Rules of Writing IX: good writing and defective style

While I didn’t think a great deal of magnum opus, my objections were not to the stylings of David Foster Wallace’s prose, and since he is still recognized as the creme de la creme of our generation’s New York literati, he serves as an adequate guide to literary style. He described good writing so:

In the broadest possible sense, writing well means to communicate
clearly and interestingly and in a way that feels alive to the reader.
Where there’s some kind of relationship between the writer and the
reader — even though it’s mediated by a kind of text — there’s an
electricity about it.

Notice that his definition is intrinsically subjective and determined by the reader. This is why various claims that a competent writer is stylistically terrible while another one is wonderful are, for the most part, mere posturing. Now, that doesn’t mean that one cannot be a technically bad writer, since there are basic grammatical rules to every language, words have specific meanings and can therefore be used improperly, and sentences or paragraphs can be strung together in a variety of incoherent and otherwise incompetent ways.

But the fact that the idea communicated is distasteful or that it is communicated in a way that is uninteresting or feels leaden to a reader does not, contra the blatherings of the would-be literary crowd of the SF/F community, make it bad writing. No matter how they preen and posture, David Foster Wallace himself is telling them that they are wrong, and since they are no more than literary wannabes, they have no counterarguments to this appeal to authority.

This subjective element doesn’t mean that all functional prose is of equal beauty or equally effective. Not at all. One need only compare the difference between my pedestrian style versus John C. Wright’s sparkling literary pyrotechnics to see that. But it does mean that in order to be legitimately considered bad writing, as opposed to merely not-great writing, there has to be something technically incorrect about it. So, for example, I’ll turn to Ayn Rand, to whose prose deficiencies I have myself referred. Here is a randomly selected paragraph from Atlas Shrugged.

One by one, the men who had built new towns in Colorado, had departed into some silent unknown, from which no voice or person had yet returned. The towns they had left were dying. Some of the factories they built had remained ownerless and locked; others had been seized by the local authorities; the machines in both stood still.

She had felt as if a dark map of Colorado were spread before her like a traffic control panel, with a few lights scattered through its mountains. One after another, the lights had gone out. One after another, the men had vanished. There had been a pattern about it, which she felt, but could not define; she had become able to predict, almost with certainty, who would go next and when; she was unable to grasp the “why?”

In my estimation, Ayn Rand’s chief stylistic problem was her overreliance upon the past perfect simple tense and the passive voice. While her sentences are more or less grammatically correct, and therefore not, strictly speaking, erroneous, the effect is stultifying. Count the astonishing number of “had VERB” instances in the two paragraphs. There are 11 in only seven sentences. Her prose is so passive it is lying supine, flat upon its back, drooling.

Moreover, it is not used in an entirely correct manner. The past perfect simple tense is to be used “when describing an event that occurred before something else followed”. But what follows the failure to return of a voice or person, what follows the factories remaining ownerless, when those events are still ongoing? Also, if something is unknown, how can it be silent?  It is the men who are silent, not the unknown. It would have been acceptable to say “some unknown silence”, but it is not correct to say “some silent unknown”. And how does a voice return, via the telephone?

“The men left and were never heard from again.” That would be a much simpler way to say it. She’s shooting for a flowery, more dramatic and haunting effect, of course, but she lays it on too heavily and it comes off poorly. It’s also structurally inconsistent to switch from who and when to “the why?”. This is Rand’s flair for the dramatic asserting itself at the wrong time, she should have simply said: “she was unable to grasp why”, although she could have also, less gracefully, chosen to utilize the “who?” and the “when?”. These are but a few of the many such errors that litter her writing; they do not make her a bad writer (style being only one of the four major facets of writing), but they do make her an observably flawed stylist.

I’m not cherry-picking here. I intentionally chose a passage at random knowing that I would find some such deficiencies, although I did not think to discover such an abundance of them. In fact, that is the most fair way to judge a writer’s technical competence, as intentionally focusing on one passage that one finds infelicitous is not only indicative of negative intent, but can be completely misleading. Furthermore, most assertions of bad writing, particularly when a controversial writer is concerned, are provably false. Consider:

The first thing one picks up on when starting Atlas Shrugged is the
poverty of the prose. Ayn Rand, no matter her or her followers’ opinion
otherwise, just isn’t a very good writer. The language is plodding,
non-lyrical, and often often awkward. For example, in one scene she
writes, “He stood slouching against the bar.” To my knowledge, one
stands against a bar or one slouches against a bar-but one does not
stand slouching.

