Courtesy of The Elder:
Republicans know where to find one another, according to Stephen B. Venable, president of CELSIUS, an exclusive new dating service for educated, well-off Minnesota liberals. We were chatting in his office the other day when Venable ventured that conservatives are meeting each other “at work,” “in bars” or “in the parking lot at Vikings games.” But liberals, he said, unless they’re doing “social organizing,” could use a little more help getting together. Thus was born CELSIUS, an acronym for the Collective for Educated Liberal Singles Interested in Unearthing a Soul Mate, whose slogan, spotted on Venable’s business card, reads, “Improving lives by making extraordinary relationships possible.”
Only five minutes into our sit-down, we’d already comfortably griped about racism, sexism, and classism. Much nodding went on. Eventually, Venable and I moved onto the topic of our love lives. Both of us fancied ourselves to be reasonably good catches, and agreed that we felt “baffled” to find ourselves single after thirty. Venable loosened his necktie and unbuttoned his collar. He confided to me that back in his Berkeley Law School days, he had to beat the ladies off with a stick. But with those days behind him, he’s now focused on finding the two qualities he most desires in a mate: intelligence and kindness. He assumes both things are inherent in liberal women.
If this guy’s business acumen is as keen as his judgment of liberal women, I think we can safely conclude that there won’t be an IPO any time soon. A nastier bunch of crocodiles you will not meet this side of the Nile. But I suppose I can understand why so many liberals don’t believe in Hell; if Hillary Clinton is your dream girl, the concept is obviously redundant.
It’s particularly amusing how Mr. CELSIUS recognizes that liberals don’t meet at work, a tacit admission that liberal men are seldom gainfully employed outside of the law firm – government bureaucracy – non-profit organization – university quadrumvirate of social parasites. If you consider the women who work at such Aphrodite-forsaken places, only the law firms are host to the superficially attractive and those are predominantly confirmed evolutionary dead ends.
Liberal men might do better to take a page from their feminist sisters and work to change the dating culture to suit their needs. I’m sure a thirty-year campaign to convince women that passive-aggressive behavior is hot, whiny Gamma Male submissiveness is sexy and a willingness to hide behind women’s skirts is alluring will work wonders. I mean, changing the culture has worked so well for all those career women who are just beating off men with sticks as they desperately try to make it to their childless 40s without being saddled with a husband, a home and a family.