Author: VD

After listening to the preening and boasting of various individuals who shall remain nameless, I have decided that it is time to give some of them an opportunity to demonstrate their perspicacity against the reigning 2005 MFL Champion, the White Buffalo, and a perennial playoff powerhouse who has yet to claim a league title, Mr. Vox Day.

The VPFL will be a keeper league, but the only permanent owners will be the WB and me. In the unlikely event that the season champion is not one of us, the winner will also return to defend his title. Team owners will be selected with help from the WB and the OC, as I will run a contest every other week and the winner will be awarded the right to run a team for the 2006 season or to choose a coach from among the regulars here.

The league will be a Yahoo free league with from 8 to 12 teams, depending on the level of interest. Please comment if you’re interested, but note that previous fantasy football experience is a must. I have not yet decided on the number of keepers, but I am open to suggestion although I’m leaning towards somewhere between 2 and 5 players. As league commissioner, I’d be tempted to award myself the first pick in the draft, but as I wish to give myself a slight advantage this year, I have decided to award it to the White Buffalo, whose first pick in the 1999 MFL draft remains legendary. (Between who he’s sure to pick and the Madden’s Curse, there’s no way Sean Alexander makes it until Week Five this season.)

Scoring is conventional, but halved, with lower yardage points than are common in many leagues. Team names are to be of the city / nickname style and will remain the same from season to season barring a league-approved team move. VD will be managing the Mounds View Marauders, the WB has not yet announced the name of his team although it is rumored that the Big Walleye will be involved in front office operations.

As the idea for this league was inspired by a certain Tennessee Titans fan, the Pan Gargler is invited to manage a VPFL team in the inaugural 2006 season, assuming that he is not afraid to have his dearth of NFL expertise stripped bare for all to see this autumn.

Since today is all about the NFL, it’s a good time to remember one of the great moments in professional football history courtesy of football legend Broadway Joe Namath.

And there will be an announcement of no small interest to fantasy football players later today….

Brand U. is an interesting op/ed in the today’s NY Times, especially in light of my own column this week:

I RECENTLY did some research for a satirical novel set at a university. The idea was to have a bunch of gags about how colleges prostitute themselves to improve their U.S. News & World Report rankings and keep up a healthy supply of tuition-paying students, while wrapping their craven commercialism in high-minded-sounding academic blather.

I would keep coming up with what I thought were pretty outrageous burlesques of this stuff and then run them by one of my professor friends and he’d say, Oh, yeah, we’re doing that.

One of my best bits, or so I thought, was about how the fictional university in my novel had hired a branding consultant to come up with a new name with the hip, possibility-rich freshness needed to appeal to today’s students. Two weeks later, a friend called to say it was on the front page of The Times: “To Woo Students, Colleges Choose Names That Sell.” Exhibit A was Beaver College, which had changed its name to Arcadia University. Applications doubled.

I also had created a character, a former breakfast-cereal executive who returns to his alma mater as vice president for finance (to give something back) and tries to get everyone to call the students customers. It turns out Yale was already doing that.

It seems I’m not the only one with doubts regarding the value of a university degree….

I have an idea that amuses me. Someone will do it sooner or later, although I can’t imagine Aardvark jumping on this one. I can’t imagine anything sending college feminists stark raving insane like an “American Rapist” line of t-shirts, with slogans like:

“We both know you want it!”

“ROHYPNOL – helping sociopaths score since 1992”

“I’m big enough, I’m strong enough, and doggone it, I have a knife.”

“I am inevitable, relax and enjoy me.”

“NO means MAYBE” (on the back) “MAYBE means YES”

“Actually, it is about sex.”

“If you didn’t want it, why are you dressed like that?”

“See you after the candlelight vigil”

“What time are you planning on walking alone to your car?” (Somebody posted that here yesterday, that was good.)

“It’s my night and you can’t have it back.”

and, of course, “Duke Lacrosse”

They’d have to be printed on wife-beaters, naturally. You see, as PJ Wodehouse demonstrated so beautifully with Sir Roderick Spode, the only way to shut up fascists is to mock them. “Did you ever in your puff see such a perfect perisher? Footie bags? Pah!” It is in the feminists’ interests to set men back on their heels by insisting that all men are rapists, or at the very least potential rapists, so, (to turn a feminist technique on its head), only by claiming the title with pride will we completely eliminate what they want to be its potential power over men.