This is amusing, not only due to the phrase “often often awkward” or because the posturing would-be critic only supplies one example, but because he doesn’t quote the text correctly or provide a legitimate example. As another observer noted: “About the “slouching,” the actual sentence is “Bertram Scudder stood
slouched against the bar.” That’s perfectly sensible: a person can
slouch while sitting or standing, and in doing so the person might be
leaning against a bar.” Since “to slouch” means “to sit or stand with an awkward, drooping posture” it is perfectly reasonable to clarify whether the slouching individual is sitting or standing.

Now, as I’ve already pointed out, there are legitimate grounds to criticize the stylistic facet of Rand’s writing. But very few of those who claim she is a bad writer ever seem to reference them. In a similar manner, I have been vastly amused by the way in which my critics have focused, laser-like, on a single passage from “Opera Vita Aeterna” that has been repeatedly cited to support the claim that I am a terrible writer. This is the exhibit one of the execrable writing they condemn:

The cold autumn day was slowly drawing to a close. The pallid sun was descending, its ineffective rays no longer sufficient to hold it up in the sky or to penetrate the northern winds that gathered strength with the whispering promise of the incipient dark. The first of the two moons was already visible high above the mountains. Soon Arbhadis, Night’s Mistress, would unveil herself as well.

While there are no technical errors of the sort we see in Rand’s writing, there is obviously something a little strange there. The implication that the sun’s rays are physically holding up the sun, and that night is falling because those rays are no longer strong enough to do so, will likely strike the reader as weirdly literal.

And if the story proceeded into more similarly clumsy metaphors, one might reasonably conclude that the writer has an overly literal mind and is technically deficient in that regard. But it doesn’t; even the most dismissive critics have noted that it’s only this first passage that contains anything of this sort. Moreover, instead of proceeding into a pedestrian tale of swords, sorcery, and derring-do, it’s a rather unusual story where nothing seems to happen and almost everyone dies violently, in addition to this dichotomy is a short spelunking into pseudo-Thomistic philosophy sufficiently sophisticated to lead critics into mistakenly concluding it is cribbed, and to top it all off, the ending is ambiguous. So, it should be clear that the writer does not have the overly literal mind suspected at the start.

This doesn’t matter to the superficial reader only looking for an excuse to dismiss the writer, of course. The pedestrian critic will simply moan about the supposedly awful metaphor and think no further. That’s exactly the role he is supposed to play. But the ideal reader will wonder about the seeming contradiction observed. He might know the author well enough to realize that the author’s mind is more Machiavellian than literal, and possessed of a cruel sense of humor.  And he would certainly know that the author’s observable familiarity with medieval philosophy would tend to indicate an awareness of the naturalistic literalism of that era.

Or he might not. Regardless, what is so funny to me is that the very people who think Monty Python is so clever and funny when they portray the sun walking on two legs below the horizon in a movie don’t recognize the exact same thing when it isn’t presented in a juvenile, full-color cartoon format. As it happens, the critics were correct to react to the passage in a hostile manner, they simply didn’t recognize how it defines my relationship to the type of reader they represent, which is to say, my unconcealed contempt for their dim little minds.

I’m more interested in ideas than style. I’m certainly not one of those writers, like Ayn Rand, who claims that every comma is sacred and placed with perfect intent, but as a general rule, it is safe to conclude that something seems a little strange, there is a message to someone, somewhere, being sent. Even if it is a simple one that could have been just as easily delivered with a single finger.

In the wake of Robin Williams’s suicide, David Brooks pleaded for mercy for the creators: “My plea here is for people to give the needed space to artists and
performers to fail every now and then, and to understand how exposed
someone feels when trying something new. The trolls, the Twitter
executioners and the like should save their savagery for those who are
famous for being famous.”

I could not disagree more. Bring it on. Wax eloquent on Twitter and on your blogs about what a terrible writer I am, what a terrible person I am. Open up your hate and let it flow into me.


Once Our Land

As it happens, once our land
Was guaranteed the upper hand.
We ruled the seas from here to there
And landed armies everywhere.
The Kaiser, Hitler, Ho Chi Minh
No enemy could hope to win.
Our cities far from foreign shores,
Our people safe from far-off wars
Grew fat in their security
From sea to ever-shining sea.

