Nate explains why the urban assumption that hicks in the sticks are the clueless class may be a little misguided:
Yankee:”We’re from Chicago… we’ve never seen no woods or nuthin’ like this before. You just don’t know what Chicago’s like.”
Nate: “Ma’am… I’ve been to New York and Chicago. I know what its like… and I hope I never have to go back there.”
Yankee: “So do y’all have a whole bunch of land and put your own potatos in the ground and stuff?”
Nate: “We have a garden.”
Yankee: “Do y’all have coyotes? We talk to some farmers at smith’s farm in illinois and they said them coyotes was eatin’ people up!”
Nate: “We have wild dogs… but I’ve never heard of one attacking a human. Most folks just shoot ’em.”
***insert wide-eyed terror here***
Yankee: “You have guns?”
Nate: “Sure. Otherwise folks might get eaten by wild dogs… or bears… or something worse.”
Yankee: “So ummm… you know… is it safe? I mean to drive around alone at night?”
Nate: “Huh? What do you mean? Of course its safe. We leave our house unlocked. We don’t even lock the cars.”
Yankee: “You can’t do that where we’re from.”
Nate: “I know. I’ve been there. That’s why I don’t want to go back. There are all kinds of things you can’t do where you’re from.”
Yankee: “Oh my! What’s that? Is that a coyote?”
Nate: “No. No that’s a deer.”
Yankee: “Is that safe?”
Nate: “Ma’am… that’s supper.”
That went on for literaly 2 hours. We could not get away from this moron. But the best… the best was her 12 year old son… See… he started yapping about rocks… special rocks… deep down under the ground… and there was all this heat down there… and after about 300 years of that heat under the ground… these special rocks became….
Bacon.
I remember Spacebunny telling me about her urban cousins that were shocked when they discovered that cows were not actually the size of dogs, as they had previously assumed. In light of the decline of the arts and culture that used to be the one genuine benefit of urban life, there really isn’t much reason to mourn the inevitable destruction of whatever city is required to instill a fighting spirit in Americans for their next war.