Plus, any way you look at it, it’s funny. Not as funny as a group of rabid feminists chanting “cunt, cunt, cunt” together, but funny nevertheless.

On a more serious note, there’s no question that suffering a real rape, (as opposed to a “near rape” or a “date rape”) is somewhat traumatic for either a man or a woman, in much the same way that a vicious beating is traumatic. But in my experience, parental divorce leaves deeper and more lasting psychological scars on women; it is ironic, then, that feminists are so concerned about mythical rape while simultaneously celebrating divorce.

Either Lady Fortuna or Master Priapus appears to have it in for that Duke Lax stripper:

The woman who says she was raped by three members of Duke’s lacrosse team also told police 10 years ago she was raped by three men, filing a 1996 complaint claiming she had been assaulted three years earlier when she was 14. Authorities in nearby Creedmoor said Thursday that none of the men named in the decade-old report was ever charged but they didn’t have details why….

According to the Creedmoor police report in August 1996, when the woman was 18, she told officers she was raped and beaten by three men “for a continual time” in 1993, when she was 14. She told police she was attacked at an “unspecified location” on a street in Creedmoor, a town 15 miles northeast of Durham.

It’s an outrage! A terrible scourge on society! Clearly men should not be permitted to gather in groups of more than two, especially in the vicinity of this unfortunate woman.

The reason those three men weren’t charged, of course, is because as a BLACK and a WOMAN, she was assigned a negligible social status and therefore may be freely VICTIMIZED by the higher status members of the PATRIARCHY. Well, that, or she’s just another lying strawberry….

UPDATE: It occurs to me, there is a possibility that the skeptics like myself and the rape-addled feminists are both right. I mean, perhaps there really are 100 million American rapes per year, but they all happen to a very small number of very unlucky ladies. I mean, there must be some reason why certain women repeatedly report getting raped and since we are assured that women never lie about these things, this may very likely be the answer.

UPDATE II: This bit from anonymous was amusing.

First off he [Vox] knows nothing of rape statistics, nor the sociology or psychology of rape and the fact that most rapes go un-reported..

Actually, he is perfectly capable of reading the FBI’s Uniform Crime Report (and has, in fact, read several years’ worth), and he is aware of the fact that most “rapes” go unreported, which he explains is due to the logical reason that they are neither rapes nor criminal acts.

He is interested to learn more about the sociology of rape, especially an explanation of the sociopathy of American women who, for some mysterious reason, happen to report rape at large multiples of the rate in other First World countries, for example, Dutch women report one-fourth the rapes, UK women report one-tenth and Japanese women report one-thirtieth the attacks suffered by those poor, much-ravished Americans.

As for the psychology of rape, he merely notes that he knows rather more about it than the squalling feminist crowd considering that by their very generous definition of rape, he has cheerfully committed it on numerous occasions. He merely wonders: if the bottle of wine cost more than the woman would charge for sex, is it still rape?

In the interest of being open-minded and flexible, I tried turning over a new leaf and actually paying for a piece of entertainment software. Naturally, I first obtained a pirated version and a crack and discovered that yes, indeed, I did want to play this particular game. Unfortunately, the cracked game generated an amount of graphic garbage, caused the mouse to move like molasses and screwed up my display upon exiting, so I determined that I would, for once, exchange some valueless pieces of paper for said software product.

I soon felt powerfully confirmed once more in my total disdain for intellectual property as it relates to software when the same problem immediately evinced itself and continues to do so despite monkeying about with DirectX updates, ATI driver settings and so forth.

But at least I paid for the software, so I can get the benefit of technical support, right? Oh, my aching sides! (wipes tears from eyes) That’s funny. The pirates know more and offer better support than the poor slobs on phone duty, assuming you want to wait 20 minutes to talk to them.

With all the modding communities that have sprung up, I give it 5-7 years before the first true, high-quality open source games start to appear. In fact, if there are any programmers interested in such buccaneering endeavors, I have an OpenGL/D3D engine, access to a classroom full of 3D artists who will take any rendering or animation assignment I want to give them and a pair of game designs. Let me know if you’re down with OSD and you’re interested.

