Don’t be casting no dispersions

The good ship Herman Cain has had an amusing run, but it should sink in today’s Iowa straw poll . And why wouldn’t he cast dispersions on Captain Underoos’s religion anyway? If I was a Republican candidate, I would totally demand that Mitt Romney show everyone his underwear. Does anyone remember how he answered CNN’s important “boxers or briefs” question?

The sad thing is that the Republican candidates simply don’t understand America. Ron Paul could have sewn up the nomination early if he’d simply answered “thong, baby, thong”.

1. Michele Bachmann 4,823 votes
2. Ron Paul 4,671
3. Tim Pawlenty 2,293
4. Rick Santorum 1,657
5. Herman Cain 1,465
6. Rick Perry 718 write-in votes
7. Mitt Romney 567
8. Newt Gingrich 385
9. Jon Huntsman 69
10. Thad McCotter 35

This effectively ends the Pawlenty campaign, unless he’s running for vice-president. It should also end the Romney campaign, but it won’t yet since he’s got all that money to spend. Paul will be ignored by the media unless he can manage to win something outright; pity he has moved in the wrong direction on immigration at precisely the wrong time.

Bachmann becomes the “Huckabee” candidate that the Establishment will throw to the social conservatives if necessary, but Perry becomes the de facto replacement for Romney as the chosen candidate. Cain will stay in as a sideshow, this really isn’t a bad showing for him. Santorum, Gingrich, Huntsman and McCotter all look pretty irrelevant now, not that some of them didn’t before.

UPDATE – Bingo: “Tim Pawlenty told supporters in a conference call this morning that he would be leaving the presidential race. “We needed a boost from Ames that didn’t happen,” he said, according to CNN.”