A clash of cultures

Chad the Elder talks rot on alcohol:

While I have been known to enjoy a Baileys or two in my day (or even better, creme Tequila), I share Felten’s general distrust of any drink that’s overly sweet, especially when there’s any hint of sexual innuendo in the name. Truly good cocktails don’t require a gimmicky title to make the sale.

No, they don’t require a gimmicky title, what they actually require are a) bright, shiny colors, ideally resembling Windex or radioactivity, b) ice, and c) little umbrellas. Although in a pinch, little toothpick swords will do, especially since you can also use them to challenge someone who happens to glance at your date to a duel.

Few things are more amusing than brandishing a little plastic weapon and screaming “crossed swords at dawn” at an alarmed stranger in a bar, after all. Bonus points if it’s winter and you slap them across the face with your glove first.

For dining and intelligent conversation, there is no substitute for wine, and an amaretto-laced espresso is the ideal nightcap, at least for those of us whose blood-caffeine level is permanently elevated. But cocktails are intended for fun and public consumption and should always be as obnoxious as possible.

It takes a real man to drink a chick drink.