Baptist Center for Ethics
Nashville, TN
April 21, 2006

Dear Fellow Baptists:

The time has come for Baptists to speak positively about public education and to take proactive initiatives that advance a constructive future for America’s public school system.
We recognize the need for reforms in public schools, as all organizations need reformation, including churches and corporations. Reforms to improve all facets of public education should be a constant goal of our nation.
While every family is free to decide the course of their children’s education, we believe it is wrong for Baptist leaders to urge Baptists to exit the nation’s public school system for homeschools and Christian academies and to equip that cause.
We decry the anti-public school statements that identify public schools as “the enemies of God,” that label the nation’s school system as “a dark and decaying government school system” and that claim public schools are converting Christian children “to an anti-Christian worldview.” We urge a halt to the demonization of public schools.
We believe Baptists should recommit themselves to public education, not as a means toward converting school children, but because it is the right thing to do. We believe public school children are God’s children who deserve the nurture of a good society, the prospect for a good education and the equal opportunity for a good life.
We call on Baptists to recommit themselves to the separation of church and state, which will keep public schools free from coercive pressure to promote sectarian faith, such as state-written school prayers and the teaching of neo-creationism (intelligent design).
We call on Baptists to recommit themselves to a just society. A just society will ensure that every American child has an opportunity for a good education and that public schools have the resources necessary to provide such an opportunity, achieving the highest standards possible.
We call on Baptists to recommit themselves to the nation’s founding principle of “E Pluribus Unum.” A society based on unity out of diversity will embrace every child and recognize the vital role public schools play in achieving national unity.
We, the undersigned, pledge therefore to

pray for public schools;

show our support for public schools through worship services that affirm all school-related personnel;

advocate for a high wall of separation between church and state that is critical to good public education;

pursue a just society that benefits every child;

speak up for the role public education plays in democracy, especially the unity it creates in the midst of diversity so necessary in our society;

challenge religious voices who demonize public education; and

share this letter with others.

Well, it’s nice to see that the Episcopalians, Methodists and Lutherans will have some company in their slouch towards total cultural irrelevance. And for the record, I think it is unnecessary to demonize the public schools, as they already contain no shortage of evil and destructive spiritual beings also known as “teachers”.

Carrie Lukas attempts to count up the victims:

One in four women is the victim of rape or attempted rape.

This familiar statistic comes to mind as the rape indictment of two Duke University lacrosse players dominates national news. It may be a fitting backdrop for this scandal, not just because the statistic reminds us that all women are vulnerable to this terrible crime, but also because the evidence behind the number is dubious.

“One in four” has been repeated so often on college campuses and in the media that many people accept it without question. Few know how it was calculated. Few ask, because asking implies questioning its veracity, and, in this post-feminist era, it’s taboo to question sex-crime data or the claims of any alleged rape victim.

Christina Hoff Sommers of the American Enterprise Institute delved into these uncomfortable waters in Who Stole Feminism. The one-in-four statistic, she found, was derived from a survey of 3,000 college women in 1982. Researchers used three questions to determine if respondents had been raped: Have you had sexual intercourse when you didn’t want to because a man gave you alcohol or drugs? Have you had sexual intercourse when you didn’t want to because a man threatened or used some degree of physical force… to make you? And, have you had sexual acts…when you didn’t want to because a man threatened to use some degree of physical force… to make you?

Based on women’s responses, researchers concluded that 15 percent of women surveyed had been raped and 12 percent had experienced an attempted rape. Therefore, 27 percent of women — more than one in four — were either the victims of rape or attempted rape. This is the origin of the one-in-four statistic.

27 percent. Or 3 percent. Why not just announce that there is no such thing as rape, ergo, problem solved. Zero is within the range of error, after all.

As regulars know, I find the constant fixation on rape as the evil of all evils to be tremendously amusing. This is not because it’s usually an uncrime, which is to say, the supposedly criminal act is based solely on the self-proclaimed victim’s feelings, but because a) rape has seldom been less common than it is in the modern United States, and, b) its frequency, whatever the actual rate might be, is largely thanks to those very women who are loudly screaming their heads off about their right to do whatever they want wherever they want, and to do it unarmed.