And so it was we thought to share
Our good fortune as we could spare
The sacred seeds of liberty
Blooming on blood-watered tree.
We disregarded Europe’s classes
And embraced the huddled masses
Come one, come all, out went the call
As hubris presages a fall,
For did not Man want to be free
And dwell in true equality?

German, Italian, Irish too,
Norwegian, Swedish, Dutch, and Jew,
They came to seek a better life
Escaping all that Old World strife.
And yet, they did not understand
The rights of every Englishman,
The Common Law was mystery
To grandchildren of serfs unfree.
And so they swore to flag and place
While seeking to transform the base.

Whatever happened, we had got
Atomic bombs, and they did not.
But then came Nineteen Sixty-Five
When sons of refugees contrived
To open doors to all the races
Black and brown and yellow faces.
Thus assured prosperity
We gave away technology,
We ruined universities
While lauding our diversities.

God was dead or so we heard
And Nation just a racist word
We learned a new and nobler truth
Built on a dream of vibrant youth
Our jobs went sailing overseas
And to incoming H1Bs
Then aliens invaded schools
We realized that we’d been fools.
At last we saw the dreadful fact
Of copybook gods coming back.

Once we had the Maxim Gun
Whatever, so does everyone.
Now we live in exciting times
And pay the price for history’s crimes.


1939 Hugo Awards

My votes, as indicated in my recommendations. Bold indicates a winner.

Best Novel
Out of the Silent Planet by C. S. Lewis
The Sword in the Stone by T.H. White

Best Novella
Anthem by Ayn Rand
Who Goes There? by Don A Stuart

Best Novelette
“Rule 18” by Clifford D. Simak

Best Short Story
“Hollerbochen’s Dilemma” by Ray Bradbury
“How We Went to Mars” By Arthur C. Clarke

Best Editor, Short Form
John W. Campbell

Best Fan Writer
Ray Bradbury

Rather pleased about those first two (on the bottom). Campbell was the one in which I was most interested. I’d quite like to see Simak and Lewis win, although I wouldn’t object to E.E. Smith winning Best Novel for Galactic Patrol.

HG Wells won Best Dramatic Presentation for War of the Worlds. I voted for that too, but then, I’d be shocked if anyone didn’t.

UPDATE: Hmmm. The Sword in the Stone?  I had it third on my ballot, but a retelling of Arthurian legend over the seminal science fiction space opera and a true SF classic? But he seems to be a favorite of the Moorcock-inspired crowd and I suppose a socially impaired British agnostic is always going to be viewed more favorably by the fandom crowd than a Christian apologist, even a British one. But I really would have thought they’d go for Smith, not White.

Three out of six isn’t bad, but my take on this is that the Blue SF vote is still pretty small; it’s enough to serve as a swing vote, but probably won’t have much of an effect on Sunday. Regardless we’ll find out soon enough.

UPDATE 2: Stats are out. It’s a rough metric, but there appear to be 300 hardcore Pink votes who voted No Award over Anthem vs 160 Blue who voted it and Hollerbochen’s Dilemma first. Just out of curiosity, I was interested to note that Out of the Silent Planet came in second, with 555 votes to 499 for Galactic Patrol which finished third.


US women have more legal rights than men

Judgy Bitch punctures an equality myth by simply referring to the law:

I’ve had an opportunity lately to speak to a lot of feminists about why so many young women are rejecting feminism, and one theme that has come up repeatedly is that feminism is interested in equal rights for everyone. I have yet to meet a single feminist who was not completely astonished to discover that not only do women have equal rights to men, they actually have more rights than men. Most feminists will backpedal when confronted with that reality and try to justify why they are deserving of more rights than men, but the stark fact remains that in 2014, women do indeed have more rights than men. Here are five legally enshrined rights that women have and men do not:

1. Women have the right to genital integrity

Regardless of how you personally feel about the practice of circumcision (I personally find it barbaric, cruel and completely unjustifiable), the legal fact is that infant girls are protected against any genital cutting of any kind and infant boys are not.  Many feminists will argue that female genital mutilation (FGM) is a magnitude of brutality beyond male genital mutilation and while that may be true, I do not find the “it’s only a little bit brutal” argument to be very compelling. It’s like saying cutting off a toe is okay because cutting off a foot is much worse. Ultimately, the argument is immaterial to the fact that women have the legal right to be protected from having their body parts sliced off. Men do not

She’s taking the same approach I did to proving that religion doesn’t cause war. The rhetorically minded think that by ceaselessly yapping and conjuring up spurious logics, they can prove the unprovable. They can’t. A little dialectic bomb always suffices to blow away the obscuring fortress of words that they’ve woven, and with which they’ve confused the less insightful. 

