. They were gone not because I was dishonest or had an affair or intentionally abandoned them. They were gone simply because my ex-wife decided they should be.

Since my divorce I have had seven offers of marriage from six different women (one of them asked me twice), despite the fact that I have told each of these women up front that I would never be interested in marriage again. I have refused marriage not because I thought these women weren’t nice people, but because I simply don’t trust the courts to be fair or honest in the event of another divorce….

As I have had the chance to relate my story to friends and work associates over the years, I have frequently been asked the rhetorical question, usually by someone who has not experienced the horrors that I have experienced, “So, you’re against marriage because you had one bad experience?” My response is usually to ask how many experiences I am required to have in order to know that the institution is hostile to my interests and doesn’t meet my needs.

So I’m opposed to marriage not because of “one bad experience” or “one bad person”, as though my position is somehow childish or ill-considered. Quite to the contrary. I’m opposed to marriage because of extensive, ongoing experience with one bad system that I do not think will change in the foreseeable future…. Since the family courts did not honor either the written law during my divorce nor the oral contracts that were made during my marriage, I have no reason to believe that they would now honor written prenuptial agreements or private contracts, either. I simply don’t trust the family court system, and will not place myself under its jurisdiction again.

KS cuts to the heart of the matter. The reason men need to be far more careful about deciding to get married doesn’t have anything to do with their feelings for a specific woman or even women in general. It has to do with the wisdom of voluntarily sticking your head into a quasi-legal system that is designed to destroy men and their families.

There are a number of ways to protect yourself, of course. Overseas investments are not only wise from a financial point of view, but will almost surely reduce the risk of losing everything in a divorce. If the woman has no idea where the money is and knows that the minute she files, you’re off to the Cayman Islands, she’s probably going to think twice before cutting her financial throat. Even if you’re not rich, you can use an offshore account as a bargaining chip; after all, she doesn’t need to know that there’s only $500.00 in your Bahamian account until after she trades you custody of the kids for it.

This isn’t to say that you should behave in a Machiavellian manner from the first day of the honeymoon – although if you are diving in the Caymans, why not open an account there while you’re at it – but a divorce seldom comes out of nowhere. The time to begin defensive operations is when the signs start appearing, not when the papers get served.

And what are those signs? From the descriptions of divorces I’ve been receiving in the mail, they include:

1. total loss of interest in sex (this means 3x per year, not 3x per week)
2. weight gain
3. loss of interest in the children, their activities and appearances
4. scheduling frequent activities alone in the evening
5. laziness, especially a refusal to work part-time when it’s needed
6. disinclination to do simple household chores
7. noticeable increase in bitterness
8. spending majority of time with a toxic, man-hating friend

Gentlemen, given that you have nothing to lose but your house, bank accounts, children and credit rating, it just might behoove you to pay a little attention to this sort of thing should it crop up in your marriage.