Right. Try dressing like a Jew in Saudi Arabia and let us know how that goes…. Oh, but that’s not a modern and enlightened Western culture. Okay, then, try it in Londonistan or Amstarabia, then. Now you’re just blaming the victim!

The childishness of the female perspective on rape, even on the part of the less silly commentators, can be summarized in the following statement: “Regardless of the exact figure, rape is a terrible crime too prevalent in our society.” Such outrage, such soaring rhetoric, how very lovely, Miss Lukas. Now, do try naming a historical society where it has been significantly less prevalent… and please delineate three primary differences between those societies and our own.

And then there’s this gem: “It certainly is possible that this revised estimate understates the frequency of rape — women may be reluctant to admit having been violated even in an anonymous survey.” Or maybe they are too eager to admit it, given how often they are proven to recant. Picking a number out of the air would be as meaningful, that certainly seemed to work for the author of the “women beaten on Super Bowl Sunday” fiction.

Fortunately, our ever-doughty feminists have provided us with solution to ending this terrible crime once and for all. As a potential rapist myself, I can do no less than my part in bringing this terrible scourge on our society to an end:

If you have the opportunity and ability to rape a woman, just don’t do it!

That should take care of that! Because, as everyone knows, the only reason people do bad things is because no one ever told them not to. If 50 years of murderous and totalitarian government couldn’t eliminate guns in Communist China, what are the odds that a country that can’t locate 12 million people who can’t even speak English can Take Back the Night on behalf of drunk and stupid college girls?

For various reasons, I have an increasing number of doubles and unwanted novels. As people here appear to be somewhat more inclined to reading than not, I was wondering if anyone here would be interested if I put together some form of blog book swap wherein books might be bartered in a manner that would provide everyone with more value than we’d all be likely to get from a used bookstore.

Let me know if you’d have any interest in this, if enough people do have books they’d like to exchange for others, perhaps it would make sense.

A quick Champions League primer for the uninitiated: the semifinals are a tie, wherein home and away matches are played and the winner on aggregate goals goes to the final. In the event of a tie tie, away goals are given priority. So, if Villereal wins 1-0, the aggregate score will be 1-1 with no away goals and the tie will go to penalties to settle the matter. If Villereal wins by one goal by any other score or today’s match is tied, Arsenal will win by virtue of what will have been (wioll haven been?) their away goal(s). Thus, Villareal either have to shut out the Gunners or score at least three goals to win. Since Arsenal features the most aesthetically perfect attack in the world and no one has scored on Arsenal in 11 straight Champions League games, this would appear to be a very difficult task indeed.

1:25 – Reyes is back, and Henry learns that the assistant referees have a quick trigger on the offsides flag

3:00 – Hleb taken down, free kick. Arsenal passes around the perimeter, finally into Henry in the center but it’s a bad first touch.

5:06 – Arsenal mysteriously leaves Guille Franco alone outside the box, but his pathetic effort explains why. It might have scared a pigeon passing somewhere over the stadium, but the defenders are unconcerned. They’re dealing with every attack with almost negligent ease.

7:30 – Dangerous chip into Forlan, but Toure shoulders him off the ball and out for a corner. Strange pass to Senna lying deep, the player taking the corner simply stands there and is called offside when Senna sends the ball back to him.

9:00 – Flamini pulls a hamstring and has to go out. Clichie, who is only 20, comes in as an early substitute for Arsenal. Hmmmm….

11:00 – The keepers take turns punting the ball back and forth until Lehman punts it out of bounds. Henry yells something to the tune of “knock it off, ya dumb Kraut.” Villareal is controlling the midfield, Arsenal seems to be holding something in reserve.

13:25 – Toure is off a step and allows a Villareal striker to cut in and take a nice crack from the top center of the box. Only the pigeons are alarmed, the shot is a good ten meters high. Villareal is looking the more dangerous of the sides, however.

15:58 – Gilberto makes a “hey, start thinking” gesture at someone. Can’t see who it’s at, but I’m guessing Toure. Arsenal gives up a corner, but it’s harmless. More pressure from Villareal and someone goes down under pressure from Gilberto but it’s a complete dive.