The fact, the undeniable fact, is that if women wish to claim they support equality, they need to remove these legal rights granted to women and not granted to men. And there are considerably more. Just to give one more example, women are have the right of due process when accused of rape. Men on college campuses do not, a right that some young men are fighting for even now.

Judgy Bitch has demonstrated the facts. To be pro-equality, you must be anti-feminist, because feminism is observably anti-legal equality.


A nonexistent nation

A commenter at Pharyngula doesn’t understand that there are more than two sides in America these days. Considerably more:

nich, 12 August 2014 at 9:15 pm
In fact, speaking of the fucking Bundy brigade, where the fuck are all the freedom fighters using their precious 2nd amendment rights to protect the citizenry from tyranny? They’ll show up armed to the teeth to protect some fucking cows and keep the darkies on their side of the border, but the government actually rolls up in armored vehicles to squash a legitimate protest and it’s fucking crickets from these clowns.

Of course it’s “fucking crickets”. The legitimate protest is not being conducted by their people. “American citizen” is now as meaningless a term as “citizen of the world” or “member of the human race”. The “darkies” in Ferguson who are, quite rightly in my opinion, protesting the latest murder of one of their own by the badge gang, have absolutely nothing in common with the armed, civilized freedom fighters who successfully withstood the federal forces at the Bundy ranch.

It’s not even an “enemy of my enemy” situation, because the Missouri police are not the U.S. Department of the Interior’s Bureau of Land Management.

There is no nation in America any longer. The Left shattered whatever post-Civil War remnants of it remained in 1965, and it is gradually discovering that its fictitious “melting pot”, its romantic mythology of an “idea nation”, will not long survive the reality of differing peoples harboring radically different ideas inside the same borders. The armed white Christians in America will fight to defend themselves when finally forced to do so, but they’re no more likely to fight for African-Americans in Missouri than they are for African-Africans in Rwanda or the Congo. Or than any of those Africans were willing to show up to fight for a European-American rancher in Nevada.

I very much doubt that many, if any, of the Bundy Brigade support the Missouri police. But why should they risk their lives or shed any blood in the interest of defending those who are not their kind? After all, the police and the federal agents are American citizens too.

I’ve been reading Max Hasting’s book on World War I. It’s interesting, even though I disagree with his core perspective on who kicked it all off. The USA is, in some respects, in a position similar to the Austro-Hungarian Empire in 1900. The analogy is far from perfect, but the key similarity is that of a fundamentally divided multi-ethnic empire with incompetent, overly centralized leadership carelessly throwing its weight around while failing to realize how the empire’s internal divisions make it dangerous for it to do so. Barack Hussein seriously weighing military intervention in Iraq while ignoring the flag of ISIS flying in New Jersey is as insane as anything Franz Joseph ever did.

When cynical leaders engage in wars, thinking to unite the people behind them, they tend to forget that this works when the people are, in fact, a people. A single people, a nation. Otherwise, the stresses of war tend to fracture countries on their ethnic and ideological divides. Once an identifiable Anglo-Saxon Christian nation possessed of a unique transnational ideology, the USA is no longer a nation in any meaningful sense of the word except for lines on a political map.

Many sincerely believed that the ideological aspect trumped the Anglo-Saxon and Christian aspects. But it is becoming increasingly obvious that, despite the survival of its trappings, the former has not survived the loss of the latter two elements. One should be no more surprised that the Bundy Brigade declined to come to the assistance of the blacks of Ferguson than one is that the Roman citizens of Gaul failed to come to the assistance of the Jews during the Great Revolt of 66 AD in Judea.


