Japan has concluded a mutual security treaty… with the European Union:
Japan and the European Union announced a security and defense partnership on Friday as they seek to step up military ties, including joint exercises and exchanges between their defense industries, amid growing tensions with China, North Korea and Russia.
It is the first security partnership that the EU has concluded with an Indo-Pacific country, Japanese Foreign Minister Takeshi Iwaya and EU foreign policy chief Josep Borrell told reporters.
“We live in a very dangerous world. We live in a world of growing rivalries, climate accidents and threats of war. And there is only one antidote to this challenging world, which is partnerships among friends,” Borrell said. “It is an historical and very timely step given the situation in both of our regions.”
This is may be the most toothless defense treaty since the Anglo-Polish security agreement of 1939. I’m curious what a collection of mostly landlocked, bankrupt, economically-contracting satellites of the USA are supposed to do for the security and defense of an island nation on the other side of the world. It’s a pity they’re not filming Yes, Commissioner; they certainly could have gotten a very funny episode or two out of this one.
“Commissioner, North Korea has launched ballistic missiles at Tokyo!”
“Oh, have they now? We can’t have that! How dare they, when we’ve guaranteed the security of the Japanese people! Why, we’ve got a formal security and defense partnership with them!”
“Indeed, Ma’am. How shall we respond?”
“Well, what are our military options?”
“We have a battalion of Estonian special forces on 48-hour alert and two squadrons of French Mirage fighters ready for takeoff within one week.”
“How many is a battalion?”
“Well, a US battalion is usually around 600 men and women, of which 450 are actually deployable.”
“Why are only 450 deployable?”
“Because 150 of them are women. Once the women hear about the deployment, they’ll get pregnant. Which, of course, renders them undeployable.”
“Within 48 hours?”
“If necessary, they can manage it inside 24 hours, Ma’am. Now, a Russian Battalion Tactical Group has 600 men, all of whom are deployable. But, of course, they’re the enemy, so we can hardly send them.”
“Right. So, how many are in an Estonian battalion.”
“One, Ma’am.”
“One?”
“Yes, but I can assure you, he’s very highly trained and extremely capable.”
“I’m sure he is. Still, I don’t see what one man, however capable, can do about the North Koreans. I suppose we’ll have to send the French jets.”
“Oh, no, Ma’am. We can’t do that.”
“We can’t?”
“No, the French have very strict rules about not flying their planes anywhere they might be shot down.”
“I see. Well, in that case, then we shall have no choice but to send a very strongly-worded démarche to Pyongyang, in which we shall deplore their illegal actions and threaten them with sanctions.”
“Very good Ma’am. However, Ma’am?”
“Yes, Alphonse?”
“We cut economic ties with North Korea in 2002. There’s nothing left to sanction.”
“I see. That does present certain difficulties. Leave out the sanctions, then. Just the strongly-worded démarche. I think that will raise the spirits of our allies in Tokyo, don’t you?”
“Yes, Commissioner.”
Of course, this is not the first time Berlin and Rome have allied with Tokyo…