A Vox apology

To my loyal readers,

I would like to apologize to you all for accepting the $800,000.00 I was paid by the Department of Homeland Defense to support the War on Terror over the last three years As you all know, I have long been staunchly opposed to committing terrorist actions leading to the great loss of life, and because I sincerely believe that it is wrong to murder innocent men, women and children, I thought it would be acceptable to accept the money provided by the department in return for providing former Secretary Tom Ridge with sexual favors.

The fact is that Mr. Ridge is a very attractive man, if you are attracted to men who look like pre-Neanderthalic ur-gorillas, and I would have gladly worn that emerald chiffon dress with the six-inch spike heels for him even if I wasn’t being paid somewhere in the vicinity of $400,000.00 per War on Terror supporting action.

But the recent media uproar has convinced me that accepting the money was wrong, and so please believe me that when I say in the future, you can rest assured that my defense of Homeland Security is not based on a mercenary foundation. I hope none of you will lose confidence in me over this momentary peccadillo and I hope you will all be more interested than ever in my forthcoming book: CALL ME DEAR LEADER, in which I will reveal how I am the only syndicated columnist who is wise enough, pure enough and of a sufficiently Numenorian bloodline to be trusted to tell you what to think, say and do.

You may now kneel and kiss my signet ring,