18:00 – Nice pullback pass from Forlan right into the center of the box but it’s weakly struck and Lehman picks it up. Good chance, Arsenal can’t just sit back like this. Arsenal finally counterattacks but Henry is offsides.

21:45 – Little reversal from Reyes on the left, one of his first touches of the game and he’s taken down. Nice free kick across headed in, Henry heads back perfectly across to the spot but no one is there. Dennis would have been there….

25:00 – Henry is completely alone up top, the four midfielders are all playing reaction ball and no one is making any runs even when they have possession in the Villareal half. I don’t like seeing them play Italian style like this, it’s not their game to sit back and defend. I hope Wenger is trying to lull them to sleep before a storm at the end of the half, because I don’t see any wisdom in trying to defend for the whole 90 minutes.

30:00 – Troy Polamalu’s evil twin loses Eboue but his entry pass is stuffed. Foul and a free kick from 35, but the lob misses its intended target and Lehman scoops it up. Bad cross intended for Forlan, who is moving around more than Arsenal’s front five. Even the English announcers are getting critical of Arsenal’s complete unwillingness to attack.

36:30 – Sorry, phone call. Random blondes keep calling me, it’s a hard life. Finally some pressure from Arsenal but nothing. Villareal sends a vicious low ball right through the box but miraculously there’s no one there. Villareal dives in the box, they do go down easily, these Spaniards, then another collision, Villareal appeals for a yellow, but it’s only a free kick. Poor cross but Arsenal has some trouble clearing. Finally a free kick to Arsenal when Hleb is taken down.

40:00 – Yikes! Great low cross from the right, Guille Franco beats Toure and puts a header right on goal but Lehman instinctively reacts and blocks it with his chest. Toure quickly clears but it was a very dangerous ball.

41:30: – Arsenal is staggering. Bad blunder in front of goal by Campbell or Toure but no one sees and Lehman boots it clear. Gilberto takes down Forlan, I have to say, he’s rather indelicate for a Brazilian.

44:00 – One minute injury time. Arsenal can’t seem to get the ball past midfield. Henry is compltely unused. Reyes goes down, gets up and goes down again, having fallen squarely on both knees. Meanwhile, Fabregas kicks a Villareal player in the face… no, it’s a replay of an earlier foul. Free kick for Villareal to end the half from 40, it’s a nice shot right at a teammate, who ducks, but Lehman is right there to catch it on the bounce. All in all, a very underwhelming half from the Gunners.

Cool Nike commercial with the Brazilian national team in the locker room before a game. The players are juggling the ball, passing it around in the air and generally making absurdly difficult things look simple. Interestingly, right before the game, they gather in a circle with their arms around each other and pray. But isn’t that illegal?

45:00 – Last week there was a squirrel, these week it’s a crazy Argentine waving a Barcelona flag running across the field. I’m guessing he’s pulling for Villareal tonight judging by the way he waves it at Henry. Security tackles him and we kickoff….

48:30 – Senna drives and shoots, but Lehman deals with it. Arsenal appears to be pushing Reyes and Hleb forward a bit more – YOWZA – great deep cross from Villareal and Guille Franco demonstrates about a 50-inch vertical and nearly puts the ball in the net. Just wide, fortunately. I need more Amaretto….

50:00 – Everyone but Henry is in or around the penalty box. This isnt working. Finally there is the slowest counterattack in Arsenal history. The problem is that when they’re not attacking, they’re not playing. Henry is just going through the motions.

55:00 – Ouch. Guille Franco just took Gilberto’s skull squarely in the back of his head. Obviously he’s fine, though. Early cross and while Sol Campbell just stands there like an Unfrozen Caveman Lawyer still in the deep freeze, Guille Franco flashes past him and puts a vicious header just wide. Ref stops play, Campbell is bleeding and is forced to receive treatment while Villareal takes a corner.

60:00 – Lovely flickback from Villareal and a long run down the right. Entry pass goes right to Eboue and he clears. Arsenal counterattacks with 2 on 5, which goes about as well as you’d expect. The defenders leisurely stroll up past midfield as the midfielders control, but Crici finally loses the ball. Free kick to Villareal from 40. Nice chip but Lehman comes out and punches it clear. Arsenal counterattacks but Eboue muffs the ball when it comes to him in the box, Arsenal corner.

