But what about ME?

It’s not surprising to see how many of the good responsible conservatives who paid back their student loans are gnashing their teeth over the possibility that someone, somewhere, might be freed from debt-slavery.

But what about me? What about we poor rich kids who never had to borrow so much as a dime to pay for college? Isn’t it even more unfair that we a) had to pay ridiculously inflated prices because all those nasty little poor people were allowed to spend someone else’s money, and, b) we weren’t given any financial aid grants and were forced to pay the full retail price for the mere crime of having lots of money?

All right, I’m exaggerating. We didn’t actually pay for school. Our daddies did. See, that right there, that’s grit, that’s what that is. The Boomers are right. Just stop whining and do what I did. It wasn’t hard at all.

But it’s still unfair! How will WE benefit from a student loan debt jubilee? Why isn’t anyone thinking about ME and MY compensation? I mean, how can I possibly benefit from the housing market not completely collapsing because 45 million of the most educated people in America can’t qualify for a mortgage? What good is it to me if 45 million people suddenly have the ability to save money for the first time in their lives? I mean, it’s not as if savings = investment, or that I is a core component of Gross Domestic Product, right?

Why won’t you shed a tear for me?