Mailvox: case in point

BlueSunday provides an apt illustration:

“I don’t expect most people to agree with me because I don’t expect them to be able to understand me.”

In other words, if only I were smarter, I would agree with you?!? Isn’t this the same sort of thing regularly served up to conservatives by smug lefties? Maybe you didn’t make the top 100 blogs because you’re so arrogant….

No, it’s not the same thing at all. You should perhaps recall that my statement was made in response to someone who asserted that it was anathema for any woman to disagree with the Great Moi. But, that is not true, as also happens to be the case with Blue Sunday’s restatement. Since most people don’t understand what I am saying in the first place, and those who agree with me are merely a subset of those who understand me, most people cannot possibly agree with me unless they somehow happen to reach the same conclusion via a different means. BlueSunday has forgotten that there are subsets within sets.

Now, the typical lefty position to which he refers is that if the conservative were more intelligent, the conservative would agree with the lefty. But that is an intrinsically absurd and not very intelligent position. Even flawless logic will reach different results given different input factors. Here is one example of the three usual possibilities:

Vox: The economy is in the process of severe debt-deflation.

1) Doesn’t understand: “Debt what? Whatever, [insert credentialed authority here] says the economy is fine because GDP grew 3.2 percent last quarter!”

2) Understands, doesn’t agree: “No, that’s wrong, because the Fed is monetizing the debt. That’s why we’re looking at hyperinflation, not deflation.”

3) Understands, agrees: “Yes, that’s right because even though the Fed is trying to monetize the debt, they can’t monetize it fast enough to keep it from collapsing.

Both (2) and (3) are intelligent and reasonable positions and both clearly understand what I am discussing. In the case of (1), on the other hand, I might as well be speaking Japanese for all they grasp the subject. And there is nothing any more arrogant about the simple observation that people don’t understand what you are saying in English than there is in observing that they don’t understand what you are saying in German or Italian. As for the blog list, the fact that Roissy, Karl, and PZ were listed among the best should suffice to prove that whatever the criteria might have been, arrogance was clearly not among the disqualifying factors.

But speaking of not understanding things, I’m a little at a loss as to why anyone would turn to an Award-Winning Cruelty Artist for personal advice. I suppose I can attempt to repress my instincts for a change in answer to Sillygirl’s question:

What advice can you give for a mid-twenties woman that has not ridden the carousel (do not want to go into details, but please trust me on this), who is above average in looks (though not the most stunning thing…7 at best), and who is generally shy, bookish. My reason for not being married yet is because of an old boyfriend I was with for three years, who I thought was the one, waited for and turned out he didn’t want it after all. Then, I had a second relationship which was the same exact thing! Except that he was Indian and decided that marrying within his culture was more preferable. Four years of my twenties…gone. Clearly, I am doing something wrong.

The first man was three years old than me, the second one ten years older than me. I am now 25. Out of college, and unsure of what to do. I rarely go to bars, and spend a lot of time at home playing the piano, reading or working with a charity group.

I have also made the firm decision to not date American men after seeing the lack of family values and high divorce rates. They are out of the question for me because the cultural differences are too many. Their women seemed to have poisoned them, and I do not want to raise my children here. Fortunately, all of my friends are “fresh off the boat”. I generally do not interact with locals in my age group.

Is this too unreasonable to think there is hope?

No, it is not unreasonable at all, especially in light of your uncharacteristic ability to conclude, from only two lessons, that your past problems with men are likely due to the specific choices you made. There is nothing more tiresome than listening to the romantic woes of a man who can’t figure out why he keeps ending up with predatory, high-maintenance women when he only goes out with strippers and junior executives or a woman who can’t figure out why she keeps getting pumped and dumped when she only deigns to accept dates with ambitious, arrogant alpha males.

Second, it is generally wise to focus yourself to dating within your race and culture because despite what the advertisements tell you, very few individuals are actually willing to marry someone outside it. 94.7% of white men marry white women and 95.6% of white women marry white men – ironic, considering that the media has been indefatigably actively pushing black man+white woman for the last five years – so very little interracial dating will ever lead to marriage. That being said, why did you immigrate to America if you don’t wish to actually integrate into American society? Hanging around with fellow immigrants is a very bad way to adapt to your new home; I’ve met expats in Italy who don’t speak 10 words of Italian after 15 years there.

But to return to the subject, most men who are married will admit they had a pretty good idea that they were going to marry their wife very early on in the relationship. It’s not always the case, but it is common enough to indicate that there is no point in being involved for more than a year without an engagement. So, don’t be misled by the airy “yeah, I’d like to get married someday” talk, that’s just a polite way of saying that he probably doesn’t want to marry you in particular. If a man isn’t unambiguously clear about his desire to have a wife and family, then don’t waste so much as another weekend on him.

If you do meet someone suitable but the year passes without any actual engagement, don’t issue any hints or suggestions, just politely break up with him without giving any reason. If he asks for one, (and he almost surely will), just tell him that you’re serious about getting married and having a family while he has demonstrated that he is not. Either he will propose within weeks or you’ll have saved several years of being strung along as well as your self-respect. Just be sure not to fall for vague promises offered in order to keep you around in lieu of an actual proposal complete with date.

The problem, of course, is that plenty of men who would like to have wives and families don’t dare risk marriage in light of the heavily biased divorce laws. However, if that’s the issue, expressing a ready willingness to either sign a pre-nup or make a covenant marriage in the states that offer them should go some way in allaying those perfectly reasonable fears. And not being a veteran rider of the carousel will certainly help your cause as well.