You’ve never heard of teleconferencing?

Charles Stross lists a few of the president’s requests to Her Majesty’s Government for his upcoming trip.

1. The entire London underground railway system to be shut down for the duration of the visit (apparently in response to fears that suicide bombers might hijack a tube train and blow it up under the President’s feet)

2. That US military aircraft, including helicopters and ground attack aircraft, be allowed to patrol London’s airspace

3. That 250 Secret Service agents, including snipers, who will be travelling with the President be granted diplomatic immunity from prosecution in the event they shoot and kill civilians (whether deliberately or by accident)

4. That the Presidential security detachment should include units armed with miniguns (read: high cyclic rate machine guns)

5. Closure of a large chunk of central London (to the point where Cabinet staff are being advised to “work from home” for the duration of the visit, if possible)

I wouldn’t blame the Brits if they took one look at this list and decided, you know, maybe we can get this done by phone.