The patient game

China is making use of its long-honed method for military dominance on the USA:

What is peculiar to China’s political culture, and of very great contemporary relevance is the centrality within it of a very specific doctrine on how to bring powerful foreigners—indeed foreigners initially more powerful than the empire—into a tributary relationship. Specialists concur that this doctrine emerged from the very protracted (3rd century BCE to 1st century CE) but ultimately successful struggle with the Xiongnú (匈奴) horse-nomad state, just possibly remote ancestors of Attila’s Huns, but definitely the inventors of the Steppe State political system that would be replicated by all their successors, and more adapted than replaced even by the Mongols….

The method forms a logical sequence:

  • Stage One: start by conceding all that must be conceded to the superior power including tribute, in order to avoid damage and obtain whatever forbearance is offered. But this in itself entangles the ruling class of the still-superior power in webs of material dependence that reduce its independent vitality and strength.
  • Stage Two: offer equality in a privileged bipolarity that excludes all lesser powers, or “G-2” in current parlance. That neutralizes the still powerful Other party, and isolates the manipulated soon-to-be former equal from all its potential allies, preventing from balancing China with a coalition.
  • Stage Three: finally, when the formerly superior power has been weakened enough, withdraw all tokens of equality and impose subordination.

Until the Chinese government decided—very prematurely I believe—to awaken the world to its classically imperial territorial ambitions by demanding the cession of lands, reefs, rocks, and sea waters from India, Japan, Malaysia, the Philippines, and Vietnam (demands that disturb and damage the concurrent Tianxia narrative of an alternative and more harmonious state system, disseminated even within the confines of Stanford University), it was making much progress towards Stage Two, the stage of equality preparatory to the final stage of subordination.

For all its weaknesses, and they are many, one thing that must be kept in mind is that the Chinese always play the long game. The Han have been playing this game and winning at it for a very long time; they are considerably more successful in historical terms than other ancient cultures such as the Greeks, the Romans, or the Jews. China is less than 70 years into its long-term struggle with the USA and has already reached the point where it is able to challenge the USA on a regional level; I very much doubt that its strategists are unaware that it took 147 years to subdue the Xiongnú.

Meanwhile, the USA is sinking into weakness and amalgamation with lesser, non-European cultures. I would expect Stage Two to be reached within the next 20 years. If the USA thought in similar terms, it would go to war with China now, while it still has the advantage. But US leadership doesn’t think further ahead than the next presidential election, or, as the rise of ISIS in the void of conquered Iraq demonstrates, in grand strategic terms.


No police call to EMS

Per Zerohedge, Anonymous releases police audio from the Ferguson, MO shooting:

ST. LOUIS COUNTY POLICE DISPATCH AUDIO TAPES, AUGUST 9TH 2014 11:05 AM – 6:05 PM, INCIDENT IS REPORTED AS “CROWD CONTROL PROBLEM”

AT 12:05PM, NO SHOOTING MENTIONED UNTIL IT IS CALLED IN TO DISPATCH BY WITNESS. FERGUSON PD DENIES IT KNEW ANYTHING AT THAT TIME. NO EMS WAS CALLED.

“be advised officer involved shooting… observation came from the news!”

44min mark in clip –  “all cars, be advised we are switching over to the riot channel. riot A”


VPFL 2014

It’s that time again. There is an extra spot open this year thanks to the Greenfield Grizzlies claiming last year’s championship. Current members are: the White Buffalo, Nate, me, and Zek, the winner of the VP-AFL. That leaves six teams open for management; it’s a keeper league so you’ll inherit up to three players of your choice from last year’s roster.

If you haven’t participated before but would like to do so this season, please throw your name in the hat here now. I’ll choose the six participants randomly.


A lesson in atheist social autism

I saw this conversation come up in my Notifications on Twitter today:

Francis Begbie ‏@BegbieBegbie
I think there’s something to @voxday ‘s theory on atheism and social skills: Look at Myers response in the comments.

Preston S. Brooks ‏@Rebel_Bill
That’s beyond a lack of social skills, that’s almost into the realm of autism.

