I think I’ll skip Troy

I was pretty psyched to see this cinematic version of the Iliad. But Briseis kills Agammemnon? Are you kidding me? No Cassandra? No Patroclus? A sensitive Achilles, fine, but one in love with his battle booty? I don’t think so.

The arrogance of film directors is simply incredible. You’d think they would have learned something from the massive success of The Lord of the Rings and The Passion of the Christ: stick to the story as closely as you can and you will be hugely rewarded. I mean, face it, directors, if you were really storytellers, you’d be writing novels, you wouldn’t be directing movies.

I watched the making of Van Helsing one afternoon, and Space Bunny and I were cracking up at the ludicrous concept. How on Earth do you manage to go wrong with Dracula, a huge budget and Kate Beckinsale? There are so many great stories out there, and all a filmmaker has to do is embrace and execute the vision of the writer and he’ll likely be very successful. Never have so many been so richly rewarded for so little.