65:00 – Freddie looks like he’s ready to punch out the Villareal captain, who is following him around prior to the corner. Gilberto puts a header wide left of goal. Josico is off is replaced by a striker, Jose Mari, for Villareal. Arsenal should see some opportunity to counterattack soon. They’re finally pressuring the ball now, but Villareal sends Jose Mari deep down the right side. The entry is stuffed, but Arsenal can’t clear midfield. DOUBLE YIKES! Nice chip from Forlan into the box, Franco gets a nice first touch, Lehman has to come out and Franco passes to Forlan, who gets a little cute and misses the empty net.

69:00 – Arsena
l controlling, but the last pass is always lacking. Henry still looking lacksadaisical, manages to lose the ball twice. Villareal goes long, Guille Franco controls beautifully and scores, but he’s offsides by a good three meters, so clearly that the crowd doesn’t even bother to cheer when it goes in the net. Pires comes in for Reyes, who has done very little today.

72:00 – Villareal’s defenders practically require condoms, as they’re all but raping Henry and Ljungberg on corners. The referee is turning a blind eye, which outrages the announcers. I can see why he’s not going to give a penalty, but a yellow card would be reasonable. Nice attack from Villareal, but Freddie zooms across, clears the ball and is fouled.

75:00 – Gilberto steals the ball and Riquellme’s shoe from the Villareal striker. Reyes is watching from the sideline, nervously kissing his crucifix. Villareal is starting to get a bit chippy, starting to look tired and a little frustrated. Gilberto makes the sort of move that only a Brazilian can make, reversing the ball and splitting two Villareal players, leaving them behind him wondering where he went.

78:30 – Villareal ratches up the pressure, and Arsenal is allowing in the first pass to the top center of the box, then closing the passing lanes, a very dangerous defensive tactic. It’s working, but it’s very tenses in here. Ah see OJ! Arsenal pulls six or seven passes in a slick counterattack and a Villareal player immediately goes down. Rather cynical, if you ask me. He’s up as soon as the ball goes out of bounds… screw this fair play, I say, it’s too easily abused.

82:00 – Fabregas and Hleb put some nice passes together and Fabregas nearly goes clear on goal but makes a wrong turn on the last defender and loses the ball. Alverez takes down Henry after blocking a through ball to Pires. Villareal makes a change, Arsenal free kick from 30. Straight into the wall, back to Henry and he promptly loses the ball again. Just rest him already, Arsene.

85:00 – Finally, a nice slashing attack from Arsenal. Henry’s header on the cross from Hleb falls just short and the defender heads it clear before it drops clear for Pires in the box. Questionable ball back to Lehman, but he sees it and boots it to midfield. The problem with these reactive tactics is that no one is ready to attack when the opportunity presents itself.

88:00 – Possession must be 80% to Villareal. Franco goes penalty-hunting by jumping into Campbell and falling down but the referee just rolls his eyes, should have been a yellow. Freddie is the only Gunner still running hard forward. Forlan has a nice opportunity but Toure makes an athletic block with a leg.

88:15 – Total insanity! Jose Mari takes a massive dive as if he’s been shot in the lower back and the idiot ref gives a penalty. Sometimes I hate this game.

89:20 – JUSTICE IS SERVED! Lehman guesses right, dives left and blocks the penalty from Riquelme, who can’t believe it. Neither can anyone else in the stadium. Lots of shots of cute Spanish women looking as if they were just informed that they can’t bear children.

90:15 – Thierry Henry is completely off tonight. He makes a long run, beats the last defender and for once doesn’t beat the goalie. I’m actually astonished. Three minutes injury time, but the announcers are already talking about everlasting glory, England and the sun never setting. It looks like they’re through to Paris.

93:00 – “It is Paris in the springtime for Arsenal!” Lehman is getting rightly mobbed by the team, the Young Dennis hugs him so enthusiastically it looks as if he wants to get a room. 0-0, 1-0 on aggregate. It’s enough to get through, but they’ll have to do better against Barca or Milan. I’d be cheering for Milan anyhow, but I think Arsenal matches up much better against the team that doesn’t have Ronaldinho.