I had no idea what they were talking about, so I went over to Pharyngula and saw that PZ, fresh from correctly criticizing Richard Dawkins for failing to understand that you can’t complain about people reacting emotionally when you intentionally push their emotional buttons with rhetoric intended to do just that, had somehow decided that the coverage of Robin Williams’s suicide was a wonderful opportunity to strike a morally superior prose and preen about his supposed  a) lack of interest in celebrities and b) deep concern for people of African descent. The response referenced above:

Celebrity culture. Fuck it. These people do not have an emotional connection to Robin Williams, the man; it’s fine to like the actor/comedian and enjoy his work, but look at this thread, and my twitter feed: people are freaking out that someone pointed out that the obsession with celebrity is getting in the way of caring about things that matter. I’m mainly feeling that I should have been more rude, because asking me to have been nicer about the dead famous guy is completely missing the point.

But it’s not PZ’s social autism that amuses me. I’ve known his AQ score indicates basic lack of empathy since 2008; my observations concerning the connection between atheism and social autism in TIA even prompted at least two scientific studies. What amuses me is PZ’s transparent hypocrisy.

I’m sorry to report that comedian Robin Williams has committed suicide, an event of great import and grief to his family. But his sacrifice has been a great boon to the the news cycle and the electoral machinery — thank God that we have a tragedy involving a wealthy white man to drag us away from the depressing news about brown people. I mean, really: young 18 year old black man gunned down for walking in the street vs. 63 year old white comedian killing himself?

That is from the first of two posts about Robin Williams at Pharyngula. The number of posts about Michael Brown’s death on Pharyngula and the subsequent black unrest in Ferguson, MO in the five days since his death? ZERO. PZ is not only empathetically obtuse, he is observably guilty of the very act he was attempting to portray himself as being above.

Of course, PZ is smart enough to know that the reason that the media doesn’t cover the deaths of young black men is because doing so would shatter their attempts to sell the myth of racial equality. If the media did what he feigns to want, he would accuse them of racism, because if every death of a young black man was covered in the same intense detail as Robin Williams’s death, there would be more nationwide demand for interning all male African-Americans between the ages of 15 and 30 than there ever was for interning Japanese-Americans.


The death knell for equality

The bell tolls for the advocates of diversity, multiculturalism, and human equality, as a study has determined that half the human capacity for learning is genetic:

The genes that determine a person’s ability to tackle one subject influence their aptitude at the other, accounting for about half of a person’s overall ability. The study, published Tuesday in the journal Nature Communications, used nearly 1,500 pairs of 12-year-old twins to tease apart the effects of genetic inheritance and environmental variables on math and reading ability. Twin studies provide a clever way of assessing the balance of nature versus nurture….

The researchers administered a set of math and verbal tests to the children and then compared the performance of different sets of twins. They found that the twins’ scores  — no matter if they were high or low — were twice as similar among pairs of identical twins as among pairs of fraternal twins. The results indicated that approximately half of the children’s math and reading ability stemmed from their genetic makeup.

A complementary analysis of unrelated kids corroborated this conclusion — strangers with equivalent academic abilities shared genetic similarities. What’s more, the genes responsible for math and reading ability appear
to be numerous and interconnected, not specifically targeted toward one
set of skills. These so-called “generalist genes” act in concert to
determine a child’s aptitude across multiple disciplines.

This should not be surprising in any way. But it is an efficient, scientific slash across the exposed jugular of ideological equalitarianism. What this means is all the attempts to bring up African children to the level of European and Asian children by educating them were wasted efforts genetically doomed to failure. While improvement is possible, equality is not.

And even attempts to breed equality through the media advocacy of interracial relations are bound to be disastrous, being intrinsically dysgenic. Sure, there always will be the occasional sports such as me, a European-Hispanic-Native American melange with astigmatism, seriously sub-optimal spatial relations, sprinter speed, and a 150+ IQ, but in general, Arthur C. Clarke’s utopian browning of the world would indicate human population that is shifted to the left on the Bell Curve, with a heavier distribution in the middle and a shorter right tail. That is the literal opposite of human progress.

(Speaking of my Native American ancestry, my brother succeeded in determining the tribe. My initial surmise was correct and it was my great-grandmother who married the Mexican revolutionary that was the full Indian. My brother doesn’t know yet if we have sufficient tribal blood to qualify for membership in the tribe, although one-eighth is enough to qualify for membership in a related one. The blood quantum requirements vary from tribe to tribe, from one-sixteenth for the Cherokee to one-half for the St. Croix Chippewa.)

While it will take years, even decades, for the populace and the political system to absorb the consequences of this scientific reality, it is another nail in the coffin of the equality myth.